My life in thoughts of future freckles.
Imperfections and hobbling over hurdles..
In thoughts of feeling ugly.
Unwanted. Uninspired is exactly.
The notions that it echoes.
In my ear
A fear. Still born.
A fear of love.
To be in love would be a high gone unnoticed.
With the contagion. Of drugs.
And the smoke from my lungs.
The random nameless mystique and freak show. Needs no follow up peep show....

So difficult to find.
Truth. When inside the waters muddy
Always prayers and thoughts.
And Hope's.
Being alone and with nobody.
Till you found me.
I'd like to say something.
I never saw it coming.
I'm a girl inside a body.
That feels manly. Unkempt and ugly.
But the world has shown me something.
That what I thought inside of me was so  ugly.
Actually turned out to be.... well....
Pretty ******* funny.....
There it is. So scarcely lit before.
I ignored my tummies rumbling....
I needed truth.
But I was using the wrong trading points as money....
Currency. Like promises... fall short
Of realizations in becoming....
I was raised as a boy...
But now I'm trying to be somebody...
My uncle has finally passed
From a cancer
Battle raged and body ******...
But heaven is a perfect place...
I'll see you there.. ten four rubber ducky... love ya unky... best ******* buddies.....

Poetic license..
Mind the terminal.
Departing. Worst sign
Is a soul that echoes silence.
Past rings truth behind it.
Misery a baggage claim
That's worth
A bitter silence...
Trying within world
Deprived of life two sick for crying...
And list with eyes so fixed on
Terms of dying...
So surely I
Emerge a tool of words of kindness..
They still cant see the me
Behind these curtains
There terms are blindness..
Is he one of the few they give this drug
Endured to curb their violence.
But mayhem molds the lies
I spin which keep it inside us.....
I'm not one of them
So fuvk the lies this time
Im honest

In which we chase love.
To have material belongings
And social status gives us value.
And for the shallow.
The envy of others is a gainful employment.
Only man in his madness would give promise to greed over
Virtue.
So many problems with the occupation of false worth.
And with social evolution comes complexities
Impossible to navigate.
We as humans are a social animal
The tribe is essentially life
And to be outsided out casted
And exiled is near death.
So buying into norms becomes
Social responsibility
Born from necessity
And to be different is a statement made only by the brave.
With conformity
comes the corruption of the spirit
Laying waste to human creativity
Inspiration and song
What if I told you
True worth was far more elusive than
A bank account and a condo in the hills.
Yet far more valuable.
It starts with not giving a ****
Like coconuts
I do not think they give two *****.
Hard as nails.
And delicious.
They got it all figured out
That was stupid but you get the point

Why do we do these things???
We think small of ourselves
We cast ominous shadows on our dreams and ambitions
And hide in fear from the chance that we will ever truly be our real selves.
We limit ourselves
With statements made out of cowardice disguised as humility.
You'll never be good enough?
You'll never be loved?
You'll never find worth?
Every day another excuse. Another lie.
Another truth whispered in the dark for only our ears to recieve it.
These thoughts
Manifest into feelings
And take truth as actions.
For good or bad it's no consequence
Now it has happened.
Some feel guilt.
When guilt is not enough to inspire change. It becomes shame.
Shame is the idea that no longer are your actions bad
But you yourself are bad.
And so this now becomes a deep seated belief.
And as time passes. Our failures compound. Reaffirming these beliefs.
Whispering in the dark with only your ears to recieve it.
The kitchen becomes a place of duty
The songs left unsung
Become dust behind a picture frame
Of a photograph where you once
Smiled with the grace of a child
And now....
Just a memory....
Your scared....
Scared of so much and yet so little...
Yeah I think your funny...
******* hilarious....
*** you show me so much love.... love you may not even show yourselves...
You hide behind an excuse...
I may not be worthy?
Who gives a ****?
To fly requires years of falling.
To fish requires dedication...
To love requires patience
And to be yourself requires honesty...
Should you be a bad *** bird who can fly catch fish. Loves bird ***** and knows himself.
Than fox homie we should chill
Ya know light a spiff.
Drink some Gatorade...
Ya know... marvin Gaye and Aretha...
But in all honesty...
The truth to human reality...
Is it is constantly evolving.
What's true one day is irrelevant the next....
A new friend may invite a world of new tastes into your life
You may have never thought to try
Tastes and song and joy.
These will bring new emotions
And soon new behaviors
And eventually new beliefs
New stories you whisper to yourself in the dark...
And with each new friend
Comes a new you...
A warped view on what you thought was possible...
So in telling you this I tell you.
I have become all your friends
I have deeply. Hilariously. And profoundly impacted nearly every human being on this planet...
And some might not like it...
Some it hurts to have outside opinions
Or have their beliefs challenged
But those who hate gunna hate
**** em like 50 cent and Mary Jane
I gotta baby by aman
I can't stand all the drama
Call the cops on me
**** a **** baby mama...
I guess what that means is you soap opera rappers sound like all my children...
Drake said it best when he said
And I quote
Steve Martin you little *****
Stop flicking my nuts....
But you know Steve Martin
That foo dont care about a **** thing...

Could have become a goof
My puberty was
Strange. Left isolated...
Could a racked up
Bodies young
But I got help
For self obsessive nature...
Could have been gay
As a teenager...
To hard to tell.
I guess it's best left up to
Guardian Angel's....
Waging wars. Within
A straight jacket
And taking brakes
To shave  failure
With their razors...
Painted black
My mental hacks
Becoming more aggressive
Quenched in
Regret getting angrier in nature...
I made friends
That seemed like gangsters
While simultaneously getting stranger...
Days of highs remaining
Blinded. To the mind
Inside of anger....
Just a trip down memory lane
What doesn't **** you
Makes you stranger

In heart. I'm so simple
I'm not complex
I believe in trust....
And it ***** me up
When people cut
Me deep enough
For blood....
I act like I'm so
Invisible
You cant see me when I blush
But my cheeks
Are always red
And my teeth
Are freezing to the touch
I believe in
Hugs
But i need drugs
More than
That sweet and healing touch
Only recieved from
People that you love...
I'm so deeply needing
Something
To free me from
This demon and his clutch
That I plead victor
In the card game
So you dont ******* see my bluff...
But you dont ******* see that stuff
A decade
Was to long. Too keep a secret
That's been
Eating at my gut..
So **** what you believe
Come and ask me
What the **** is up
With all this secret ****** up stuff