The rain felt beautiful.
The grass stuck to my body itched
But I secretly miss that feeling
On any sunny day
I feel meaning in the way the field slants
Its always done that
The white paint has faded away
I love it when it stains my fingertips
Every shot leaves a tail of water
And the rippling sound of the ball sliding down the net
The way that the rain falls on me
Feels beautiful
Literally washing away my worries
As I never feel truly tired
As if every drop was distracting me
From my physical state
This makes me feel strong

My head is so loud lately
I've been so distracted by nothingness
That I can't think about loveliness
Is it so shameful that I ask for a kiss
I don't care for the things you say I symbolize
Because everyone grows up
Like trees up is the only direction
Unless you die
Then you fall and become apart of the earth
I wanna spend my time looking at colleges
But I'm scared to keep growing
Because no matter how big I get
The world will always be too big for me
Maybe I will make a mistake
Pick something I don't really love
But find out too late
I wanna join the military
But I don't want to sacrifice something
I have never known
I want to explore the world
But how can I when I can't
Pay off soccer bills
I want to be the advocate for myself
I want to be paid for my worth
At least minimum wage
I want to be pushed past my physical
Limit everyday
That way everyday I know
That the day after I be stronger than I
Ever was
I wish I could sort this out
I wish I could hear my thoughts

Exhale
Release all that you can't control
Inhale
Take in the beauty
Exhale
Everything weighing you down
It's hard to swim with rocks
In your lungs
It hard to keep your head above water
When your thoughts are so dense
You cannot be apart of the world
That you carry on your shoulders
Though you may be strong enough
To hold the Earth high
Sarah Kay explains
"Your hands will always be too small
To catch all the pain you want to heal"
So take a step back
Away from your solution
That is not where the answer lies
I can't save people I've never met
As long as you keep acting as this
Stranger I can't save you
As long as you keep on not wanting to
Be saved
I can't help you
I will not restrain you
Or lock you in chains
I will only give you a better option
Its up to you to listen and follow me

This is it
I understand now
Its conformity
I'm conforming
Emptiness is filling me
Because I'm forming to the con
I'm doing the con of forming
For what reason am I throwing
Away all that's unique about me
Is it that I no longer realize
The importance of the things
That make me unique
Is it because its easier than trying
To fight the conformist
Than to hold on to my beliefs
And my values
Ctrl z
Undo what's been done to me
Undo this doing that's been
Welcomed in by me
I wish to no longer behold the curse
Of conformity
For this I will look to
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I'll look to Henry Davis Thereou
And their transindentalist beliefs
This is how I will make myself
Free

Don't think That Im just some sad story
Sitting in the second seat
From the front of the bus
Im not a tortured artist
Expelling beauty from my mind
Or in graceful actions
That is a life style I wasn't destined for
Greatness is something I strive for
I have goals
However sometimes
I convince myself how impossible
They are to accomplish
When I get ****** into this
Tornado madness
I lock into my safe house
In that safe house
Is memories of me
Breaking through all the goals I set
Achieving the things most people
Thought I could and would never do
I stop the storm from tearing apart my hopes
And from destroying my dreams
I find a drop of faith
I use it to water my tree
That tree grows and grows
It blossoms
It becomes what others thought it would never be
It was called a ****
It became the tallest tree that the world
Has ever seen
Never forgetting its roots

I just planned on quitting
I readied myself to give up
I thought about killing myself
I was ready 
With each step climbing down the tree
I begged to slip
Or a branch to break
Stepping on all the thin and dead ones
But non broke
So I climbed it again and jumped 
I thought I was dead
I wanted to be dead
I didn’t feel anything
Not even cold
I think I was asleep because it was getting
Dark when I awoke
I left in the a.m.
I wasn’t dead
It wasn’t my time to die
Other wise I would be
I couldn’t get up for awhile
My back sore with little sticks stuck in me
My head started to pound
I couldn’t keep my eyes open
Sound started to come back
But all I could hear was the soft water
The world maintaining its grace
During my act of ungracefulness
My hands looked bleached
I couldn’t feel
I got to my feet
Started my walk home
Recollected what I had done
What happened
And laughed
Its not my time to die
So Im no longer quitting
I don’t wish to give up
And Ive got to make up a hella good story
When I walk through the door
I know it would ****
If I were honest
So I will speak only of my
Clumsiness
That always works

Turn your face to me
These are things
You can't say over the phone
You can't comprehend my courage
Through a text
I refuse to say this while looking away
Because every word I say
Are things my heart wants you to know
Are true
We met like two movie characters do
All it took was you to feel confident
Where would we be
If you never called me pretty
If I chose not to dance
Or you didn't like the way I danced
Cliché's are beautiful when you mean them
So know your words are beautiful if you mean them
You have made these monsters
That I have been fighting
Disperse and become oblivion
Things that scare me
Don't seem so scary
I trust you to make these fears
Apart of my history
And die with the past
My thinking is over thought
But I think the world of you
And all your idiosyncrasy's
Because their something phenomenal
And perpetual
Hypnotizing and promising
Tackling life with you
Sounds like a good plan to me
If your in we can really feel free
That is what you and you alone
Mean to me
So when I hold your hand
Give you a hug
Im doing it to express
The feelings my heart feels
When I neglect to do these its not because
I don't feel those things
I just need to think
Clear and clean my thoughts
So my feelings are not contaminated
With negative ones
You are radical and I have become
Your biggest fan