My heart pounding in my ears reminds me of running water
Echoing in an empty room
The chill circulating through me
Like glass shattering and disappearing in the grains of sand
Why do I have these tools in my hands?
It aches
It burns
It hurts so much
Feeling a thousand needles in my numb shins
The pain has always had the win
When being imprisoned feels like a sin
Weighed down enough for the echoes to drive you insane
Living in a place you don’t understand
The sorrow too deeply etched to erase
Your mind forces you to stay
With the flooding water flowing down your face
To be familiar with a fate that never ends
Never sways
And with eyes clouded
With bruised flesh greedy for pain
The heart will give all its useless love away

When I am awake I view the world with eyes half open; blinded by tension I can see
Thicker than a knife could penetrate
I suffocate in the make believe fumes that can be ignited by the smallest spark
Only to blow up in my face
This hollow feeling
This empty space
I can feel how thick the wall is around your back when it faces me at night
I speak to you when I know you cannot hear me
Loathing myself; my grudge spoils in my hesitation as I reach out and hold you tight
And I know I Have lost
This endless battle I have all the power in the world to conclude
I'm a prisoner to the dull ache
All I ever wanted was you

A broken heart
Never acknowledged or seen
A heart sewn together without knowing what the hurt ever means
People can care more or less about a delicate soul
And even if you put the pieces back together
The hurt can still grow

I swallow my tongue to the twists and turns of bones covered by a layer of skin
Painted lips and wings of black leave this world dependent on what is out and what is in
A deserter of vanity and a refugee to comfort and love
A string of foul endearment terms I am known by the name of
I'm quick to disappear
A momentary capture of what is held so dear
Like a transient spell of a simple fear of being the same
A clone of the world that doesn't know it's own name
"Beautiful" is the word that has many escapes
In the eyes of your peers the meaning translates into something so different and foul
In the eyes of a lover the word makes their heart scowl
We were born to be real, not perfect

The rules to follow and the words to write help you in your favor to win this fight
On the inside the lock is kept shut and it echoes through my body and mind
Always flowing red on my hand
Rusted silver bruising my skin
The pain is here but I won't let it win
It's under my skin
Crawling inside
Using my mind in it's own selfish ways
And trying to wash away any movements from before makes me feel *****
Impure and conquered by the likes of you
And whatever she says is a lie like it always is
Take the hint and turn away now
Because you will never know how much I have missed you here and to be near that smile you would show to no one else but me
But there is no one now who is the same as you were
And I'm still impure
Drowning out the sickening sounds unknown to any normal ear
Just go away
My heart stays here

Days and time spent wondering about stolen kisses and wasted sleep
Sleep on dreams of the future that will never come true
When all i see is blue
Blue blankets and pillows
It's sad to think that it is safe I am feeling
Sadness to know that it was too good to be true
And safe
Safe enough to know that i can change the future and be with you now
Instead of the anxiety and questions "how?"
How do you feel when i walk by?
Anxious?
I do
When all i see is blue eyes staring so deep within my soul and past my wall
A wall built for 18 years shattered into dust
The dust is trust
And there is so little of it now
How am i to know that you wont leave me here with a heavy heart and regrets?
I could have saved myself for another
Instead i am used
Blue
A used blue doll made of glass
And i am shattered
Just like us

Take me away to a place where love can't hurt
Where fairy tales stop lying to my face
There is a place where there is more rain than shine
Where I've lost everything i thought was mine
I had a prince charming
I had a place where my heart was fine
The cracks were filled and warming
It glowed like the sun should be in that place
The place full of imaginary lies where tears fall from every eye
Every story of mine is here
I've never noticed until now that i still live in fear
Fear of heartbreak
Just like now
Tell me how i can fix this
Don't look at me without those stars in your eyes
The ones i hope to see after every kiss and every i love you
I am again shy
I'd hold your hand but you would be disappointed at the marks I've made for everytime I cried from hearing your name
What have i done to make your heart so cold?
So solid?
Solid like a stone shattering my mask and making me break down like the weak emotional wreck i am
Please tell me otherwise
Please tell me that i can
That i can ignore every imaginary lie that i dream about crawling off of your lips
Imaginary lies are what they are
Imaginary
Yet everything hurts like it's real