I actually believe that,
This time I may have gone
Too deep.

I can't make it stop.
Red, red every where.

Feeling weak, I can no longer speak.
I fall to the floor.
The crash sounds quiet,
And that is strange.
The ringing in my ears is getting louder.

The once bright light is dimmer now.
I feel a bit colder now.
The iron smell is kinda strong.
I winkle my nose, I don't like that smell.

Then finally It fades to black,
This truly was my final act.

I try so hard to make everyone happy.
No one seems to notice that something is
horribly wrong.

I have lost all interest in everything I loved.
Tiny red marks have started to grow,
a little deeper,
           a little longer,
a little wider.

I sleep all the time,
but you best believe I'll say,
I'm just fine.

Its coming closer, I know I'm ready.
Just give me a few minutes to collect my composure.

I'll need a steady hand, to make sure this goes just right.

Pop the cap,
grab the blade, and
the rope.

Just relax, I totally got this.

I can feel it coming,
My end is near.
There are no ups left for me.
This downward spiral I have been on,
is only proof I cannot go on.

I am ready to sleep forever,
its not much different than what I do now.

I cannot take one more person letting me down.

Painfully shy, I can't look anyone in the eye.
I hear my name and I turn bright red.
Why must I be so painfully shy.

I hide my face whenever I can,
hoping nobody sees me so I don't
have to speak.
The lengths I have gone to hide from people
is actually quite frightening.
I can feel my throat start to tighten,
anytime I have to speak.
I don't care if i've known you for
100 years.
I'm so PAINFULLY SHY.

I hide who I am whenever I can.
How can I expect you to like me,
if I hate myself too.

I develop many personalities,
just to hide who I am.

I have talked to many people,
none of which know who I am.
It seems as though it is better that way.

I count every calorie,
I just want to be small.
In recovery for 3 years,
gained a lot.

My demons started screaming,
look at how big you have gotten.
Are you stupid? 130 lbs.
look at your hips you look disgusting.

No amount of yelling back could shut them up.
Went to the store and bought some pills.
Stopped eating in that moment.
Slowly started losing the weight.

The screaming refused to stop,
You're still fat, fix it.
More and more pills,
less and less food.

52 hours and all I've had is water and pills.

I know he hurt me, and I know
he may do it again.
The possibility is real.
But I don't care,
he was the only one who,
I let break my heart.

I fell so hard, and so fast.
When he left my world fell apart.

I have a chance to have him back.
What's life without a little risk.
He's the only boy I have ever loved.

He could be my one.
Please understand that.
I need to live my life.