I always feel gloomy every 5th of February
Must be the idea of growing old
In a fast-paced world
Seems like a never-ending questioning of
Sanity and morals and dignity and fate
Surrounded by whispers of longing
You just ask if there’s anything left
Or is it going to be like this forevermore
Unsatisfied, discontented, dissociated, distant
Unruly, unkempt, unsure
Knowing that it is nothing but another
Insignificant year of false hopes
Nothing but unread notes
Keeping in mind that these should have been
Inside a box, thrown in a bottomless pit but
No. You just had to creep back. Go back. Stop

I wasn't prepared for this familiar feeling
I was always so certain
Always so sure
That I have left no more blank page in our book
That I have closed for almost two years now
And yet
This isolation is trying to rekindle what's lost
You said you are happy now
With her
And I said I was happy
For you
And yet
This familiar feeling has kept my mind awake
It's 2am now
I just want some sleep
I just want some rest
I just want some solace
I just want some
of you
Yet
I know it is wrong to long for you
Because then I will need more blank pages to write
I will need to open the book
But I can't because I am writing yet another love story
With yet another protagonist
There's no room for another persona
There SHOULD be no room for you
And yet
I have slipped a torn page from our story
Between the pages of this new book.
I should have thrown it away
Like all the memoirs of you
And yet
I still wasn't prepared for this familiar feeling of
Longing.

Hey stranger,
I had gripped your hands hard when we did some waltz
You gripped back.
The disco lights kissed your face.
It had given you the entire floor.
The music shifted to upbeat
and your dance moves were somehow weird
but then I found myself following your steps.
I was doing the same weird routine that you just invented.
Somehow the beating of my heart imitated the fast paced beat of the song.
It was wrong
or was it?
The DJ switched the music again
it was another ballad.
We swayed our hearts out.
I was lured by your long lashes.
I expected someone else tonight.
But then there was an impulse.
The stories were not yet told and yet
I felt bold.
It is as if I have known you a long time ago
Now, I'm longing for you.
It is wrong
or is it?
The night died.
So was our story.
Now all I can do is visit that memory of you in my dreams.
In my dreams alone
where we are a stranger to each other
but with feelings that are long known.
Tonight, I will be laid to rest.
I will play the song that you said you liked.
Tonight, I will once again reminisce that night.
It was a loose end.
It sparked hope for better days.
It was nothing but a secret to keep.
It was a bittersweet memory.
It will forever be an incomplete rhapsody.

You clothe me with your naked soul
On a forbidden Monday night
We enthrall ourselves with fascinations of an easy traverse
Since everything is merely surreal
We worry not on the dictations of the world
Thus, in the still of the night we ponder upon the thoughts of our bare minds
Bare but with no sense of shame nor vulnerability
In your arms, oh in those arms I feel nothing but complete serenity
You engulf me and that made me feel safe
Your sweet caress feeds my silly but profound fantasies
You keep me sane with your insanity
You are yet another miracle and you came in perfect timing because I desperately needed one
You are my escapism
From this utterly corrupted world
You are my felicity
Which I truly long for
You are my secret
Which I never intend to share
Tonight
We fall short
Tonight
We fall in love
Tonight
We enkindle amidst the darkness
Tonight
We enflame with burning desire
Tonight
We cease to exist
Tonight
We commune to live
Tonight
We made a mess
Tonight
We won't mind
Tonight
You are mine
Forever
I am yours
From this forbidden Monday night to
Forevermore.

He comes back with teary and hopeless eyes telling her that he couldn’t take the situation anymore.
Hence, it fueled the flame and so continues that quarrel that was supposed to end last night.
He always wanted to leave but he knows he can’t.
The sobs, turned into shouts and the time is stopped by her slapping him and leaving a cut in his left cheek.
Silence.
She sits at the edge of the bed and she started looking at him.
Then she realized how cruel life was for the both of them because of the situation they’re in.
She starts to reminisce the moments and how those moments ended.
Eventually she finds herself alone again, in that small and gloomy bedroom.

In a small and gloomy bedroom, she finds herself alone.
She remembers the argument they had last night.
Along with glimpses of her memories that show how sweet and tender their love was,
is the flashback of that argument.
She thinks of the memory of them dancing slowly
lost in the rhythm of La Vie En Rose
the passion behind each caress
the corny but sweet exchange of love notes
the dinner dates and the silent nights.
She then struggles to keep herself tamed with all of the mixed feelings of despair, anger and longing that she feels.
She looks at herself in the mirror and realizes that no matter how bad they fight was, they will still end up in each other’s arms.

At least one of us is happy.
At least one of use made it pass the broken bridge.
Well, I saw your picture today.
You gave her a back hug with your wide and bulky arms
Those arms that were once my dwelling place
Your eyes sparkled as you looked at the lens of the camera
It seemed like you had the world in your embrace
Then came reminiscence from those loveliest days
I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling
Was it jealousy?
Was it merely pain?
Was it regret?
Was it longing?
My mind wasn’t sure.
No, maybe it was my heart that is quite confused
Because even if I try to refuse
Even if I hide behind the blinds of my ego
The scars appeared from the memories of letting you go.

It's 3am and I found myself staring at my bedroom's ceiling
with my blank thoughts
just listening to the lullaby of the night.
Without my consent, a tear escaped from my left eye.
I was hoping that it was just because of the long staring game I had with the ceiling
and not because of the loneliness that engulfed me this time of the night
nor because of a glimpse of your face paving it's way to the pool of vague musings in my head.
That was supposed to be like a shooting star just quickly passing by
but it lingers there and now
it travels to the depth of my heart trying to unlock more the vault that locks a whole world with all the images of you.
I did try to resist but then the more I tried to hold it longer
the more visible the pain becomes.
So I gave up and ended up drowning with the thoughts of you
of us
It's 3am and I found myself missing you.
I miss you

Tahimik at tila nawalan na ng ganang huminga ang mundo
Nakasarado ang mga labing to pero alam kong punong puno
ng mga sigaw
ng mga hagulgol
ng mga mura
na pinipilit na hindi makawala
Dahil alam ko na kahit ang boses ay maubos
hanggang sa tuluyan nang mapaos
Hindi mo pa rin pakikinggan
Dinadaan nalang ang mga sakit na naipon
sa pagsulat sa basang pahinang pinipilit mang pagtagpiin
ay tuluyan nang napupunit
Gawa ng mga luhang kumakawala sa mga matang bulag
Marahang pinapahid dahil sa namamagang pisngi
Katulad ng pag-iibigan natin
Sa pahinang ito
Tuluyan nang nawasak at paunti unti nang naglalaho
Nabura na ang tinta at naging malabo na
ang mga salitang Mahal na mahal kita
Ipipikit nalang ang mga mata para tumigil na
Kasabay ang paghaplos sa nanlalamig na espasyo
Sa bandang kaliwa ng ating kama
Dito dating nakahimlay ang isang nilalang na nagbigay halaga sa kalawakan
Ang nagparamdam ng tunay na kahulugan ng buhay at pagmamahal
Pinapaniwalang ang pag-iibigan ay tunay at magtatagal
Pero mahal
Bakit ang mga halik ay napalitan ng mga mura
Ang mga yakap ay napalitan ng mga sampal
At ang mga matamis na ngiti ay napalitan na ng matalim na mata
Nasaan na ang pinangakong walang hanggan?
Alam ko kung gaano kasakit ang mawalan
Alam ko kung paano mawasak ang mundo ng isang iniwan
Pero alam mo ba kung ano yung pinakamasakit?
Magkatabi tayo at magkadikit ang mga balikat
Walang matitirang espasyo sa gitna dahil sa liit ng higaan
Pero hindi ko maramdaman na nariyan ka
Mali..
Alam kong andiyan ka pero alam ko rin na ang pagmamahal mo ay naglaho na
Sabi nila masakit makita ang mahal **** may kasamang iba
o hanggang kaibigan lang ang tingin niya
o wala na siyang ibang nabanggit kundi ang isang taong ayaw sa kanya
Putang ina
Hindi nila alam na mas masakit ang nararamdaman ng isang tangang katulad ko
Na pinipilit pinapaniwala ang sariling mahal mo pa ako
Mas masakit yun
Mahal hindi mo ba nakikita ang mga mapuputlang labi na minsan mo nang nahagkan?
Hindi mo ba naririnig ang mga hikbi na pinipilit kong itago pero hinihila pa rin palabas ng pighati?
Hindi mo ba nararamdaman kung gaano kita kamahal, kung gaano ako kahangal?
Gusto ko lang naman pakinggan mo ako
Gusto kong malaman mo na ayoko na
Na kahit ayoko na ay ayoko pa
Ayoko pang bumitaw
Dahil natatakot akong maligaw
Sa paniniwalang ang iyong palad ang gabay sa mundo kong minsan nang naging bughaw
Ayoko pang mawalay sayo
Ayoko pang ako’y iwan mo
Tawagin mo na akong tanga, gaga, boba
Pero Mahal kita
Pero Ayoko na
Ayoko na sana
Sana pigilan mo ako sa pagtangka kong pagbitaw
Pigilan mo sa pagsulat muli sa mga basang pahina dahil huli na to
Halikan ang mga nakasaradong labi nang mapalitan ang mga mura ng mahal
Mahal kita
Oo na hanggang sa huli
Kahit matagal nang sinasabi ng mga mata, labi at puso ko
At nakasulat sa huling basang pahina na ito
Na Ayoko pa, mahal ayoko na.

Amidst the angst and weeps
The heavy chains may be ripping off my heart
I see the sunshine just by looking at your eyes
Just by then, all is well
My soul may be succumbed by darkness
And I cry in endless vain
You make the longing pause
Just by pulling out that smile of yours
And it kills me
but it's the one that keeps me feel alive.

I couldn't exactly remember how everything started
All I knew was how everything ended
how the concept of 'us' ended
The memories may be vague but the feelings of regret
felt just like a fresh open wound
I knew that it was in the four corners of this room
where I first saw a bit much of you
but it was also in the same four corners
where I had my last memory of you
You left without even giving me my goodbye kiss
just like what you used to do
You left without even saying how much you'll miss me
just like what you used to say
You left the four corners of this room
but in my heart you never did
I wanted you to stay just a bit longer
I wanted to tell you
that I still want to see you again
that you left your scent in my sheets
that you forgot to kiss me one last time
that you forgot to say you love me back
that I wish you'd still come back
that I would still want you back
I couldn't exactly remember what I did after that
but the echoes of my silent cries would not let me forget
I could only remember you and me
I wanted to remember just you and me
even though I have to forget you
just you and me and how we were happy once
in the four corners of this room.

I wanted to wander off the coast of melancholy
I wanted to make another step back from the calling
But as soon as my feet try to turn away from the sea of despair
I am pulled back by my memories of you
of you and me
of us
of "what ifs"
of what we could've been
of what we should've been
It's as if the waves came rushing but instead of pushing me back to the shore, it engulfs me more
Little did I know, I lost again
I lost the only battle I prepared for
I lost you
just as how the sea easily erases our carved names in the shore
just as how the sun disappears in the horizon
just as how the wind pushed me, I felt it's coldness until it's gone
I lost you
I am lost
I am lost in you
I am lost in the sea of my weeping for our parting
and now I want my love for you take me away
Let my soul be carried by the current
until I drown and feel no pain anymore
Let me be one with you
Let me be one with the sea
wishing someday I will wake up
In the land of pure bliss
with you and us

I LOVE YOU
When was the last time you heard someone telling you these 3 beautiful words?
Isn’t it heart melting to hear this from someone you’ve always loved?
How you wished to hear this
From your family or friends
From the people you love
As for me, Oh I hear it every day
I LOVE YOU
Every moment of silence
Every time the world pauses
Every single day without fail
Every time the cosmos gives me all the serenity that it could offer,
I hear this
But not from you who have given me the love that I never deserved
Not from you who never failed to show me how demons learn to love
Not from you who took away all the sadness and despair
Not from you, no not anymore
But from my memories of you
I could still hear your voice that once spoke these 3 beautiful words
It lingers even to the deepest part of my soul
Every time my mind makes another recall of you saying this,
My lips would draw that pleased smile
But that smile will always be followed by a teardrop
A droplet of rain that must’ve been lost by the sky
just found its way to my gloomy eye
Your eyes even defined the love that I’ve always wished I still have
I have you
I had you
I LOVED YOU
I still do
You still once loved me too
More than anything or anyone
More than I do
But I pushed you away
I told you not to stay
I thought it would still be okay but no
These beautiful words that once gave color to my day
Turned my whole world gray
All with the word regret
All I hear are the echoes of my mistakes
Every moment of silence
Every time the world pauses
Every single day without fail
Every time the cosmos gives me all the serenity that it could offer
Why did I let you go?
Why did I say no?
Why did I let you and us fade away?
Why was I not able to reply when you told me these 3 beautiful words?
I LOVE YOU
All I needed was to say I love you too
To look at you in the eyes saying how happy I am for being loved by you
To kiss you and feel your warmth as you constantly say my name with these words
Oh I love you
I love you
I will never stop saying this to you
I regret every moment that I took these words for granted
For taking you for granted
For not saying it back
I love you
I really do
I always love you
I will shout this to the world for everyone to hear
I will whisper it to every ear
I will tell every soul
Yes love, I love you
Believe me I’ve always loved you
I LOVE YOU
I don’t know when I’ll be able to hear these three beautiful words again
It may never give me the same bliss that I felt before
I may hear it again but not from your lips anymore
I don’t know how to cover my sadness with another lie
With another fake smile
To try to remember these three beautiful words, I love you even if the last word that you said was
the three-letter word, BYE.

She wants to be free
She wants to be released from the chains of pain and anxiety
She wants to stop asking herself the questions she long answered
She knew it's over
She knew that everything that is keeping her from going on
are just fragments of her vague happy memories
Those are long gone
But she still stays
She doesn't want to
But she just can't
She asks Why?
How?
She answers then,
The thing that kills you is
the only thing that made you feel alive.

He was afraid of losing me
He was the one who left.

The day we met was quite the oddest.
It was never love at first sight
but it was love that transpired because of the moments our eyes met
as if every gaze of yours was a droplet of rain to my parched soul.

The day you said you love me too was bizarre.
I never actually jumped for joy
but I made another response with a fiery and ardent kiss
as if every pursuit of your lips inflamed and melted my ice cold heart

The day you said goodbye was the hardest
It was an infinite stab to my chest
but I just let those wounds linger and made no resistance
as if every deep cut felt no despair nor misery at all

But the day I stopped loving you was today
It was supposed to be today, not tomorrow again but today
but then I still find myself longing for you, thinking of you
as if I am still trapped in the memories of you loving me too.

I want to wake up forgetting everything about you
just as how you woke up forgetting about us
I want to sleep without a single thought of you in my head
just as how you slept without thinking about how my day was
I want to escape from having nightmares of our memories
just as how you stayed in the delusion without any image of me
I want to believe that you never actually cared
just as how you doubted how much you meant to me.
I want to
I really do
I would if I could but I can't.

It almost felt like a desert in the middle of a stormy night
with all the noise of silence, the darkest hours constantly passed
the bitterness of  intoxication became a daily dose
because the strong wind stole all the affirmation of foolishness
even the fragments didn't make sense anymore
the soul was barren and tormented but it didn't matter
nothing made sense until that longing face showed up
and in a split second, the demon asleep inside the chest started to beat again.

I woke up with some ticklish kisses in my toes
It was the sea greeting 'good morning'
The tiny grain of crystals were all over my sheathing
I've always thought that these specks were all alive. I felt it
it's heart skipped a beat
As I stood up, there was another welcoming
The heartbeat stopped though.
That's when I thought, it was mine.
The scorching heat burned my uncovered flesh
I waited no more and dwell into the vast and deepest part
I ran and never looked back
"It's calling me." I beckoned
There I go, caressing those ticklish kisses
it desired for more
Now I let the blue devour my whole
At first it was needy.
But the farther we get to be one, the calmer it becomes.
There I was.
Laying in the bed of natural actuation
No more covering.
Just a salty meat and a messy female psyche.

In the middle of nowhere, I stood up wond'ring
Why am I here? I see none,nothing but darkness
Unknowingly,tears shed through such eyes yearning
Longing for warm,gentle comfort and sweet caress

I tried to scream,not a single word was uttered
My mind was filled with confusion and vague questions
Clueless and hurt, leaving a single thought "Why me?"
I then closed windows of thy soul with assumptions

I felt my body weakening and getting numb
I'm lost and torn apart yet no one seems to care
Thinking I better die and explode like a bomb
Than to live but thoroughly dying with despair

I was about to die to escape this anxiety
When a sudden spark of light from afar was seen
Oh, I saw it coming but it faded slowly
I was left hanging in a deep slumber in dim

Then I woke up there, an angel smiled before me
I wasn't in that dark misery anymore
I felt bliss. In my thoughts I asked,"who could he be?"
He whose light swallowed darkness that I once soared

"Who are you?", I asked with confusion while staring
At his eyes,oh such eyes that makes stars shine lesser
His face was vague.Before I knew I was closing
My eyes and felt his lips pressed to my lips closer

My freezing heart was melted by his warm embrace
I fear not,thus, I felt protected and secured
Lost again but not anymore in a dark place
In a paradise where my once torn heart's then cured