I am just as bright, but hidden inside.
Behind the doors of this home
Inside the walls of my skin
Behind windows and eyelids

I am just as beautiful as I was then
In the reflection, in what’s with in
In the soft of my skin and light personality
In the way that I think, in what’s reality

I am just as loveable, but alone
In the dead of the night, when I dream so dreary
When I am metaphorically seeking, weeping
When I’m in an embrace, with a lover’s charade

I am still me, just no one can see
I am just as bright, beautiful and loveable
Just alone
Until he arrives, and I know that I show

We are not all broken.
Just because I have struggled
Doesn’t mean I am unlovable
Just because she said…
Most women are broken
Means nothing
I am just as much complete
Will and hard work once meet
Sculpted who I seek to be
Belittled by something so week
Flee from me
Negativity, seems to find me
It’s so whiny
I’m to shiny
Sulk, self-pity, loathing
You’re too boring
Over worn
Over used
I’m good enough
I’m full
Put together
More mature

Afraid of Fire and Frigid Bite.

sanity colliding with urging action
at first alone and forgotten
stricken with a fierce confusion
tired of the fight against allusion

I only hoped to let you know,
how I felt so alone..
but you held out a safety rope
drowning, gag and choke
I grabbed it and began to float
confused and afraid of hurt
I hold on but still afraid to lurk
lurk closer to knowing you
the pain can sting and so can you


but a beauties their, deep and clear
its glowing light draws me near
afraid of fire.. but not of warmth
I fight the frost on the earth
a fire blisters or a frigid bite
the day to far from fear of night
so I walk a razor edge
I tiptoe a dotted line
with only you on my mind

sit in a window seal, steeling glimpses at your smile
while you face me, living in a day dream
both trying to figure out if this is real

sun shining through the clouds
smiles displayed proud
they always say
home is where your heart is
you know my favorite part is


sit'n in a window seal, steeling glimpses at your gleam
while you face me, bursting at your seams
both sewing fantasy, trying to make new reality
you have me leaving fantasy for my now and happenings



lock and key
for home and safety
between me and your guitar
you are always playing something

finally home. <3

Overwhelmed by autumn
She brings me to my knees
I wonder what she whispers
To the ever changing trees
A flickering fire light
She hides inside the leaves
Dancing something fierce
Passion fills then flees
Something smooth and sensual
Kissing all the leaves
There is a fire deep inside her
I swear I hear her sing
She is such a beauty
Walking hand in hand with change
I wonder what she said to all that once was green
How she led them to believe in a cycle
That can only promise things

Wild Fire Dancing

Wild fire dancing in electric red and orange
Softly making noise
Warmth that feels across a face
All consuming charm filling in my space
Exploding out so far
Reaching out my arms
Singing through the silence
Refuse to be beat
Holding down the violence
Past is passing, green grass is lasting
Hold my breath, fasting
Chasing after
Happy ever after
With happy in my hands
That’s my plan
I’m wild fire dancing

why cant i say i need someone to care about me right now
i need someone to want me
to talk to me
to kiss, and long after
what is this disaster i have fallen
into a cycle that is
i admire and see,and feel the beauty of the world
and no one seems to admire, see the fire
to feel or seek me
and that is fine
but thats a lie
i feel so lonely
long for longing
touching a shadow
wishing it could feel me
chase after dreams
that seem to be reality
want hands to hold my face
to draw me in
and share my space
and time after time
i reach my dreams
but i sleep alone
no one is home
but me

She is so naive,
She is so very far
From anything I am or was
Or care to be a part.
Innocents I wasn’t blessed with
I learned what was hard
And niceness wasn’t a pleasantry,
Not when life gets hard.
Maybe I’m aggressive
I feel way too much.
My life was harder
And I say I don’t give a ****
What else can I say?
What cards can I play?

Pretending that I didn’t fight so hard
For our happiness
That you never gave a **** about
Happy-- ness
I couldn’t outwit the
Discontent, you so willingly would invent
And recreate sadness, with a madness you blamed
On a four people who were unnamed
I’m ashamed that I believed you believed in us
You put your faith no ware, I just wanted you to put it there
To fight for how much I cared
To go out and see, and feel what can’t be explained
That’s the truth, that’s our flame
That turned my stomach
Into this pit of hell
Where knots of hurt, feast
Come together. Well whatever
I still loved you.
She isn’t the same
We are different.

Sometimes I wish I had something different
Every piece of art is made with deliberates but from intuition
Just like my life
Every decision is thought out but in reality
Its timing and final say is on the way I feel that day
And so many and so much sway
My mood pulling it like the sea to moon
It’s never free, I’m always high tide in emotion
Sometimes I wish I had something different
That mathematical precision that some people just have
But intuition just feels right
I can’t shake something that is so much part of me
I wonder if mathematical precision could explain
High tide that that never turns

my chin quivers when I really get to crying.
that's different.
yours never did.
but your neck runs into your collarbones the same way
we have the same chin and nearly the same jaw line
mines just slightly more square
our eyes are exact in color not quite in shape
but equally transparent
skin the exact same shade sprinkled with sun kissed pigment
freckles parading across the endless rise and fall of our bodies
they both breath
we both have seen my childhood and yours
I'm sure the inside of your eyelids feel like mine
they look the same
I'm sure you feel it, when your alone and think my name
we are not so different.
In someways we are still the same
I will cherish it.

Prize fight ,love and war

War torn love, a constant battle
Plans to make a moment stand for something
Trying to show this is real
But no skin can touch until we heal
Wild eyes meet and gaze
How to touch is what’s on their brains
The hurt and guilt can not faze
Endless though, his mind a maze
Guilt grenades explode so fierce
Echoed crying Is all we hear
And even when they close their eyes
Guns still fire and friends still lie
Trauma strikes them deep,
in hopes to knock them from their feet
Blood still rains from passions sky
Birds all fall instead of dive
Barbed wire catches though of hope
Silent night steals smiles
And even when this war starts to slow
People shake in fear of more
All who are left to stand
Look around ,blood dripping from their hands
Terror shaking their core
Breathing starts to sore
But no sound brakes this new found state
Warriors turn to spectate
A new force begins to take its form
Wars scary presence hold them in their place
They know something new may await
The two lovers eyes well up
A prize fight has taken place
Have they won what feels so great?
Or is this a break..
War still leaves a bitter taste,
But they stand still afraid of haste
Silence fills the dark
The only light is their shared spark
Angry love twisted in fear
Has proven how they both feel
War still plagues, but hope is felt
And two hands reach out
And they haven’t fell

Stand up on your soapbox
Say the words you think
Study what you believe in
Hear what’s being said
So maybe you’re opinionated
But no one cares what you post
You believe in something
Say it with a voice    
Get up early morning
Sacrifice the time
To protest or make a noise
In reality and time
Step outside a tweet to
Really speak your mind
To sing a song
All along together
Stand up on a soapbox
Really speak your mind.

I am a warrior of sort
Art in ceramic, paint, clay,even tape
Whatever I can shape, words
I try to recreate a world
That stigmatizes creativity
And I laugh because they will need me
We live in a place full of hate
Corporate hands that are heavy
And a mother that is sick
From the evils we invent
Earth evolving, at an alarming rate
To soon emanate the overshoot
Of our population, that has overtaken her health
And wealth is still only measured by paper
Intelligence by our ability to be intellectual
I create, and soon enough they will see
They need me.
And I will be part of a powerful force
That has been overlooked
A warrior, single soldiers
Marching along with all the other creators
And problem solvers of the world
Now stand there and stigmatize
Hide behind a degree
Tell me my dreams mean nothing
I am an artist, why is that so funny?
Will it still be when we are all running?
From the re-precautions of out today
Will what I do still seem like play
Or will we see it a different way
Creations and good ideas embraced
And when creators try to save the world
When they are finally heard
Will things stay the same?
Art be the bottom
Of the shoes successful people walk on
The socks of corporate stature
Will they still overlook the power of creation?
Power
Don’t forget about the people
We do more than math
We can heal, just like we have harmed
Time to be alarmed, time to listen
New generation, faced with this new condition
Said the artist
As no one listened

How do you write love?
LOVE
id say like that.
or perhaps its when a little brother grows older
and he still lets you call him little brother
as he stands, stature climbing over yours

or perhaps its in a little sisters
toothless grin,or dimpled chin
and silly giggles and sleepy eyes

of perhaps in a lovers promise
always and forever
kissing, hugging, snuggling
perhaps

maybe in a mothers arms
in her will, in her charm
found amoung her asperations
in place of a new found fasination
a babies cry
or maybe writing love, says it all
L-O-V-E
or maybe thats how you write love
mybe just letters with emplied meaning, or all the above

Endlessly fascinating
Glossy morality, hands hold in finality
Sleepy bliss as you find time in me
Why do you stand out to me
Like a light inside night to me
But this isn’t about me
Only what is happening
I have been told I am easy to know
But I feel I am hard to understand
Morality leading me
Blue eyes seeing outside of me
Big dreams conquering
Nightmares seep out freeing me
One person understanding
…. Far from me.
At least he finds time in me
So bright in me
I find him inside of me
Maybe that’s what’s so strange
Fascinating, captivating
Easy to know, harder to understand
In leaving freeing me
I miss you

If I could build a future out of yesterdays hope
I would have a charming home
A quaint oasis that I built from our old love

I would have manifested our children
From stardust and cat-like curiosity
Their chubby toes would point them in the right direction always

If I could architect a future out of empty promises
I would have more than a deflated reality
An image of a home whos outline wavers
Ella’s name would not be make-believe
Her laughter would have filled my hallways
Her eyes would be known and her whole self-cherished

If it were possible to make out of what was taken
I would make my gate from recycled doors
That way I could have privacy
While always remembering how to let others in
how to stay open

I would show you how to blow air into a balloon, we would watch it fill up
So you could see that even dreams need something tangible to breathe life into them

I wish I could create with the disappointment you filled my life with
It is so abundant, it would be so practical it is littered throughout my memory
So much of what I am left with I can’t use to build, its *******
I cashed in five years just to realized you were a bad investment

If I could build from your lies a home
I would spread my capacity for caring softly across the surface of each room, like wallpaper
I would remove the hand-painted sign that read
"My home is where you are"
Because I have proven you are not the essentials needed
to make a house a home, I am.

Once I was told the universe was nothing and then it became something
Maybe this void that holds the space inside of me
Where my future plans and dreams dissolved
Where a skeleton of my almost family and life died
where the plot to build the home that will never be resides
Maybe that’s where my big bang can start

I need to make something bigger than the life I planned with you
Ill turn this nothing into something
Just watch me breathe life into my new beginnings
see my new home I build when the bricks are not soft-spoken manipulations of the truth
but are real bricks that bear weight and hold things up
A real home

You are just a girl
Using text to rule the world
Acidic hurt, that you hurl
At all the other girls
Times have changed
Facebook aids
Using means to be mean
Knifes and swords’
Not enough
It’s a show, you seeming tuff
Hiding behind typed words
It’s just a bluff
Would you be so cruel?
If she were in your space
If you were next to her,
Face to face
Chang of pace
Say what you mean
Mean what you say
This is a game, I will not play
Don’t spread around your hurt
With a word, you change the world
Change it for the good.
You understand mis misunderstood.

I do not tiptoe
Just foot after foot
And I go
No need in denying,
No since in just hiding
Just keep on rowing my boat
Take life by the hand
Walk on with no plan
No one to tell me I can’t
One step at a time
I won’t fall behind
But I feel blind in a world of color

Creativity leaking from the tips of finger prints
Left behind, smooth surfaces
Of terracotta earthy dirt
Light dust hovering in the air
And I feel at home
Curvy shapely women
Who turns to tangled tree
Rising from the handful
Of earthy dirt
Singing about mother earth
Making something so sure
On purpose
Feels so monumental
And I feel at home
In the space I create
With just a fist full of dirt
I can change the world
Form it to the shape
That best fits what we need
And I know I am at home

I am a collector of hurt souls and sour people
Taking them through themselves
Answering confused looks
Nudging toward harsh truths
Laying out my ***** laundry

Everyone has something
Venerability equaling authenticity
In meeting people who are worth meeting
Showing yourself
hurt to heal,
a trade of sorts
Making deals
But you would not bargen
In the mist of all these people
I fell…
Fell
In
Love
In love with
Making others feel understood
Standing alone, I stood with everyone
They all felt they knew me
Truth is they don’t understand
But you do and we meet each other where I am
You walk me through myself and you through you
Not standing in a sea alone
But standing next to you

Stinging.
I build myself up higher
Not even your fire can burn me down
Stone
Cold
Alone
But  alright
Fighting you
Fighting light
No fun while I’m young
Because I am a flower
I have to be picked
Picked because you admire
My sweet smell, color, desire
Nothing to eat
Process and excrete
Nothing to use
Then leave
******* and your kind
You make the world hard
Scared, battered and bruised
Lips like these will never please,
A stupid degenerate like you.

*Sad thing is I have never let boys like that in, but they still break my heart. They let something turn them into a monster, tear them apart. You are worth being loved, but you feel its to far.

when a frail skinny girl hold out her secrets. Just a note that reads" I just don't know why I am not beautiful, the thought of not being skinny or pretty enough is eating me alive"...  sends an echo of heartbreak and a calling. A calling that is answered from a deep place in me,  answering you are beautiful! In the loudest most assertive, complete, confident, life altering voice I scream from every cell in my body, you are a lovely creature! How awe struck this world must be that your feet have felt its existence. And that same voice now answers your calling, is assuring you that I love you. You want to know the depth, you want to know how I know. Its easy to answer because its a voice that rings, that is an alarm in every cell of my body, that goes off as the right question is met with an obvious right answer. Can you not hear it? I love you.

Only To Test The water
Static, still unmovable
Freezing up and slowing
World tilting and growning
I am owning up and coming up
Through the cracks of expectation
They all lay wait in a crazed fascination
Like I am suppose to come alive in a new safe haven
Like I am the same way, before they left me
A new home and place is suppose to lay a foundation
lay the ground work for a new creation
A stronger me, and new me, one that knows how to smile
They think I fight it, but it just was put away
Frosty water laps at my past, I’m too slow to move so fast
The world is warm and moves with haste
I sit so still as the ice crystals form around my face
And it aches and it burns and my heart twist and it turns
Salty water drips sown my cheeks and the sun begins to leave
Who is anyone to limit me and what that means
I mean to explore and to understand, not to undermined
To switch the malevolent movement of the water
I never sought to make them mad, to hurt with sand
Only to test the water.

I can’t believe I’m here
You don’t see me
Not like I see you
Warmth and pout lips

You see skinny, cleaver me
You see friendly
Let’s be friends

I see you ******* in my head
Stupid me.
Lets pretend
You see me inside my beauty
And realize I’m here
Climb inside
Were we collide
In crazy Teias head

The only thing people do together in loneliness is feel it.
Its once connection or love happens that it’s stolen
But loneliness has a pull in
Like water to a drain
All the molecules the same
But lost, forgot and replaced
Loneliness is a universal thing
But I feel alone in it
Together we hold the solution
But reality is what we perceive
Not what’s actually happening
One of the only things humanity collectively does
Is feel loneliness
Alone
All
Together
The irony

I don’t write for you
I ******* write for me
I don’t write except to fight the hell that’s dragging after me
To explore what’s under skin, that masks its whole.
Dwelling in my lakes of feeling
That no one knows the pull
Peeling back the lawyers,
Rip it open, hear it tear
I am angry, sad, and hurt
Scraped and fallen
I write to pick myself up off the dirt
And scream when no one knows I’m there
Where no one’s there to hear
The deathly hurtled scream of a lonely single part of a pair
I write to **** the demons that are pulling at my heart
To torture them and slowly pull them apart
I write to kiss the skin of a lover I use to know
To deal with the hurt of really letting go
To know he moved on before I understood
Keeping me sane when no one thought I could
Reminds of the irony, of what Christmas really gives
To open doors and close them
To let them in or show them
Recreating my reality
Or simply feeling the cool shade of a growing tree
I don’t write for you
I write for me
Because this rant is part of a process
That is setting me free
I bend at the bars
I let in a breeze
I feel a little happiness
And I remember I’m me

I Love the Water

Water in all its complexity
Glides over and caresses me
Tingle and kiss my skin
It’s the warmth that settles in
Its adventure in what is normal
Its unconventional informal
Its clear and showing all that is
When bubbles race for surface
Colors smear and blend
Take a deep breath and hold
Submerge your self in the unknown
Jump off high and land in the night
It will take you to were ever feels right
You are water, you are free
You’re the kiss that’s touching me
Your water in all its simplicity
The comforting chill in the summer breeze
The adrenaline when I dive in
The uncertainty in the certain
The fun that is behind the curtain
The joy and play that happens
When you love the water your swimming in
I love this water, this chilling thrill
I love the way you move
I love all the things you do.
I love the water

It’s not falling in love, just know I’m falling.
That moment that you feel the rush of falling before your feet actually leave cliffs edge
Your heart pounding, alarms sounding
As alive and awake in that moment
As the ones ahead where you are actually flailing
Where you have already made the decition
And waters on its way to meeting you
There has to be a word for that
Whats the word for that?

The moment you see the roller coaster climbing
And your heart’s reacting to the drop
Like you have already been dropped
What is the word for that?

Writing words…. There are no word… ill find words for that.
Because deep inside of me I can already anticipate me falling
And I am reacting before its even happened
Like a moment where you are a passenger in a car
were you can’t see out the window
But scared silence lets you know that those who can
Have  already braced themselves for impact
Unable to see the car outside t- bone the one you are inside means nothing
The fear gathered from others ****** expressions is real
You are real
There are words for that.
Real
Really falling.

looking back at burning buildings and soot stained air
I see you walking out of the fire
feeling scared,bitter and blistered
even now your blood is still boiling
charcoal walls are all you had to comfort you
you felt burnt.

it was never my intention.
my maze of a life left me confused
but I burned you.
I never meant to hurt you.
still you choke on smokey memories
grit down on ash between lips what forget what smiling feels like

I said sorry….
i will say it again
for the time i left you
for my confusion
I am not sorry for the place you choose to stay
you watched the walls burn
then you watched them crumble and fade
you just stayed

in self pity and furry
you never doused it
you held a fire inside you and let it hollow you out
flames licked at your heart until you only felt pain
then you just stayed.
neutered sorrow and acidic tears
you let the fire eat you alive for years
I hate the bitter you see in everything
I hate that you blame me for bending, breaking
for being so ******* weak.

I laugh
Just because I blush
Doesn’t mean I don’t bite
Although I am particular
Doesn’t mean I don’t like
Hot thrilling moment
That touches me just right
Waiting on the moments that bring out that sigh
I only make when I…
Replying what I’m playing
Remember what I am saying
I know we are relating
We all like to play
Rewind in our mind,
before time carries us away
Too bad, I’m alone tonight
I just want to play*
Different kind of sigh.
Just left rewinding,to a time
Id sigh

Her voice swallowed me
Taking in all of me
Encapsulated , over taken
Shocked
Her voice had always rang true when she talked
She sung, and it rang, rung, round her truth
That I found, she was beautiful
Carrying her sweet song, like she carried everybody else
Full-heartedly, companionably
Completely, she can see me
And I laugh because she clearly can’t hear herself
See her…. self, because she likes
That I don’t hide, that I’m blind to delicate
Say it like it is
And that is why
I don’t lie
She is beautiful.

You peal back his past and and pull it through
sewing his history and his going to be up in a moment
torment and torture, you delight in his pain and his fighting
delighting in the life you are tainting, destroying
watching him straining,he is trying to forget what remaining
and I am stuck painting
sketching
reworking
searching
He wants to forget you,He wants to forget your mean, your mad, the things you stole and the things you have.
He wants to forget your mean and your mad... and all the things you once had.
He wants to forget you.
erase your face from the storybook life we have now
you refuse to let absence in, showing up in the dark
throwing bricks
steeling things from his yard
he is too nice, he is too hurt
I love him more and more and I feel this burn
burn your house
burn your yard
steel your cat
and fuel this urge
burn your mean
burn your fire
burn that look
that old desire
burn that smile that's backed with hate
fight that feeling that turns me irate
sit back down
I refuse
to do anything
that makes me feel like you
Hating what hurts what I love most
Burning hot
cheers lets toast
toast to being more
the high road is hard, I am feeling chard
I remember what matters most
I have him in my heart, he has me and his
when he says my name he does not cringe
He loves me.

You see life with eyes wide
And fear seems to find
A way around you
Because it never stops itself
In your path
And you laugh, like life isn’t so serious
Looking for positives
Looking at the people
And the wheel in your head spins
Because you want to fix
The evil that exists
You want to hold the hands
Of all the tired people
Lost, sad and dead
But you hold up your head
And I feel
Like
You
Will
Change
The world
Just by being yourself
You should be proud
That you are not anyone else
You are remarkable
Absolutely breathtaking
kind
my heart wishes to hold you
wishes you could find
something inside of me
that rings right with you
but either way
glad to say
I have known you

The Gift
She had silky red lips sipping on
Intelligence, and intuition.
Blue watery eyes
Perfectly disguise,
Intricately weaving words
That are shaped, then escape
Change the landscape
Of relationships and connection.
Gravitating truth to unexplained urges
Feelings all colliding, leading to one thing.
She is absolutely unique,herself.
Bring forth an Absolute beauty.
As well as drawing a connection for me,
Once again providing a bridge
This time completely unaware
Of the truth she has delivered.

She is no reflection
Only 94% same genetic makeup.
But our likeness has never helped me see myself
Not like it did today.
I saw her physically,
but more importantly
Emotionally.
She helped me remember
What I bring to the table.
Expression and a suave reading,
Of people and their meaning.
Helping them see pieces of them self
My gift of self-awareness
Gifted to me.
As I sought to see
Its more than red lips
Blue eyes
That are a bit alike.

Seeing myself inside her,
skin the exact same shade
sprinkled with sun kissed pigment
freckles parading across
the endless rise and fall of our bodies
Lost and scared her words
Reminded me I was there.
remembering even when days get dark
my gift, gifted to me,
A new light through which I see
myself, red lips and blue eyes
I love her for loving, and I love her like myself
sister, you helped me see
what is so loveable
In the same city that holds us tonight.
If you ever tell my story,say
that today was the day I was born again.

Green morphing into amber
Brown dark texture
Underfoot layer after layer
Deep complexities found
Underneath earthy ground
Change is in a chilled air
Autumn smiles
Sweeps back her hair
She doesn’t know it
It isn’t planed
Life just takes her by the hand
See myself inside these trees
Leafs burn bright
Fade and leave.
My name is autumn
Life is fast
Change just happens
Nothing lasts
But its so beautiful
Full with color
Wind it shakes me
He is my  lover
But I know nothings
Sure to last
So I embrace this fire
With every breath
Let go of all my leaves
Let life and wind just set me free

Never know why some words stick to people
Living in a world thrumming with life
Words gluing us together
But so many just hum
Pass by
in one ear and into the atmosphere
What dictates what sticks?
Does it come from the person
Whatever makes them tick
If I found the key
Could I use it to
Make my words just stick to you?
As they pass right through you
Others pick them up
Aww struck
Cant believe their luck
Why try, give a ****
When words won’t stick
But maybe if I pick more carefully
But others stair at me
So strange, you see
My words should stick.

I burn red. Literally blushing to the point of heat exhaustion
I am fire, fiery full of passion for a better world, for better, greatness
I redefine successes, and I push myself for the best
Gazing inside the lines society claims as norm, abnormal
People are the things I fixate on, because I care and can’t move on
And I am livid that you, you like all those I watch
Have forgot… you don’t see. It kills me.

Lightly wind cradles me and pushes
Exhaling as air laps at my cheeks
Light as a feather I feel myself
Coming down to earth
Where you don’t exist
Because you only see me
When I dream of you
In reality
You have failed to see my light
So I walk toward the sun and try
To remind myself
I am fine.
I'm on fire
Light
Light as a feather
Bright as fire

Soft skin that still
Has elastic in its silk
Freckles lightly kiss
An even spread mist
Over fair skin
That falls over
A face that smiles
Eyes bright and beautiful
Blue that captures you
Youth and all its promises
To get skin eventually
To stretch and sag
And grow week to lag
To experience
To live
And
whisper a story told inside your skin
Someday I want to find
Crow’s feet and smile lines
And darkened freckles
With silver grey and white
That sprouts out, only earned in time
To have a raspier laugh
That flouts longer in the shortened
Breath I have
To have time
To fully discover
Me
Myself
My lover
Life and happiness

Your gaze warms me up
Something happens when we touch
Melting me from my frosted life
Chilling truth is,I liked to hide
The routine and everyday
I surround myself but never played
Twisted locks and taunting eyes
Light me up deep inside
And a smile came to say
Daring me to be this way
Listen laugh and goof around
I can’t believe what I've found
That smile I wrote about
And now I know the sound
Of low golden tones
that flipped my life around
laugh with me
continue to cast that smile
play for a while.
I dare you =)

I am a thousand million words
Letters sung and silence
A hundred kinds of laughter
Breaking up the quiet
A trillion upset feeling
Grouping, giant riot
A kiss, a dare to try it
I refuse to hear a tone
Even as golden rich as yours
Say I am not worth it
When mine you haven’t heard
You haven't tried it
You haven’t pressed your fingers
Along old withered words
Pages un-flipped, not turned
Haven’t inhaled the smell
Of  pretty printed page
Haven looked past the cover
To see what i have to say
Do not tell me i'm not worth it
You haven't read the words yet
I'm the best thing you don't know yet

Today I ripped up that inked paper
Crafted, inked sketched
To shorted the distance between our difference
Something that hasn’t happened yet
Negativity, is all it brings me
And it lays in pieces by my bed
Seeing what is there
Instead of what I made
Lays
Alone
In pieces
No one ever appreciated you
Not like me
Not like I do
In some ways
It was perfect
Celtics player
Patterns
Green sprayed across
A piece of paper that struggled
To say
It doesn’t have to be perfect
But I took it down
Because they never understood
What it stands for
Stood for
…. No shorter of a distance
Paper doesn’t make a bridge
to cross the gap
between the difference
of you and me.
today I ripped that paper

skin please hold in
everything
don't let her hurting me, seep, start bleeding
skin please hold it in
don't let her see what she is doing to me
like every muscle, ounce of blood
all parts there, but left unseen
don't let tears begin to bleed
skin
hold
in
everything.

I don’t pick someone and wish to be a part of them
Not like I am right now with him
I don’t usually find someone who stands out in such a
Overwhelming way, in a way I feel so sure about.
But he makes me love me, and love who he is
But I found out what I thought I was prepared for
And the worst was a little bit
Satisfying in the strangest way
She is one of my very closest friends
She is bubby, beautiful and bright
And I love to be in the light she cast upon the world
She glides, hides from nothing and is fearless
And he likes her.
If I were a boy I would too
Just like I like you
But I’m transparent in a way
You see right through me
And although it makes me sad you don’t see
A light in me
You see the same light I see in her
And if you are so blind or you feel my light isn’t right
Maybe I should step back from yours
What is funny is we are so similar
How could I love and appreciate you
Without loving parts of myself?
But I understand
She is great
Love to love, love to hate
Life is such a funny thing

I can't even write
I feel so alone
Just sad
And my fingers fail
To hit the key in a way
That sings
And sets me free
But I try try try
Because my life just doesn’t feel right
I can’t even write
All alone tonight
Wishing I had
A dimpled sweet smile
But nothing is here
Just me and my fears
Nothings coming out nice
Fight, stumble choke
Fingers glide, find and poke
Click click click
Don’t bother to read what I wrote

I half-hazardously hold onto
The soft edges of my comforter
It lining me from the chill
Cold ridged fingers of loneliness
Gently caress my shoulders
Pulling me into an endless way of thinking
My warmth shrugging her off
How dare she lay her hands on me
And I flee to a new place of darkness
Ware I dream of warm hands
Sliding down my back
Pulling me in
She appears, sliding in-between us
Her coldness wakes me from my day dream
She always seems to find me
I mean us?
Alone
Cold
Alone…
Leave me alone in loneliness
her hands always finding me

Lucidity ivied my mind
Encapsulate my understandings
Replay my reasonable findings
Play it back to me
Where do I fit,
They call it spirituality
A group consciousness
Cosmic understanding
******* truth.

Raw emotions simmer to the top
Where are we, where do I belong?
I see glitter in the night
Reminding me of my tangible size
And they try to tell me
A humble voice that rumbles
From a man who sits in the sky
I feel far from that
They ask why?

I feel a part of something
But its not a part of man
Of an all knowing being
Who has almighty hands
That we named so simple
Dog with letters skewed
God was just a friend
That explained what we never knew
from what ends and began
Struggle to understand
What no one really knows
And so the story goes
Still no sign of where I go
But god is not the answer

I keep looking back
Grey shades flashing by
Hear the songs fill the air
Bring me back in time
The past is staring me
Directly in my eyes
And yellow separates
Between the finest lines
Fumbling inside myself
Building me back up
Yesterday is fighting hard
Now it’s not locked up
Accelerate the space
Pace and time
Turn back around,
To see myself, I’m fine
In today’s reflections shine
I’m sewed and stitched
Trampled and battered blue
But my insides finally
Upheaved, and I’ve been born a new

I stood there with my hands out begging for forgiveness
She gave it but I wilted, until the sun help me to stand
And together we grew on common ground
Understanding fueling my defeat of grief
Leafs budding from rooted truth
We healed with what we both knew
Time passed by, I loved her still
Her freckled face, her sheer will
She was the brightest flower I had seen
But her brilliance became less green
She would take the nurturance we once had shared
She started pulling at my petals
Telling me I wasn’t bright
Saying things to make her light shine
And sneaking all the sun
I let it be, I let her have her fun
I took it every time
Knowing she had once took mine
Thorns took place of soft vulnerabilities
And she stung instead of happy memories
What happened to that flower?
What happened to her power?
What happened to the beauty?
When did you get so *****?

Silence
Says the world around me
I spend so much time looking for my friends and my family
But the world it shushes, and it hushes me
Lulls me, sings me a melody
Of possibility, but doesn’t tell the truth
Silence
Says the world around me
I reach out so desperately, to have the closeness I once had
But the harder I try, the more that I strive, leads to ……
Nothing, but I need something, I scream
I need to speak out, but no one’s around
Silence
Says the people around me
A crowd of remembered faces, all faded
( why do the shush me, and hush me?)
I had known them to love me
Is nothing above me, below me
Can’t anyone hear me, a wine or a whistle?
Silence
Silence
Silence
I am still hear.