I don't need to think about love
Somehow it seems it's not meant to be
At least not for me
But there are nights that I still dream
Involuntary
Of someone there to hold me
Of a feeling like comfort or security
And from these dreams I wake
With such foolish tears
Drying on my tired face

Can I be blamed?
For wanting what others have
For grieving the loss of love I've never known

Just an errant thought, of course
I know better than to wish on stars
That shine on us, impassively
And maybe it's true
That I've known too much of hate
To ever offer love to you

But maybe...
But maybe.

And it's like that
That I wonder what more life could be
Without this vague aching
Without this empty part of me

Something I've only felt in my dreams
Just as beautiful and perfect
As it is impossible and fleeting
Or so it always seems

The rain pouring down on me now
Feels like a new life
Seen through new eyes
And I just realized
I don't want to **** it up

I had forgotten what it was like
To be angry at complacency
I'd given up completely
Nothing mattered
Least of all the future
And as my death hovered,
Close enough to touch,
I was saying goodbye
A little more each day

But something changed
And today my mind is clear
I think I can believe
That I'll go on
And, although I'm afraid,
Of the darkness I've known so intimately,
I must continue
See this through

So I'll start all over
All over again
I'll move forward,
Grow stronger than I was
Though I don't understand,
Can't say I ever did,
I'm gonna believe
Take this chance
Stop looking back
And fight to be
For once in my life
Free.

Look at the way
Your fingers uncurl
Like a flower in the sun

Look in my eyes
And promise me that
I will not come undone

Stood next to the river
As the sky grew black
Felt icy water in my fingers
Wondered if I wanted to turn back

Some kinda numbness
Filled up my empty soul
As all those dark trees and branches
Rattled in the cold

If I turn back now
Yeah, the sun’s gonna rise
But I’ll still be dyin’
My bones freezin’ up inside

There’s a peaceful kind of fear
In knowing you’re alone
No one’s gonna cry for you
When you don’t come home
And all that black water
It’d swallow you whole
And as the fish plucked out your eyes
You’d be still as a ******’ stone

If I turn back now
Yeah, the sun’s gonna rise
But it’s not like
I can turn back time
And I’m already floating
Through this empty life

A teardrop falls on tissue paper
A child's toy falls on the forest floor
A precious stone is thrown away, accidentally
In time these things are lost
Forgotten, faded
Like me

Was I good enough?
Was I even okay?
I've stopped asking these questions
By now I know
It doesn't matter what I do
Doesn't matter how pretty I smile

A teardrop dries and the paper is untarnished
The child grows older and moves on
The stone is replaced by another
And without me your life will be the same
Without me means nothing to you

I know
I know
I'll wash off

How can I not be afraid
There's nothing left to say
And today just looks so gray
An ugly scar, a heart betrayed

I'm a broken record
My song is all ****** up
The chorus and the lines dismembered
The notes and keys all untethered

What a mess.

Words and sounds shred to ribbons
I don't search for meaning anymore
My best work's been fed to demons
Weak and rotten to the core

How pathetic.

It's been getting worse and worse
Death of self, a matter of course

Back when I was overplayed and overbooked
A striking board for your matches
You never saw all the bleeding scratches
No, you never even looked