Be yourself
you should wait for the day
when a girl likes you for who you are.
they say
But
who am I?
Each time I fall in love,
something in me changes
I am a different person
having a different identity
to different people.
Who am I?
From the moment of my birth
I have not been myself
moulded into conventions of society
affected by my parents
by peers
by teachers
How am I supposed to know then
who am I?

If I am to be moulded by the society
Perhaps
I just might as well
be moulded into the ideal person
that she likes.

If only I had more courage
If only I had been braver
If only I seized the opportunity
when I had the chance.
No.
I am a coward
letting the chance slip by
a fool.
a failure.
If only I had taken the chance
If only I had taken the risk
If only I had tried
but no
I never even tried
never even attempted.
And its too late.
A coward.

I can't blame you.
You are not at fault for not loving me.
And although
you crushed my heart
took my joy away
and acted as if it were nothing.
I still love you.
I can't blame you.
I can't blame him.
He is not at fault for taking you.
All he did
was to do the things
I failed to do
all the things
I was afraid to do.
He is just like me.
I can't blame him.
Who,
for the broken heart;
do I blame?
Me.
For not being good enough.
For not being brave enough.
For not being the person she wanted.
For failing.
And I hate myself for it.

The only person
That can mend my broken heart ---
The one who broke it.

Let go.
Move on.
it will never work
it will be the best
for her
and for you
As if I didn't know.
As if moving on was something you could just do
As if I could just forget everything
As if my feelings could be just deleted
My mind tells me to let go
but my heart
my heart
refuses to let it go
Clinging on
onto the last strand of hope
that just refuses to break
If I could just let go…

Pain,
as if you are stabbed in the heart
with a needle
repeatedly.
Not damaging enough to **** you
but the pain,
the pain
is unbearable.
as if your heart is being ripped out
torn to pieces
and put back in.
I knew
it would not work
from the day
I laid my eyes upon you.
I know
It would not work
not before
not now
Why do I torment myself?
I don't know
But deep inside
there is this strand of hope
where I hope it would all work out
against all odds
and I'll be next to you
holding your hand
embracing you.
But I knew
it would not happen
from the day
I laid my eyes upon you
I know
it would not happen
not before
not now
You cannot begin
to fathom
my affection for you
for it is no longer a feeling
that can be described
with the word like
like two years ago.
But it doesn't matter
my heart belongs to you
but yours is somewhere else
belonging to someone else.
And all I can do
is to wish nothing but the best for you
for if I really love you
I would place your happiness above
mine
and all other things

I have so much I want
to say
to you
but I can't.
I want to tell you that I love you;
for everything you are
For your strengths and flaws
For your beauty, your intelligence, your personality...
A perfect imperfection.
I have so much I want
to say
to you
but I can't
I want to tell you I'm here;
that no matter what happens
I will be there for you.
That I will do everything I can to protect you
Even if you won't do the same for me.
I have so much I want
to say
to you
but I can't
I want to tell you that I'm sorry;
that I will do anything
to have another chance;
to return to the past.
Before that dreadful day.
I have so much I want
to say
to you
but I can't
Every time I see you.
I am paralyzed.
I search for words.
But my mouth is tied.
I want to do something.
Anything.
But my body does not respond.
My heart pounds.
I am frozen, chained to where I am.
And I cannot move.