With a cigarette hanging between my fingers
The perfume of liquor on my lips
I think to myself that maybe
I could've been more than this

Ugly, petty, and broken
Remnants of a knowledge still unspoken

To him maybe I'm someone else
To him maybe I'm not myself

But it's wrong of me
Believing in a promise of tomorrow
When I'm supposed to be
Already dead

He calls me an angel
Something like a gift from God
And he takes my hand,
Reverently
To tell me he believes in fate
To tell me that he loves me
Though I've been nothing but a sinner
All my lonely life

And he calls me his savior
For what I've seen him through
But I never have been able
To see God as saviors do

I've wondered, yes, I've prayed
To what, I do not know
I gave up questions of my purpose
Oh, so long ago

But in his eyes I see belief
In his eyes, I see redemption
For all the things I've done
For what I cannot mention
And I'll do my best to be
Myself, the best version

But I will not say
If I'll ever know with certainty
The value of my life
In doubt, until my death

I surely don't regret
The person I've become
The many wrongs I've done
That led me here to him
Still a soul mired in sin

He opens the door
And I begin to believe
There's more I'm here for

I'm closing my eyes
And I'm trying to believe
That for once I am changing
Climbing back out of my grave

But, though the fog is fading,
I know what lies beneath.
Under smiles and laughter
So many tears and this disease

I'm sure there's no cure
So I don't wanna hurt you, too
Because the day it comes back
I'll fall away from you

You say you want me
And I know you think it's true
So why does this fear remain
That I mean nothing to you

I guess I'm the fool
To fall the way I do
Trying to get closer
Closer to you

I don't even know
How this is meant to go
Emotions, racing heartbeats
Forces still unknown

And I've tried, oh I've tried
To tell myself it's not true
But I know when I see you
There's only one thing
One thing I wanna do

I don't need to think about love
Somehow it seems it's not meant to be
At least not for me
But there are nights that I still dream
Involuntary
Of someone there to hold me
Of a feeling like comfort or security
And from these dreams I wake
With such foolish tears
Drying on my tired face

Can I be blamed?
For wanting what others have
For grieving the loss of love I've never known

Just an errant thought, of course
I know better than to wish on stars
That shine on us, impassively
And maybe it's true
That I've known too much of hate
To ever offer love to you

But maybe...
But maybe.

And it's like that
That I wonder what more life could be
Without this vague aching
Without this empty part of me

Something I've only felt in my dreams
Just as beautiful and perfect
As it is impossible and fleeting
Or so it always seems