I want to be pure
Like the clear mirror
so clear I can see my young bones
through the weird looking tan --
I even can see my future
The youth no wise man tells
The lame middle
refuses to be named unstable
And before the time calls I would have
wrinkles, tons of wrinkles
placed on the traces of nightmares
that would never stop --

I want to be pure
Like the clear mirror
Mirror so clear I can see my future --
I can see fat blocking veins
Heart older than its age
Lungs black as Odile
Nonfunctioning kidneys and intestines;
Pores so big you can sleep in it
Nose so flat you can surf with it
Body full of moons without suns
Moon as tummy, moon as face
No longer a phase
Blind left eye, deaf left ear
Half bald head and greasy hair --
In the garden; dear hibiscus corpses
and dead green flies --
Children avoiding, screaming when
I am coming

O, the mad woman
with bad breath and obesity
The grumpy lady
loved by so many STDs

Hey
I want to be pure, purer than ever
but when I was born
when I left the ****** womb
I had passed my purest --
Can't go back, can't go back ----


Now tell me, now tell me
When I am crying, am I beautiful too?

She doesn't really want storms
It's just that she breathes dreams of storms
and what comes to her eyes,
those silly rainbows and
dead waterlilies and half-dried rivers,
makes she feel like a fat mad white rabbit
who is dancing and stamping
on you. She always knew it was you -----

Varieties of rain-clouds
Spreading like sudor glands on
her mosquito-bites covered skin
And the pores will not stop yawning
and drooling Anna Akhmatova's line
Dripping down her throat, her temples and legs; You will hear thunder and
remember me, and
think: she wanted storms.

She doesn't really want storms
It's just that she likes thunder and thinks it
as another form of sound waves her ears
used to eat a lot on Friday
and Saturday
nights.

Now it becomes faeces.
Your voice.

you were one's most favorite poem which one could never have the heart to bring to words ---

not anymore.

It is strange and I am afraid
I am afraid this is not real
I am afraid this is real

The lights so bright
I am ashamed now they see me
Skin or soul does not matter

Let it be dark
Let it be dark
So I wouldn't know what I would be killing

Be it a poisonous spider with my bare hands
Or be it my lovely goddesslike mother
Or be it the dream that never grows

Now, strip
And wither
Petals so dry they become powder

The painting-so red-flaring- it mocks me
Headless bombs
I have nothing to do with explosions

Turn off the sun it bothers me
So much
That the sun would never

Let me see its whole self
What are you hiding, sun?
Hiding is lying

to yourself
Let's say hi to the sun
I am on your back

To stab
Stab
Stab the sun it would never bleed

Because
It burns
And collapses-

What are you afraid of?

It is always the first thing
I want to ask right after the first *hi
but it is also always
the thing
I finally dare to ask
after the last
bye.

I will be dead
and become posthumously insane

and I will remember Suzanne Vega
every time I hear your name

I will take that look
of Vivienne Westwood's

and I will sing and sing and sing
and sink and sink and sink

and I will not think
of the appropriate things

Because I will be dead
and become posthumously insane

Even though long scarf does not suit this neck
and gas oven does not fit this head

and .38 caliber revolver is not
something a 17 year old girl would own

there is no need to worry
because now I know what loves me

It is not the explosion, not the oxygen
Not the carbondioxide, not the cyanide

It is the water, any kind of water
the tears, the saliva, the seawater

And I learnt from Haruki Murakami
that even a plastic bag would do

Mimicking the deepest sea
The sensation is true, is true ----

I remember; you liked a lot the word drown
You liked a lot the word drown

1/
I gave you hours
Not enough to run through veins;
So slowly absorbed-

2/
Coffee before nap
Tasted like salt o dry throat-
It is you again-

3/
I'd gulped tenderly
The you, o, bitter-salty--
Heartfelt sleepless night

4/
The dawn is coming
I can't ever erase you
I can't ever do-