One, do not fear to make mistakes. Mistakes are lessons, and in every lesson, there is something worth learning.

Two, live for yourself. Do not simply live to be the pleaser of all people but live to be the person you know to be the best version of you, no fake smile or white lie will suffice.

Three, Remain open. Open to new ideas, to new religions, to no religions, to all people and to all people of all backgrounds, the worst thing you can do is to sabotage yourself of wonder and strong connections simply because you believe in one thing and one thing only, because people who are different are bad, and because new ideas are wrong.

Four, know that you won’t always be pretty, remember that beauty comes internally and as a human good days come and they go, just as we can count on the sun to return in the morning after it has set for the night. Accidents happen and when they do, we only need to get up, brush off the dirt, and move forward. Our scars will heal, and we will become stronger from our ordeals.

If we were all planets,

You would be the sun,

And I would be Mercury.

Cycling around you 360 degrees,

Eager to exemplify my

Dedication to your gravity.

I would say one thousand good mornings,

And one thousand good nights,

In the time it takes the earth to make,

One full rotation around your flame.

But,

We are not all planets.

And you are not the sun.

I am not Mercury.

And I cannot tell you

One thousand good mornings,

And one thousand good nights,

In the time it takes earth to make

One full trip around the sun

With a gravity, we are too small to even notice

But,

If we were all planets

You would be the sun.

It was a calm, quiet day,

However, the tribe knew

It was one of their last.

It was the last sunrise they watched,

Before their tribe was pillaged.

The last time they would smile and laugh together,

Before they were ***** and slaughtered.

Peace was far from an option with the white man.

They pleaded and fought for the right to exist,

But it was not enough.

Now they must fight like the white men.

They must take up the ways of torture done to them,

In efforts to end the raids, the pillaging, the ******.

They fought for their families, their freedom.

Their children, their culture. They fought for love,

And honor and peace. They were denied all of these things.

This man losing his family fights for them.

He gives his life in the hope others can live on.

His horse bound to him and weak,

He witnesses friends die,

And soon he himself will perish,

In the name of progress.

Chief Crazy Horse fought for his people.

He fought for the land that had been stolen from him,

The wildlife killed simply so that they could not have it,

And for accessory.

He explained how they didn't want or need their civilization,

That their great spirit intended them to live by the hunt.

They wished to live as their fathers before them lived,

To make the most out of life

To live and love.

To hunt and gather.

To create and build.

Crazy Horse now stands above the blood-stained land.

His words fall on ears that are glued to the sound of money,

He in unrewarded for his honor and left without a home.

He can only hope the white man will change their ways,

That they might hear his people cry, and they cry too.

My vicious love acts out of fear
My vicious love acts out of pain
My vicious love seeks to be loved back
My vicious love is scared of the unknown
My vicious love is hurt and does what it can to protect me from more hurt
My vicious love causes me to become too involved too fast
My vicious love calls on my past to remind me why I love this way
My vicious love causes me to be lonely when I’m with the person I love
My vicious love causes me to cry over things that really don’t matter
My vicious love makes me worried all of the time
My vicious love makes me too prideful and act out of my lack of self confidence
My vicious love will ruin you too
So run before my vicious love loves you

I want you to love me
The way that you loved me
When we first met
I want you to be as interested in me
The way you were when you were chasing me
I want you to see me the way you did when you
Would call me beautiful
I want you to walk me to class the way you used to
And the way that you'd walk all the way over
Just to walk me back
I want us to be together in the way we used
To be together

I hope I met your needs.
I hope my smile was the right medicine,
Given to you at the right time.
I hope that I was the first thing,
That came to your mind when you thought about home.
I hope that it relieved you to wake up
And see my eyes absorbing you,
Or the smell of my hair from my shower.
I hope you could feel the love I have for you
In every touch.
I hope you could hear my voice
When you needed to be reminded of who you are
I hope that I'm the one you call
If you ever have any reason to
I hope that I was the help you needed,
Whenever you need it.
Because that is all I have ever wanted to be.
I hope you think about me
When you need a reason to smile.
I hope I was the hug to heal all the pain you felt.
I hope one day we will make it work.
I hope that one day we won't be falling apart.

I guess our love is a different kind of love.
Not a bad kind of love.
Just a different love.
We love each other but we don't always understand
One another.
I searched for reasons to be mad
Because I couldn't tell you the underlying problem.
Two different people with different expectations.
Not to say it's not ok to be two different people.
We were just too different.
I saw myself with you in the future.
You were fitted in a striking police uniform
And a warm smile overcoming your face.
We were getting ready for bed preparing for the next time
We wake together.
We chuckle softly,
As if a silly spoken word penetrated our force fields
And we were defenseless to one another.
Pulling one another close and
Holding on to every ending of every minute
In fear that it will be the last.
And we will be alone again.

I constantly overthink in fear
That I am always missing something
Missing something important
Or silly
I am so scared to be missing a key piece
Of information
And be made a fool of
By myself
For not thinking hard enough on it

That is why
I cannot simply stop overthinking
Everything there is to
Overthink

Yesterday I told my eight-year-old niece
To be a flower
If someone knocks you down
Grow back stronger
If someone calls you ugly
Call them beautiful
As you shine in your own
Beauty and self-worth
You will continue to bloom
And you may help them grow
I told her to smile at those who taunt her
They will be defeated by your bright eyes
Just always remember to be nice
Because nice is what everyone is looking for
When they aren't pretending anymore

I don't feel any sadness in this goodbye
There is no weight to my worries
Tomorrow I leave for college
Yet I feel the same as I ever did
I could leave in silence
Not a word needing to be spoken
Though I will leave with I love you's
And thank you's
Because it's the right thing to do
Mom, Dad, I'm leaving you
I do not plan on returning often
It's time for me to become a new
And learn my place

I do not have pockets full of sunshine
To counter the rain and thunder you throw at me
I do not have a place to hide when you summon
The tears from a dark place I tried to keep hidden
Emotionless was the shell you spoke to me with
When I spoke of my sadness you responded
With okay
Leaving me with the puddles of pain
And the headache of heartbreak
As I remind myself I allowed myself
To let you make a fool of the love I have for you

Gone with destruction,
Is the worst kind of gone.
Its a gone that never comes back,
Gone is the home I ran to when
Home wasn't home.
Gone is the place I cried my hardest,
And learned the best.
Visions of my childhood fall
With every tree you cut,
With every natural beauty you turned into profit,
My untouchable world ***** by you and your
Machines of metal
Never asking the kids in the neighborhood,
(I which you are considered an intruder to),
What the woods across the street meant to them
What they meant
Every tree and woodland sound found my company.
Providing me with wholesomeness, as I knew
When I was there, I wasn't alone.
Knowing no one could find me and hurt me
As I was being cradled by the natural curve in the branch
Of a large oak
A friend you chopped at the ankles
And gave a price tag.
As if my security and state of mine could be bought.
You stuffed fallen trees into magnificently formed
Streams that now only trickle.
As I walk into the woods
That I once knew as my wonderland
I only see an unfamiliar land,
Almost as bare and naked as I feel standing in it.
And I cry quietly.

Brother
I will call the cops
I care not to let you continue your game
They should have named you manipulation
At that you are a king
You yourself are collateral damage
I wish you would go back to prison
You are a monster with a game board
Everyone is a piece and everyone has their roles
Everyone must comply and ignore your piggish
Tendencies
But no longer, not me
I will not continue to simply offer my shoulder to the girl
You come home to
But won't call girlfriend because you'er not ready for commitment
While you only seek the freedom of ******* every girl who throws themselves
At you
You ugly beast who puts on an act like none other
Should have joined the theater
But you have never really had a pretty face
Brother
A disgrace I wish I could displace
And send away back behind bars
So you could keep your **** to yourself and stop hurting the girl
I now call friend
You are apart of no trend
And your lies
They will not end
So leave
If you are your own man
At age 28
Act like it
Pay your own bills
Get your own job
And *******

I feel less kind
I care but I can't show it
Because I am angry all the time
This anger isolates
As I close my gates
I have been trying to reach out
But you just play that song
"I still wanna break your heart and make you cry"
You don't know why
And I don't know why I want so badly
To be held
I want to be your protector
But will you be mine
I want to be your lover
But will you love me
I want to hold your hand
But will you hold mine
I'm not into this whole love scene
But I have given you the stage
Because you mean something
To me
Please don't go on to steal the show
Don't break the pieces of my heart that
I have given you
Just to make a point
Please just hold me in a hug
So I will no longer be an island lost
Beneath the sea

I won't feel like this tomorrow
I'll be happier
I won't feel this empty sting when I wake up in the morning
I will just feel tired
But in another week or so
Maybe in just a few days
It will be back
And I will have to hide away
Like dreams you can't remember
There is no record of my pain
except in my journals
But they to will never be found

I want to go back
In time
To a time
Where it didn't matter
How different we were
When you invented ways
To build forts and I climbed the tree
Back when we talked about
Country songs and barbie dolls
Back when you liked to cook
And I liked to run
When we schemed all the time
And slept over each others houses
When you didn't care about being cool
When the only person you were was yourself
When you had dreams and we called each other
Sisters
When did vaping and drugs become more fun
When did you start to believe who you were wasn't
Good enough
I always thought you were
When did you start to believe that I didn't care
Well
After years of this *******
I am handing you my letter of resignation
I will no longer be waiting with my shoulder to cry on
I will no longer be the girl you shove to the outside
I am picking my place
I no longer wish to call you my sister
And I no longer care for the **** you do
You go have *** with everyone you want
Because it makes you feel pretty
Go party and get drunk
I will never hold your hair back
And I will never lift you out of this despair
I am only now caring about me

When do you realize
You are all alone
When you have to keep your distance
From your friends
When you have to smile even though
You want to throw a fit and yell
And scream
When you put distance between
Everyone else and yourself
To protect everything you are
Everything I am
I now realize
That I am alone

Like a dam my pride holds back my tears
Until the pressure builds
And I am forced to cry
My pride is not strong enough
To hold back my feelings

They don't mean to throw me in the middle
But they do
They don't mean to lie
But they do
They don't mean to be dysfunctional
But they are
They don't mean to say such nasty things
But they do
My parents love me
They do
They want me to be happy
They do
However,
I need them both to at least work together
If they won't be together
I need them to talk to each other
But they won't
I need them to work out their problems
But they refuse
Like two kids in high school
They use me to communicate too each other
Often criticizing one another
Acting as if I couldn't possibly understand
But I do
I act dumb so I can imagine a world where I am happy
I am lucky
I have a family
If only they knew they were family
And kindness became our currency
For now, all that remains is the vacancy
Of a family who loves too much
And loves too little

My mind goes unguided
It follows my heart blindly
Accepting the consequences later
My body, when I allow it
Will follow my heart as well
When it does
I come face to face with a potential
That hides below my surface
Mostly going untouched
As it watches me go about passionately
But lacking
As if I were a puzzle whose pieces
Became an afternoon snack to a begging
Dog
Or lost to the unknown just beneath the furniture
And when found, thrown away
Because who knows where it goes?
My heart doesn’t speak to me
It just acts
It aches over nearly everything
From this I only find anger
The messages sent to my brain
Are in a foreign language
I haven’t been taught to decipher
I listen to waterfalls
And watch trees dance
And hills roll
I developed this feeling
From somewhere deep
In my rabbit hole
I sense all of my emotions
But I cannot locate where they are
Nor what decisions they are making

I was an artist when I was four
I created masterpieces with ease and intent
From applying a slime greenish yellow paint
To my fathers jacket by hand
To painting my face with macaroni
With the use of a spoon
I was an artist who loved messes
Our house was always part loving
Part disaster zone
Hurricane Walker constantly turns over everything
Books end up in your underwear drawer
Marbles cover the floor and hide in dark corners
Important papers make it to the trash
While papers with a lack of importance
Wreak havoc  upon table tops and counters.
My bed room was lost to the clothes I can't
Stand to fold and put away neatly
I myself lost in the mess of writing on my walls

I don't know how to understand my thoughts
So maybe if I write them in a funny way
They may start to make sense
Maybe they will paint a crooked picture
At least its a picture
I just need something to comprehend
I must make a list
I don't have the time to keep track of all my thoughts
Nor the memory span to remember to think
Of a thought I thought I would think of later
And the moments past
I don't know what I was going to think of next
I need a thought calendar
Because this will waste me away to nothingness
And I will become nothing
In a matter of seconds
See I'm already nothing
When you look at me
You are seeing an empty shell
Hollow like words you say
I lack meaning
I lack purpose
I think of all the things
I could be
And I'm best at being nobody
I'm best at not existing
I wish that were an option
I'm not happy
I don't know how to be
It's making me crazy
I thought I was starting to fit into peoples puzzles
But they were just bending me
Till I was no longer meant to create a bigger picture

This demon I have put to rest
Has left me feeling new
I feel like my burden has lifted
But I'm left feeling blue
This demon has been my best friend
For years and years
A friend that has pushed me and broke me
And fixed me and healed me
Brought me down from insanity
Taught me how to manage my determination
I have learned to control my sanity
And use my passion
It has helped me to grow
And helped me to teach
This friend has connected me with new friends
Its given me the opportunity to be coached
By the best coaches
I have broken our friendship
It's time to see how my heart does on its own
It's time to make a new best friend and learn
What else there is to be learned
The only person I'm changing is myself
And myself needs the change
I am no longer in love with my demon
That's been hard to admit
As time goes on we may rekindle
Our childhood feelings
But for now, I feel as the fire is choked out
And the smoke is too much for me
I will come back eventually

I'm only 17
I feel more like 70
Ready to make my bed
For the final time
Just like every other time
I want to see so much
With no means to see it all
I want to get to the good parts of life
Right now seems so folded up
So much to worry about
Too much to get done
I always put my heart first no matter what
My heart says soccer and track
Work come second
That needs to change
I need to make money to pay for the things
That get me to where I need to be
Time makes this so hard
Summer is almost over again
I don't know how
But it is
In a week
I will be straining my body
Hoping my lungs won't fail me
There is no knowing how much they can take
Before I'm in danger of an asthma attack
I wish I were past this
I'm ready to be put to rest
I want to say I've gone through life
And made it to death
But everyone can say that in the end
I feel all sorts of crazy
All I want to do is push on
But I feel like I'm blinded
I feel alone
Because I'm alone with my thoughts
That can not translate into words so I feel
Absolutely lost.

The rain felt beautiful.
The grass stuck to my body itched
But I secretly miss that feeling
On any sunny day
I feel meaning in the way the field slants
Its always done that
The white paint has faded away
I love it when it stains my fingertips
Every shot leaves a tail of water
And the rippling sound of the ball sliding down the net
The way that the rain falls on me
Feels beautiful
Literally washing away my worries
As I never feel truly tired
As if every drop was distracting me
From my physical state
This makes me feel strong

My head is so loud lately
I've been so distracted by nothingness
That I can't think about loveliness
Is it so shameful that I ask for a kiss
I don't care for the things you say I symbolize
Because everyone grows up
Like trees up is the only direction
Unless you die
Then you fall and become apart of the earth
I wanna spend my time looking at colleges
But I'm scared to keep growing
Because no matter how big I get
The world will always be too big for me
Maybe I will make a mistake
Pick something I don't really love
But find out too late
I wanna join the military
But I don't want to sacrifice something
I have never known
I want to explore the world
But how can I when I can't
Pay off soccer bills
I want to be the advocate for myself
I want to be paid for my worth
At least minimum wage
I want to be pushed past my physical
Limit everyday
That way everyday I know
That the day after I be stronger than I
Ever was
I wish I could sort this out
I wish I could hear my thoughts

Exhale
Release all that you can't control
Inhale
Take in the beauty
Exhale
Everything weighing you down
It's hard to swim with rocks
In your lungs
It hard to keep your head above water
When your thoughts are so dense
You cannot be apart of the world
That you carry on your shoulders
Though you may be strong enough
To hold the Earth high
Sarah Kay explains
"Your hands will always be too small
To catch all the pain you want to heal"
So take a step back
Away from your solution
That is not where the answer lies
I can't save people I've never met
As long as you keep acting as this
Stranger I can't save you
As long as you keep on not wanting to
Be saved
I can't help you
I will not restrain you
Or lock you in chains
I will only give you a better option
Its up to you to listen and follow me

This is it
I understand now
Its conformity
I'm conforming
Emptiness is filling me
Because I'm forming to the con
I'm doing the con of forming
For what reason am I throwing
Away all that's unique about me
Is it that I no longer realize
The importance of the things
That make me unique
Is it because its easier than trying
To fight the conformist
Than to hold on to my beliefs
And my values
Ctrl z
Undo what's been done to me
Undo this doing that's been
Welcomed in by me
I wish to no longer behold the curse
Of conformity
For this I will look to
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I'll look to Henry Davis Thereou
And their transindentalist beliefs
This is how I will make myself
Free

Don't think That Im just some sad story
Sitting in the second seat
From the front of the bus
Im not a tortured artist
Expelling beauty from my mind
Or in graceful actions
That is a life style I wasn't destined for
Greatness is something I strive for
I have goals
However sometimes
I convince myself how impossible
They are to accomplish
When I get ****** into this
Tornado madness
I lock into my safe house
In that safe house
Is memories of me
Breaking through all the goals I set
Achieving the things most people
Thought I could and would never do
I stop the storm from tearing apart my hopes
And from destroying my dreams
I find a drop of faith
I use it to water my tree
That tree grows and grows
It blossoms
It becomes what others thought it would never be
It was called a ****
It became the tallest tree that the world
Has ever seen
Never forgetting its roots

I just planned on quitting
I readied myself to give up
I thought about killing myself
I was ready 
With each step climbing down the tree
I begged to slip
Or a branch to break
Stepping on all the thin and dead ones
But non broke
So I climbed it again and jumped 
I thought I was dead
I wanted to be dead
I didn’t feel anything
Not even cold
I think I was asleep because it was getting
Dark when I awoke
I left in the a.m.
I wasn’t dead
It wasn’t my time to die
Other wise I would be
I couldn’t get up for awhile
My back sore with little sticks stuck in me
My head started to pound
I couldn’t keep my eyes open
Sound started to come back
But all I could hear was the soft water
The world maintaining its grace
During my act of ungracefulness
My hands looked bleached
I couldn’t feel
I got to my feet
Started my walk home
Recollected what I had done
What happened
And laughed
Its not my time to die
So Im no longer quitting
I don’t wish to give up
And Ive got to make up a hella good story
When I walk through the door
I know it would ****
If I were honest
So I will speak only of my
Clumsiness
That always works

Turn your face to me
These are things
You can't say over the phone
You can't comprehend my courage
Through a text
I refuse to say this while looking away
Because every word I say
Are things my heart wants you to know
Are true
We met like two movie characters do
All it took was you to feel confident
Where would we be
If you never called me pretty
If I chose not to dance
Or you didn't like the way I danced
Cliché's are beautiful when you mean them
So know your words are beautiful if you mean them
You have made these monsters
That I have been fighting
Disperse and become oblivion
Things that scare me
Don't seem so scary
I trust you to make these fears
Apart of my history
And die with the past
My thinking is over thought
But I think the world of you
And all your idiosyncrasy's
Because their something phenomenal
And perpetual
Hypnotizing and promising
Tackling life with you
Sounds like a good plan to me
If your in we can really feel free
That is what you and you alone
Mean to me
So when I hold your hand
Give you a hug
Im doing it to express
The feelings my heart feels
When I neglect to do these its not because
I don't feel those things
I just need to think
Clear and clean my thoughts
So my feelings are not contaminated
With negative ones
You are radical and I have become
Your biggest fan

I wish I had a type writer
Or scribe in my head
Something to document all the thinks
I thought
I mean all the thoughts I think
So I would never have to remember
A think that once was thought
So many things I wish I could say
With no way to organize them
I need filing cabinets for each thought
I ever think
With the click of a search button
I will visualize my thoughts and feelings
Checking over for spelling mistakes
Making sure everything is the way its suppose to be
I wish I had a type writer
Or scribe in my brain
To keep track of all the silly things
That I think I thought
So when Im old, lonesome, and
Half the soul I am today
I will have those documents
To keep me full

Driving by the same rolling hills
Everyday I wonder what’s on
The other side
Are there just more hills
Or is there something hiding
That’s how I feel about tomorrow’s
Their like rolling hills
You don’t see the end of
Until you get there

Writing someone a poem
Isn’t just telling them how you feel
Writing them a poem
Is giving them your feelings
To inspect and admire
To comprehend what’s going on
In your head when you look at them
Your not simly sharing
What’s on your mind
Your sharing the things
Your heart sees and
The things your brain is trying to process
Writing a poem for someone
Isn’t just a little thing
It’s a big thing
Because it’s taking the time
To decipher the messages your
Heart beat sends out
And put it into words
Sometime this isn’t always possible
Sometimes there are no words that
Describe your feelings
That is beautiful
Don’t get frustrated
Writing a poem for someone
Really special is hard
Your not only giving them the keys
To all the doors you keep
But your trusting they will value
What they find when they open
Your doors
So when I write you a poem
It’s not something from the bottom
Of my heart
It’s something that tingles
In my finger tips
Something that dances in my belly
And makes it hard to breathe
Poetry is not always accepted
But it’s always a beautiful language
That comes from the things that make you
Tick
The desire to confess the things within
That explain the things you do
Is a beauty that can never be stolen
From you

I’m tired of closing myself off to the world
I’m tired of saying bye before I’ve
Even said hi
I’m tired of shaking hands with people I’ll never make eye contact with again
So welcome in
If you like
I would like you to be apart of my life
It may not be an amusement park
But I’m a big clown for you to laugh at
When you need to laugh
It rains and it snows here
But not all the time
Welcome, this is my life
So predictable but I’ll always take you by surprise
I’m a contradiction within a contradiction
You don’t have to figure me out
I’m not a math problem
And my value does not need to be found
I’m not a poem
I don’t rhyme or fit right
Don’t use metaphors to describe me
Because a metaphor can’t explain me
So welcome to my life
Watch your step
And always be kind
My doors are open for a short amount of time
The only problem you will face is how to keep them open
When I’m ready for closing

I enjoy the rising sun
No matter what time it’s at
I enjoy the early morning noises
That make images in my head
Dance
I love the smooth glide of the boat
On the water
Watching the fish break the surface
All around you
The faint sound of your grandmother
Yelling breakfast!
Allowing you enough time
To hook up your pole
And slowly
Row row row yourself back to camp
Where scrambled eggs home fries
And English muffins await you
Once your meal has been enjoyed
You are left with endless options
To fill your day
Just don’t be caught sitting inside
Or playing on your cellular device
Because then you would be
Neglecting our way of camp life

Hey
I always think this when I sit
Next to you in class
But I never say anything other than
Thanks or no problem
Something you would say to a stranger
But your not a stranger
No one in this room is a stranger to me
But still I exchange no words
The girl behind me to the left
Used to play jump rope with me
Way back in elementary
Her new best friend was in my
Gymnastics class when
The coolest thing we learned to do
Was to walk across a balance beam
And not fall a skill us 6 year olds
Had down to a science
Despite our time spent together
We could never have a conversation
Together
I witnessed people growing up around me
When I already understood
When adults say you will wish you were
Younger
At 10 I already did
At 16 I know the different worlds
I have no experience in
But already understand their concepts
And I see where’d there’s meaning
Stitched between fabrics
But I will never know why these worlds
Function the way they do
Why is a humans best invention
The self destruct button
Why does it work so well
My answer
Because when all attempts at our goal
Fail we wish for not anyone to see
What our failure has made of us
So we make a fancy red button
Label it “warning, self destruct button.”
“Do not push”
Suddenly people are enchanted
By the dare
And seeing the destruction
Causes pleasure to their innmost
Desire for complete collapse
Because that looks like something
Has been accomplished

This is not easy for me to do
I never thought I could get this
Out of my head and on to the paper
These thoughts that are trapped
In my heart
Need to be set free
I don't know what kind of person I am
I was once told I have a beautiful aura
What does that mean?
I think Im and Extrovert
Though people call me an exceptional
Introvert
I think Im both
Sorry
Im good at getting side tracked
And delaying the release of my words
I am a girl
I am a girl playing in a boys soccer league
It scares me sometimes
Its what I love
With people who love it
Most of the time I don't feel like I belong
I feel like a stone amongst shells
Out of place
Looked over
Other times I feel important
I strive to be important to them
I could never express how sorry I am
For the nasty comments our team gets
When they see me step on the court or field
But I can show them that being what I am
Makes no difference
Other than giving me an obstacle to conquer
Every time anyone thinks
We will be their easy win
Because you have me on your team
I make you look weak
I apologize
I promise I will be strong
And prove every doubt wrong
Because despite my feelings
I know this is where I really belong

Life is influenced very easily
Everyday is a series of intersections
Interactions with new people
Change your course within seconds
Simply by smiling at you
My life was changed by a strangers tears
That inevitably led to the flood of mine
Just by having met someone for an hour
Led me to take new roads
Teaching me to make my own
With no signs to guide you
You seem to always be lost
Its scary
No turn feels right
When you think your lost
But whatever turn you take
May it lead you to greater things
Or worse
It was still the right choice
Sometimes you will have accidents
Thats ok because it just means your human
There will be times where we are going too fast
All you have to do is take your foot off the gas
Slow down
Even stop if you need to
There are times we run out of gas
It will be alright
Someone will have extra to carry you
To the nearest station
There are also times when our cars don't start
This is when it is ok
To say your not ok
It won't last very long
Someone will give you a jumpstart
They'll need your help
So don't lose hope
Your heart will start running again
And it will know where to go
Whether your brain knows it or not
You will never have a single set destination
Always you will keep moving
And changing directions
This is the course of our lives

Imagine
Stepping through some
Amazing portal
That takes you to some
Completely amazing place
Where you are someone completely
New
Your name stays the same
But you become invincible
A place where you are granted super
Powers like no other
Adrenaline rushing nonstop
With 4 other people against 5
And you guys are ready to face
The world
Your ready to take on any opponent
Who threatens your world
Only because you love the battle
By stepping on the court
I’m stepping through my portal
Sometimes we walk away defeated
But always walk away champions
The game of futsal

Oh so you know me
All because I told you I
Was an open book
Sorry pal
You don’t know me
You haven’t yet read me
You can’t skip pages
Because I don’t make sense
Ever so skipping is like
Never reading me
You don’t know me
Because I have no ending yet
If you can’t start and continue
Put me on the shelf
Never take a second look
Because when you let me open
I will read in to you
I will read the words written
In your eyes
I’ll connect  with you
I will discover your habits
And listen to what your body posture
Tells me
I may not have the best introduction
But my story is not meant to be
Perfunctory
It is no routine
It’s everything about me and the people
Who formed me
So come open me up
Come and read my lonely pages

As I ran toward the dark
It was nothing but a void
As I entered I could see
Like I was granted with night vision
Objects took form
I saw there were no monsters
It wasn’t so scary
As my time drew to an end  
I reentered the light
And saw everyone was wearing mask
Scary mask
With words across the forehead
Like
Selfish
Greedy
Arrogent
And more
I hurried home to find my family
To see what became of their faces
The house looked normal
Though the air felt heavy
I entered into my house of 12 years
Instantly wanting to retreat
First entering my room
Finding my brothers
Flat on their backs on the floor
Sleeping
Trying to remove the mask to look at them
I couldn’t pull them off
The evil smiles mocked me
As if I were hoping to see the person I thought I knew
The way I knew them
They were not who they appeared
Their faces masked what really lie inside
I looked to my mirror
What I saw was who I really was
This side of me that now cover my face
Is who I really am
The word across my forehead
Stabbed my heart and forced against all of my morals
This word read....
Overcritical

The reason I’m so determined
Is because I want to reach that
Point in life where I love myself for being
Strong and beautiful and
Persistent and relentless and
Passionate and determined
I want to be the happiest version of me and you don’t get there by never doing
I look in the mirror meanly
I angrily tell myself I’m  fat
So I would start doing push-ups
Burpees and planks and crunches
Even when I was too tired
To keep my eyes open
Waking up on the floor
To my abs and legs and arms feeling so sore and hungry
I remember runs at 1:00 in the morning
Because I was board
I remember how slow each mile passed
But how fast time went by
By 2:30 I ran/walked 15 miles
But it wasn’t me moving my legs
I just ran
Lost whatever food was in my stomach
My body shook and itched
I couldn’t calm my asthma down
And then all at once
Air rushed into my lungs
And I just laid in the grass
I wasn’t shaking any more
I didn’t itch
And all was quite
I was determined

The sky is grey
But sun still blinding
It was snowing and cold
It’s that time of year again
I Feel like it’s always winter
I miss out on spring summer
And fall
Like the fast forward button is
Put into action and I’m cold again
I thought I liked it this way
Since when did it start to scare me away
Could it have been only yesterday
I would run through the white
As if there were no such thing as
Frost bite and just live
Since when did snowmen
Become pointless
When did snowball fights
Become boring
When did playing in the snow lose it’s ring
I’ve always loved New England
But now I’m ready to leave
To follow the warmth when it gets cold
And to follow the cold when it gets warm
But the cold dark nights are always
Within me
That’s just my nature
Winter is my personality
I am always stuck within this winter storm

This year ******!
Nothing good came of 2017
That’s what their saying
And it’s said with every passing year
Yes bad things happened
Worlds were built to collapse
And be built again
Not abandoned and left to rot
Think of everything your
Ending the year with
Like walking into an arcade
Experiencing all the different obstacles
To get each prize your starting 2018 with
Maybe you fought
But you were taught
A lot
You will continue to learn
Even when you refuse to accept
You will and have made friends
That walk with you
Hand in had
For better or for worse
2017 is just a year all it does is
Measure time
Not your life with in that amount of time
You have about 100 of them
Don’t make every year something bad
When so much good was done
In each one

Minecraft is her favorite game
One world is her life
She doesn’t play often
So when she does
It’s very important
Her world has everything
That she values in real life
Things she never had in real life
Things she hasn’t gotten to do
This world is all in the sky
With only one connection to the ground
That’s her one connection to reality
It means the world to her
That nothing happens to it
This world is never done
Adding she keeps on adding
As her life is added to every day
People mean the world to her
So they have their own monuments
And names written on signs
She is desperate to be apart of this world
She dreams of being apart of a goosebumps episode where she is ******
Into her virtual reality
She doesn’t mind the loneliness there
It’s less painful than in reality
She wants to get lost
And is afraid of being found

She got lost in so many dreams
That reality slowly killed her
She got so lost in her world
Reality couldn't remove her
Without breaking her heart
She was so lost in her mind
Reality was unable to find her
She was lost for so long
That she was truly gone