Pendragon

Pendragon Aug 2013

Mania

Mania is a funny thing.
When you you're up,
you're up.
Way way up.
Everything is funny,
and everything's ok.
So much to think,
do and to say.
So little time to do it all in.
I'm up,
I'm up
I'm very very up.
I can't stop.
I can't get my thinks out any faster.
I need more hands
to perhaps
write faster.
I'm up,
I'm up,
I'm very very up.
The faster I write
the faster they come.
I can No longer read my own writing.
And time is moving slower.
I apologize that my writing is a bit all over

Pendragon Aug 2013

Writers block

Nothing to write not a phrase in my soul.
This wicked wall comes an keeps inside,
everything untold, try as I might
I can't  bring it down.
It blocks every creative outlet till I have nothing left.
My thought are held captive
behind its bold bricks,
  stopping my pen from doing its tricks.
nothing is strong enough to bring its walls down.
I must just sit out side and wait till they
come tumbling
D
  O
     W
          N
Releasing everything pent up inside.
everything comes out in a stampede.
It must all be written about as it flows out.
My pen can't seem to keep up.

This is straight out of my mind no edits just as it came out

Pendragon Aug 2013

My addiction

I can almost feel that cold blade
digging in to my skin.
The cool tingle before the sharp sting.
The release of endorphins makes me slightly dizzy.
The bright red blood trickles down my pale arm.
Such a beautiful color contrast.
Why stop at just one?
The thought of these wonderful sights and feelings cause a visible shiver to run down my spine.
I simply can't wait to be alone so I can make these things appear on my arms.
Fantasizing about this is no longer enough.
It's finally time to give in to this addiction.

Pendragon Aug 2013

Untitled

Ever look down and not like a ******* thing you see?
Then having your feelings confirmed by everyone you meet
The words come out and cut like a knife. Leaving scars on your soul for the rest of your life.
Every time you start to feel a little better those voices come back to life.
Screaming louder than ever before.

This isn't finished I just hit a wall with it

Pendragon Aug 2013

Words summon demons

Ana has been my best friend,
For around 9 years.
I finally started taking steps
Toward recovery.
Until you opened your mouth,
And made some stupid comment
On my weight.
That one small sentence,
Summoned a legion of
Demons.
Each word sticking in my head.
The voices get louder,
With every word.
Until, that is all I hear.
You're fat, ugly, unworthy
I thought I had gotten past this.
I thought Ana finally
Decided to let me go.
But with your unkind words,
Brought my unwelcome
Best friend back.
She screams high above even the loudest
Sounds.
She said She will never again
Leave me.
Now, next time maybe you should,
*think before you speak.
Your words bring legions of demons.
Yea, I really am that weak.

Pendragon Aug 2013

Gracie

Little girl I seem you in my dreams,
You came on a monthly basis.
I got to know you  but,
Cannot  recall at thing you said,
You would stay with me all  night
And I would sit in your heavenly light.
I knew then you were an angel,
I always thought you would be
My future daughter.
Until 3 years ago
Once a month you would come.
An the month before you left
You came once a week,
At the very least.
When you left I was lost.
And until 3 weeks ago,
I couldn't figure out where you had gone.
Then you and your mommy,
Came into the church.
I was awestruck,
Dumbfounded,
Blown away,
I met my my angel on that day.
It blew everyone's  mind
That we instantly
Connected.
People had said it was amazing,
They were
Awestruck,
Dumbfounded,
Blown away,
That little Gracie
Took instantly to me,
Begging to be picked up and carried around.
In your 3 years of life,
Never had you taken to anyone like that.

This is really ****** but I had to get it out of my head

Pendragon Aug 2013

22nd brlirthday eve.

On the eve of my 22nd birthday,
My wish is to succeed.
For tonight while
Everyone else sleeps,
I will be following through
With long thought out plans.

Plans to be free.

So tonight before I fall,
Asleep,
I'll pile those pink and purple
Pills,
In my hand.

A big gulp of red Gatorade,
To wash them down.
I'll pull out my shiny, green,
And brown scalpel.
The one I have been saving.

To set me free.

I'll drag that blade straight down my arms.
As I start feeling,
A bit dizzy from all my pills.

Tonight on my 22nd
Birthday eve,
I will finally be set free.