I don't know how to feel
Or what to feel

Exhausted, fatigue
In bed the whole day, not a poem, just a reflection.

I'm dazed out, in hibernation.
Ghosting everyone.

No will to do anything.
Just Exhausted

I hate this learnership.
I hate being here.
I am drained, unhappy, dissatisfied, and not at ease.

I am underpaid, and not where I need to be.
They don't even let us drink their coffee.
I come here wanting to go back home.
My actual career is taking off, but I haven't started getting an income from my career, as its still in its beginning phases.

This still brings me an income, and I get a qualification out of it.

Those are the only positives, there's a steady income coming in every month.
I have backup with a learnership.
But, I am not happy.
I hate it here, I wish I could work from home.
I want to go home, I don't want to be here.
I actually want to cry.
I am completely exhausted.

Love
An overrated term. Yet meaningful in existence.
For all that I see, hear, touch, smell, and feel.
I seem to not feel the love I desire.
I want someone to look at me and want me.
I want someone to need me.
Or maybe, I'm just a little liar.

Maybe I deflect, and object.
Maybe I conceive and fumagate.

Maybe the love I want is too powerful for anyone to give me.

No, I am not lonely, but it would be nice.
To have such, to feel such.
To have loving eyes look at you like you the only person in their eyes.
To have a touch that only the deepest seas could bare.

My heart is frozen, my hands are cold.
Shivering in cold heat.
Beat, I may defeat.

The battle, the inflicted pain.
The emotion, inner turmoil down the drain.
May I only feel the deep love one day.
For I wish, I bury myself six feet deep.
Love.
An overrated term, but meaningful in existence

I realized, I can't live without you.
What has it come to.
I feel straddled, scared, not secure.
Up and down, tumbled like a roller-coaster.
Bipolar complexities and nuclear power.
Brains at an over load.
Overthinking , over-analyzing obsessive thoughts of you.
It's annoying, draining, completely mentally exhausting.
I am drawn out, fatigue, over blown.
Overstimulated.

I want you out of my head.
Leave.
Escape my thoughts so I can be at peace.

Split personalities playing mind games again.
The heart of an angel, mind of a joker, the soul of a devil.
Which is which?
Are they all replicas of me?
Versions of me, the worst.
It's black and its white.
Which side wants to be seen today?

Pick one

I hate my life.
My life has no meaning without you.
I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to meet anyone.
I don't want to go out.
I ****** Hate everything.
I wish I had you back.

Hermiting.

Stuck in my shell.
I miss you

The odds are against me.
I have lost.
Depression and in anguished pain that I cannot even get myself out of.
Obsessively fixated on you.
My mind is chaos.
I have a headache from all the thinking.
On my phone all day.
No will, motivation or strive to do anything.
Exhausted, fatigue.
Blown out.
Sick of the crying.
The crying makes my head sore.
I can't seem to escape the misery.
No one to talk to.
No one to tell how I feel.
I feel alone.
Driven by pain.
Can't get my thoughts away from you.
I miss you.
I hate the fact that I had to ghost you, kinda cut you off.
I want you, I love you, I need you, I crave you, I wish I could have you.
I have hit the rock bottom way down.
I hate my life.
I hate you.
I am angry, completely ******* at you.
Yet, I miss you.
Why did you do this!!?????

Why????!!!!

I miss you.
I wish I had you.
I hate this distance between us.

Dreaded in agony
Exhausted, mental fatigue
Depressed...
Things hitting a low steep
Inner turmoil and chaotic confusions

Space needed, emotions at a very high peak
Saddened by the thought

What misery
Space, I need to be alone

Leave me be
I'm exhausted