i.

you wore a summer high school shirt,
with your arm poured at my skin like milk;
back then cereals were all i could long for.

i hoped for some electricity,
but the night was too strong to be lit;
mildly frustrated light turned into heat.

darkness had become a nice home,
where all the weirdness collided
like cotton candy and a starstruck heart.

you spoke, as the sky fell,
with your lips swollen like honey;
that was the time i found moonlight.

(Legs and legs and legs)
      I carry my thighs like I am the capital city of the family
      Once in a while I stumble, I can't break just so no one collapses
(Legs and legs and legs)
      I wear my knees like I've never prayed before
      Awkward yet soft, I stand in an athlete's manner
(Legs and legs and legs)
      Calves cold as marble pillars, my body is a church
      Sinners climbing my legs, I guide them into the light
(Legs and legs and legs)
      Just which feet was I given?
      Just which door did I open?

my entrail doesn't speak
she's the quietest in my body
some say i'm just too shy
some didn't know what was just happening

my stomach sharp and confused
when i ******* own i taste sour
some say i'm just a little bit ill
some doesn't know what has been happening

when i'm weak i can buy junk food all i want
i can walk in the streets and face the boys in the stalls
still, my entrail doesn't speak
she's the quietest in my body

so forget the sweat, forget the spit
i'm saving my eyes for the street
i'm harming my earth for my heart
i feel the most calm when i drive fast

my eyes become a black hole as i speed
i swallow traffic accidents like religious scientist
across my window a drive thru fast-food restaurant
my entrail doesn't speak

she's the quietest in my body
my eyes become a black hole as i speed
to a secret cult i must be guided
i swallow traffic accidents like religious scientist

xiii.

Kisses, tongue and hickeys
Growing ******* pure as a saint

Curious skin, curious chirps
Sins bright as a sun

Secrets in the nights, regrets in the thighs
Can we unlearn something once it has been done?

Lips barren and unmoved
For wisdom is more valuable than rubies

Cheeks pale as a paper
Written down, your name

found
grounded bird closed in
ribboned-box and buried
underneath a willow snapped back
to finally relax
to decompose and nourish
by the lake in drooping shade
the felled leaves pile
candy wrappers gray snow in
parking lot corners
with pumpkin spice scented candles
with charred letters skirling up
the arm dropped to sizzle and puff out
white beanies
flannels
leather boots and jangly bronze-leafed wind chimes
I sit on the patio and listen to you speak
the chill of your words
perched like a squirrel barking on a fence top
hibernation preparation and breeze
the gospel of your autumn

it’s lovely.

Dear mother,

The food here *****. I starve myself one day just to binge another day. Nothing satisfies me anymore. And the noises are just too much. In my head they are enough already.

Dear mother,

Except for the food, I cannot admit that I miss home. I shan't go back there. The noises are just too much. In my head they are enough already.

Dear mother,

I want to move. I want to run away. I want to go. But I can't cut the bond. But, but please stop trying to call me. Stop trying to talk to me. Lately I haven't been able to talk. I haven't been able to see myself as a daughter, or anything. The noises are just too much. In my head they are enough already.

Dear mother,

You are the last whom I want to blame, the last whom I want to hurt. I promise. But the noises are just too much. In my head they are enough already.

Mother used to say...
Mother used to say...
Mother used to say...

Crack a ground
Stand tall, a tongue
Swallowing bridges.

Cover a face
With faces seem like TV
Channels and ******* journalism.

High notes, hoarse voice
No neck has been hurt before.
Only skin and skin and skin

She bled, didn't care
She knew all the wrong things
And all the right doings.