t e y
   h
all
{sp
u
er}
forgot
me today
they all did
they all always never will

ha
usually as usually usually is usual

dancing slowly to the sound of your voice in my head

but the morning comes and washes away the dreams

from the glances in the deep end of a pool of people

you appear through the crowd and smile

proceeding to walk to anyone else but I



all I ever wanted was a moment where you could come to me

to say a few words, this and that, it matters little

but I am the only one who realizes this click

                                     that is floating away slowly



all you would ever care to tell me is the basics

the airy feeling between us, the miles, the walls

***** me in once again as the strings on your heart don't pull

and lets me think of a time where I wish I knew you since forever



how could I have been so blind and so disrupted

every thought of you wrapped inside reality and dreams(that will continue for eight million years)

although at times it feels like I'm not even walking anymore



and the time flies out the window and kills itself



it's done with you and I



and on the First day God created you

to walk amongst the angels in pure bliss

to smile and light up the world

to flow between souls and make them feel rested



on the Second day God created I

the first thing I ever saw was You

and you didn't say much

but I knew it would be important



the Third day rolled around the corner and God created a picture of emotion

a flowing river of thoughts and dreams

for me to experience but not recognize for #2years

and like a child lost in a sea of people, looking for his mother, I found you once again



on the Fourth day God created a hero

someone for me to look up to and follow in His footsteps

someone I detested for a years suddenly looked like a dream-

one I wished I could become



and become I did, and glances at you still swam around me

and the more and more I smiled the better it got

and at some moment it all became clear that this is what I needed

as I became who I needed to be (moreso than anyone else but you)



and on the Fifth day God created Doubt

to crawl inside my heart and rip it apart

but it did not matter, because I still could look at you

and feel safe and warm



(but now I realize that the efforts will matter none)



on the sixth day god created a revelation

a smack you in the face cold hard truth

and in that moment I looked for my Hero

but alas, he was nowhere to be found

could I talk to him, I would find strength

but all that I could think about is talent

love slowly drifted away

and I felt like I no longer needed to care

but oh how I wish you would not disappear forever



(but within the visions, the memories, and the dreams I came to realize there would be no Whisper worth knowing-

-and I disappear within the vision:



For on the Seventh day god created another

one you knew just as well

and it could have all been a lie in the first place, but at this point I'm not forced to care

because you'll be walking with him; just like you, not giving me a chance

and I'll sit on my couch for years

anotheroneturnedintoadreamofathousandpluspeople



on the eighth and final day god finished his materpiece

and looked at his angels and said:

"What do you think?"

and they could not reply from the beauty

and he walked away from the painting



when the #8Eternity hangs on the wall of glory

I remember her as a haze of time

and drift into the ocean

and push the water into the sky

one more time

she sew me up inside of the mist
carried me up the Fibonacci
she was my first(and true) love
i remember her taste

a warm ticking embrace of heat
feed me and roll your eyes
one day one day one beautiful sun shining day

but all of this power is gone
a floor full of broken glass
i just want our friendship back

like a boy who spills his soda
a little girl who has dropped her cone
if i could i would travel back in time
tell her how much i cared
but as usual right  now i am once again alone

we burn the sun
to the sound
of war drums

Look at me,
look back
go ahead
look at me again

"say that to my face"
circular something eyes
something red about the way your lips part
makes a little
sound

something anything really
to calm my nerves
slow me down
in the good way, of course,
hey
look at me seriously
this
is seriously serious

I'm not ******* around
not anymore
never again

it's not time to be the man
you've always been forced to expect
to dream about and desire
because i will be who i want to be
i am not some stereotype
i do not wear what you expect a man to wear
i am not a manly man with a camouflaged hat but a human being like you
in complete and utter love with you
but i just need
you to see and think and dream
outside the box

conception
grace
time
waiting
beds
money
more money
spent
gone
fighting
loving
hugging
kissing
slapping
screaming
sleeping
waiting
more waiting
more fighting
broken
birth
baby
sleeping
tired
laughing
crying
all three
fighting
sleep
older
growing
crawling
talking
and walking
sleeping (all the time)
sickness
and health
more or less wealth
tired
sleep
school
friends
come back home
sleep
do it all over again
grow
again
watch
parents
fight
bite
kiss
eat
regain consciousness
remembrance
middle school
growing
girls and boys
boys and girls
attraction
satisfaction
hormones
deadly
parents fighting
parents loving
sleeping all the time
killed inside
confused
laughing
immature
maturing
High School
relationships
joking
camps and fights
realization
forget conception
grow older
become an adult through
broken
friendships
and glass
in the mind
sleeping all the time
dreams
remembrance of
reality and fiction
crescendo
music
writing
movies
books
TV
parents fighting
no longer loving
become an adult
fall out of love
and into confusion
into an ever deeper love
obsess
question
(do they?)
realize
have a good time
or not
graduate
go to college (or not)
***
***
***
***
***
or not
graduate (or not)
sleeping (all the time)
home
marriage
job
kids
work
accomplish
don't accomplish sit
sleep
fight
eat
sleep
sleeping (all the time)
no such thing
as kids or
partners
alone
realize
everyone's gone
dreams
gone
life asleep
like you
work
success or no success
you must try (just a little)
and then die

let the music explode one more time,
before the night falls into a morning
and waking up upon a nothingness

misty air goes through my hair,
a headache for a headache for a headache
what's that I see in the mirror,
is it you
is it you
what can i even
understand when
blue eyes are all around
me
not sure what color of their eyes are
blue sounds good
they surround me
i can't choose because they all don't deserve this
abysmal trash
i can't help but fall  down in the sights of the goddesses
can i be content with nothing because
i need to wait longer, and longer
but wait until my death i must
i've witnessed my loss of innocence
from above while I choke blood far away
through fake memories

the windows cold
so young, so old

so wrong, so right
let me be some sort of light before i burn out

hold me up, please
don't slap me anymore
don't attack me
with the words
what did I ever do to you?
the others can't even lay a finger on you, but
all i do is think and think and think
about nothing
nothing is nothing
i'll say it again
impress me
hold me again
lift me up so i can burn  from the sun
and let the ashes come down
let them all cry, go ahead
take me as i am
scream about something stupid
something so stupid it's smart

i didn't do anything to deserve this
i swear to God, oh Jesus come to me
i didn't do anything
it was an accident
i don't want to lose anymore
i'm done
it's finished

Bro   en Intro                                                                                                                                                               K
(Universe this in) walked ever has that
being beautiful most the into
turned you’ve years these after
and you in beauty see me lets
change your obvious yet enough is
just and happen never could it

Allusion City, Warm Embrace-Completely Cold:

a taste of warm embrace through a nothing
a mirror showing a wintering copy
of a man who once a King
or perhaps a King who was once a boy

whatever the case may be you can see
a spark throughout the ages of the Universe
would reflect a man throughout a personal sense
and by a flowing river a woman waits quietly

she walks up and greets him like a brother
yet loves him entirely
hopefully he would let her in
but fear could stop him from understanding

(how couldn’t we see this what should be)
what has become of you and I if such a wish was to be
destroyed and then it would be burned with a passion
only able to create a wasteland suburbia(lit on fire by the stars)

(i’mgoingtofloataway i’mgoingtofloatawayi’mgoingtofloataway I’mgoingtofloataway)

into the shades and mirrors you look at me
please care if I become a flower after
finally realizing that I was perfect-
perfect enough to turn the river red

the angels drink from such a river
selling me my only light to guide my way
a dream in its self a reality
a reality of sense and celebration

look how the moon turns over on its side
it lets me see it move about the sky like a shooting star
much too fast to recollect
and if I were to die I would destroy the Universe

but it’s the morning and the morning is love, my dear
let us not sit here by the blue river
wishing the days would slow down
because we know that it could never happen

and before I would ever float away I’ll smash my reflection
and mix the pieces with your Reflection in the river
and it would break down into beautiful words that come out
of the mouths of poets who read their work to crowds
because you are the echo into reality, and nature
and
I
understand
that
it could never happen and just
is enough yet obvious your change
let’s me see beauty in you and
after all these years you’ve turned
into the most beautiful being
that has ever walked (in the Universe)

there's not quite a feeling
like feeling
touching and bluffing your way through life
time is of the essence, but you have none of it
eight of work, eight of work, eight (if lucky) to sleep
repeat

life is a faulty alarm clock
it is against you and the rock
you've built your house on

I've sat in caves and wondered aimlessly
thinking of the rain and the wolves outside
they said to go up north,
**** your phone and **** your internet
drive until the road gives out and you come to a lake
so that you can bask in the glory of the Lord

The eyes of the doctor to the dying patient are beautiful
my life has been slow but fruitful
I don't need *** but I need money,
and hell, perhaps it's kind of funny
that I've been doing the same thing over and over
and over and over and over again

I don't have a car but I have a job,
I don't have a girlfriend or someone to love, but I have a job
and I can go a long time thanking someone
I don't believe in for my blessings,
the messages are gone when I sit upon my foundation
I listen to loons and the rain at five in the morning
that was a feeling I miss,
not the fishing line in the weeds,
but the time it takes to slowly lower myself
in a cage in the cool, misty
floating water

and perhaps the greatest things I've told myself
was that it is okay to die a ******,
and it is okay to let people down,
and it is okay to let yourself down,
and it is okay apologize
and it is okay to sit down and give up

maybe someone to come pick me up isn't what I need,
but I can't break my heart anymore
it has become shielded but fragile
and I'm screaming at trivial things,
wondering where I've gone all my life

and I hate being so scattered,
as if nothing has ever mattered
(and it is okay to sleep too much,
it is okay to sometimes think of you
my heart, my heart
my god, my god
where have you been)

the words are soft,
they travel far and long
to every song for every boy
and every girl in this old world,
make music for the music players,
let me burst into the scene like an
exciting extra in a ****** film,
let me die in a vain way,
sometimes I wish someone would just say
the words and I could go

I could go because I always need
people to tell me what to do

Where are you? I am so sorry

and sometimes I just wish I'd get an accident
because I can't bring myself to do it myself
so I'll try to fall asleep to a film,
dim the lights and bring on the night

remember the nightmares, remember the childhood,
remember the prayers, remember the songs
remember the radio, remember the stars,
remember the hospital, remember everything-
that doesn't matter anymore

and it is okay to die

beginnings plunged into deep water
cannot overcome such recompense
time’s reserved healing of endless slaughter  
cannot believe in such cold evidence
if i could i would i’d know this right away,
until a wave holds me and submerges
my thoughts and hands that hold onto the bay
close to whatever home this really is.
if then yelling ‘the world is too much with us’
(and if i could i would see right through you)
an abysmal submergence in the mess
(then whoever could call this ‘what i’d do’)  

whatever this is, in the end it’s something to say:
so yes, in the end, i’d wish it all away

you sent the light up to the darkness of the midnight of the world and e
very
thing was very very peaceful until i was awoke and couldn't fall back asleep to
the so
und of your voice crackling but you were not there you
we
re never there
will
you ever be there when i need you i need you answer me

tumbling over and over again

far across the valley, black and blue

time will allow me to come to you

a million miles away doesn’t seem so far

in my mind; connected dreams create a landslide



they will bring me down just to throw me back up again

remembering that everything is just a drop of rain

a feeling immersed while it hits the ground

for in the rain all I can think of is your beauty



a riddle for you and your dreams

this will let us realize we are inseparable)

can I not get so wrapped up in this beautiful mess

an image of you speaks an infinite amount of words



an image by the mind; an image of your unending secrets



a projection could never seem so real

what is this darkness that I feel

consume my every being, dark as night

these vampires; these rejections of society

bite and tear away the Time (forever)



take it all and throw it back to you

this is not ending anytime soon (inspiration has some things to say)

a semi-colon to the head, and endless night alone in bed

correct my retreatment to your projection, my dear

because with you there is nothing left to fear

red cold love(r)
trying to vanish into focus
little black spot on the scope can't see me

anywhere anytime anyplace
you can be my pretty little piece of grace
chopped off by the stars cutting the night sky
i can fall
i already have fallen

easy to look up when i continually fall
whether this choice is a good choice i just need to sit and wait
for the right time and the right place
to come into whatever this hole needs

yes a need
my hole is growing hollow
fill it up but you're connected in a dispute of fire
you're getting burned and i'm getting burned
i know it the way you're a little disconnected
not so with me not so i see it

do my eyes sparkle and are the see-through like a clean lake
can you see the bottom of me
because i don't think there is a bottom
i'll just keep falling,
and falling,
and falling
(no bottom)
and right as i hit that impossible sidewalk-

You can take me back up again like I know You will

in a time of peace and love to float
scarred the baby embraces being shook
backward forwards into the coat
we flip through pages of the book

like a sigh we're fading away
to the stars and the moon we see
time allows us to embrace May
you have meant so much more to me

than people elision the star
we are crossin' everyon' over
(to smell the smell of your pretty car
that i've never been in all sober

always i'll be here sitting You
beauty change metamorphoses
your Love your Peace we are both two
all of these i'll take all of these

hold my hand and don't let me pine away

                                            into a hundred simple breaths taken by an angel

forever I will wait as we watch the fire

                   of a thousand suns set our bodies into flames



we'd jump into the river to cast out the flames

in that river your eyes will shine brighter than those suns

and your smile will turn the night to day



                                         because there is magic in the air tonight



we'd step out of the river, and I'd dry you off

but it would rain as if it had never rained before

                                however we will still follow our glory

                                                                                                           as long as our hearts aren't a puzzle

                                                                 yet to be

                                         put together



so I won't pine away into this darkness

for you are my light

and into the sky we'll take flight

as I hold you closer than ever before

for years upon years

it will seem like eternity

but in  a blink of an eye

if you're not there



then



                                                             forgive me(I'm sorry)

Re(call)
hills likewhiteelephants
or(f

u
some[c]thing
li[k]e that)

away
away
tornado
away
pine
away
disappear
thin
thin
thinn­er
forever and always
y
o
u
know i think
you know
blown away
Hemingway
i'm blown(like you)
away

in a dreamless midnight someway
i wish i were you

as powerful as it would be perhaps
i wouldn't be able to love Me in your mantra anyway

(I)
the white light calls me from beyond
the thunder screams across the sky
                                                           (it's not raining out)
I'm right behind you hey look listen listen to me

I'm yearning for something more
and echo a dream a life a team
a team I already own whether they know it or not
(I'm tired of being viewed not as significant I am the one the only one bow down and respect me)

No- -
Taking this too slow
Bird flies through my window- -
Stop death stop

winding staircase stops suddenly
without a sound without a voice
               all of this is inside my head
                                                            ­                                     I'm here, I'm here
I do think I'm not getting the respect I deserve
loathing every practice there is
oh I work, I work for this writing words that no one really knows about
very very very much I wish in the general population this could work, this could work my love
every every every tie every rhyme

it's all for you
It's all for You

(II)
back broken tied twisted stuff my face(with your embrace)
comma me comma you comma her comma him
back it off the spring is cool and frightens my body
as the shadow swims I look in your eye

forever fleeting against the cold wind
the rain has stopped(it never began)
no wall...no wall....
there's no wall
everything I could do
get up sing and dance
my blood boils at a temperature unfathomable

burning turning yearning
burning
I am Fire
No- -
I am light
Stop death stop

and when fear has faded and the damage is done
I sink and drink and think of You
beauty unmatched (touch me)
I love your warmth forever -hold me
-hold me for I am lonely

(III)
breath to your light to your fire to your beauty to your match to your explosion of light I am yes you are Yes I am two who are you everything beauty you look like a bird taking flight for the first time what a beautiful sight it is to take flight into the night sky words upon words upon words to the lighthouse to the beach have a picnic have a picnic with everything you can imagine this is what I work for some days some days I forget when you are gone I miss you more than anything i could imagine hold me hold me you know i am lonely are you lonely too because in that case we can live together in pitch
perfect
harmony
I am Harmony.
Kiss me.
I am Descended upon upstairs.

(IV)
connect me to the stars
I fall
apart
looking&searchingbeau;
ty
Yes
for what then?
love
dove
resemble Christ
tell me Live
I sing of Gold
old and tall
Remember me
burning and yearning and turning
Stop Death Stop
you no longer control me
Tolstoy
ohhhhhhh
yes
looking for....
what
look at me
my body’s turning
over a fire
I am fire
I am burning sorrow
No
not
ever
finished
this is what it will be then this is how I will Become I will become You are becoming Yes I am Becoming
wine and peace
Tolstoy
Body turning good bye, my love (come back to me)

(V)
Eon-

(VI)
My body’s turning
(look at me)
My body’s yearning
(look at me)
I am burning
Body turning (Alley oop)
I love You
Fire to
Fire You
                                                             ­                                                    I reconstruct myself on the other side
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                 This Time
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                         I come together on the other side
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                          I win
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                           The other side
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                             the other side
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                            body burning
                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                body turning  
                                                       ­                                                                 ­                               body yearning
                                                        ­                                                                 ­                                      hero gone
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                        everyone’s gone
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                            you
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                        you’re still here
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                          reconstruction
ontheotherside
body turning Au Revoir, Mon Amour (come back to Me)

check your center is this where i am where am i flee flee time is time is what time does and time is wasting light like a winter's day
and to wish that everyday would end faster and faster will just shorten the life to vibration and guitar strings

there was once a time when everyone was kind; no, there was never such a thing
but yes that doesn't matter and yes we can go one yes i will go on
beating on like Caraway into the past no yes the sky is cracking remember that one
film that one that so specific film no? no. i can't remember either i hope she loves me still
some way the gleam in her eye seems to be a little uh and little em
pty like that glass You have right in your hand give me a sip please

everyone's busy complaining about their own dreams but when they come up suddenly it's not enough, and that's your fault i think not minepleasestopthis please you're sitting there with that look on your face like ha-ha you're sad lock me up then

she loved me tell me she loved me please you destroy worlds right come on and tell me if you can let me know then there's the door and here i go
oh now you want me to stay because i'm enough right tell me i'm good
wait
hold on
i'll let you check your ****** notes one more time you haven't rehearsed this moment much have you
oh but you know everything and protect everyone
FREE WILL written on the wall there i see
wonderful and original, as everyone else is through lava rivers and the fire soaks me dry

is this it is this tell me she loves me his hand over her shoulder why do i even care still i said i quit so i quit
i don't think anyone can be ashamed to quit because we're living in a time where we think everyone deserves to please another with their accomplishments whether the mental or the physical
(oh great congratulations on your marriage)
well no one deserves to see my love if everyone expects it pay me just pay me
look at you you're disgusting ha-i'm sorry i meant i'm disgusting
we're all disgusting you and me
we're both one of kind so thanks for listening i guess (just look at you)
i know i know you love me and want the best for me
FREEWILL
words get closer every  time i look every time ilook everytimeilook-

"I want to travel,"
She said , perhaps a little tipsy, under the weather
and cold

Yes, I'd love to travel too. Climb the mountains,
swim the seas, just like you'd do

"Promise me you'll always have my back.
I have yours,"
she said, sitting on the bench
eating lunch while I saw and stared
at the grey sky

I'll always have your back

"The cold weather always makes me depressed,"
she said, caring for her mother, thinking about
her brother, lying on her bed

The Winter isolates all of us
(but perhaps the four seasons traps me
all the time.

"I can't believe it's almost over,"
she said, in dress, sitting atop
the bar, on top of the world
couldn't tell if she was happy,
or if she was sad,
but it was spring, and spring was
Good

Don't worry

There is no cause for alarm,
there is no cause for alarm
there is no cause
no cause

"I think I love him,"
she said, head on his shoulder
my face in my pillow
glass shatters,

I always had your back

There is no cause for alarm
no cause for thoughtless thoughts
I can't stand here longer
than I had before

"How are you?"
She never said
lying on her bed

"I want a car crash,"
I thought, for the millionth time

"I hope you're happy.
I'm not"

Here I am again,
drowned in pools of fire,
I can smell the heat from here
inside the corners of my room,
under daylight’s gleam, midnight’s
solar flare
blinded by the star’s glare,
they say goodnight

i come undone, flying under her radar
flying under the stars gaze,
have I disappeared completely?
or have I been clinging to the poles of the earth too long?
do I freeze or do I burn
how long must I yearn for decay
for anything better than this,

I think of life when I think of death
I think of how I will always be more pure than her
and it puts a smirk on my face,
as I sit in agony of my dungeon

I have cursed myself
I did this on purpose years ago
i did it to save a girl i knew
and saved her, I did
she went on to do greater things
so as i realize this, the sun reaches higher into the sky
pulling muscles in my leg
getting headaches and finally I begin

how great it is to be pure
do they lie in bed together
is she chained to him forever
as I am chained to my loneliness
and my resilience of forgiveness

I don’t understand,
I will never understand
I can smell the heat from here
come back to me, one day
any day
I’ll always be here.

h a n d i n g
over the grave,
just to ****** your attention

lies upon li es and m
                                      o   r e

l ies

spaced in between yelling:
'I'm still here!'
with anger towards thing included
in such matrimony and forgiveness

expectations over the grave
everyone is exactly the same
i am not a privilege and don't deserve you,
or you or you (or you)

patience gone, over the grave
they think it's so easy
finding somewhere to belong
and it is easy
but i chose the hard way
(i'm still here)
aided by loneliness,
(why are you crying)
i am crying too
with stepfive:
Self acceptance and forgiveness
falling down the grave, over the other graves
****** in by the simple beauty of it all
all around me is a painting
sometimes grey, or blue
sometimes all hidden in little boxes,
getting quieter...and quieter
mixed in with style
breathing in, and out
to remember i'm human like the rest of you
so much worse, so much better
i'm still here, and vulnerable
as i hear you breathe in, and out,
turned around your head feeding stepfive to me
but i can swallow as i am the one who needs my choke myself
on self-acceptance and forgiveness
not for one thing, but for many, but most of all you
and all the sighs released are my oxygen
my beautiful, my gorgeous work of art,
why do you throw me over the grave?

I'm still here, vulnerable, and sorry,
choking on stepfive (looking at you)

i've bitten of a piece of my shadow and stopped looking
hoping for something more, and
nothing less

apology accepted, take it as my
clack a tack against your shoulder to remember nonsense
all the time

i've always been blunt in a good way
but with certain aspects electrocuted
and born

what makes them happy makes them happy
i'm happy to do so, but you, sad, i think
i'm sorry

it doesn't matter if it makes me happy or sad or frustrated
I feel abysmal without you and searching for you in a sea of admirers-
I quit.

dearest blank,



praising you for who you are (my blackest hole)

            how could someone so beautiful be so empty

walking and talking saying the same thing every day

with no variety and the same disposition that’s a poor way to travel



            through rain and snow there was a vow to promise

to follow you all day long and think of you all throughout the night

                        and to be honest, that’s what I wanted

to breathe you to feel you to love you

but love needs to go two ways



two ways for two hearts and two minds

(become one)

but you keep walking the same line over

and over

and over again

while it seems that I’m drifting through the past and the present

no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I love

                        you know it I know you know it is true

                                                            but you just won’t except it

nothingness and emptiness are companions

                        hello)

how are you

I can no longer believe it can work but your smiling face

and your beautiful hair pick me back up again even though

I want to be thrown in the woods all by myself

so I can stare at a pond and relax coming back to it

and to float and sink and breathe and forget the love

to         find

                                    someone

                                    worth

                        my time

            my effort

                                    my struggle

but the deeper I get the more I know it is true

                                                                        I'll just end up thinking about you

Always,

Yes.

your warm arms are
my fire in my

Elysian Fields

backed up into the home of (the house is bigger on
the inside)
family and grace
to find a wilting rose
and a more than a little morose
girl
crying on the bedroom floor
oblivious

pining away like a sigh in the dark
lighting a match to see the naked
(everything)

when you know
when you go

time was flying when I walked out of the room
under the red balloon
i understood it to a point where it was too much
to handle

and gradually i fell
down the downward spiral
(the house is bigger

i took a bite of the apple of life
your skin was burnt and i wanted to heal you
with my filthy touch

whether i want you to put your lips on mine or put your gun (under your bed) to my head, i don't know

both ways would end the suffering

but you were lying their with no veil on your face
and you will see my mask i put on every single day
i'm a a real disgrace
back in the corner where you glance I'm completely invisible and so far away

take me as i am and i'll calm down
                      on the inside)

i own my atonement through my atrophy

and it seemed the blood dripped from the walls like rain slipping down windows
in the storm
i've called the tempest
war is coming
( and i fell down the downward spiral)
and i'm still going

and through this and during what's going on the poet said:
what's yours?

and back in the room where you laughed with your friends when we
(I) burned with envy
in your beautiful happiness what i will would kinda coulda woulda got

and i wanted to place my hand on your face
blow the day away
but i'm completely invisible and so far away

and you don't see me

the poet says wanna see the day fly away like
a bunch of newspapers from the 1800's
the poet says i need to feel like i'm completely different
to feel like i'm exactly the same
the poet says forget the shame and play the game
burning with envy
the poet says everyone take sit all swimming in ****
he told me that everything's a ******* game
and it's all in my ******* head
and my ******* world within  a world
is decaying

you don't know how long i've waited
and for what
i'd get rid of every feeling
but then again
the only thing keeping the day interesting
is the feeling

(the poet says take it all away and decay to pine away like a sigh in the dark in the back of the classroom i would have know the beauty and the dreams of a bunch of condos and a pool mixed with the nectar of the gods and everyone was will may have been there and you too in the background but i'm in the background every other day completely invisible and so far away

justification sleeps embracing
                              our juxtaposition  
              confusion's schism falls

we love

laying down with the back of my head pressed

firmly on the white bed

I understand what it fully means when I look outside into

the bright dark night and the

sky seems to be a puzzle of some sorts put together

only by

                Dreams



as the sound of beauty fills the air

I hold the paper and the paper holds my heart

and all that I can see is a cold blackness

mixed with the brightness of the moon that causes a reflection

clearer than the bluest flowing river



it takes a few mere seconds to

                   turn over

and observe the world from

                this side of Paradise

                even if it’s the wrong way home

                                                (I’d still grow wings)



and what is a star but a symbol of hope and greatness

only illuminated by other stars and the moon (keeps sending me a message)

or is a star not only a symbol

but a painting that describes the whole eternal universe

and everything ****** inside of it

and who would wish to set the painting into flames

or sell it to the unworthy, for that matter



as the sky keeps beckoning me I remember that

there is an everything to everyone

and beyond life I remain to wonder

if he will remember me and

who I am (was) because I’ve kept realizing

these beautiful revelations at a faster rate than I ever thought would be possible

and the air keeps lifting me off of my feet

                                                                                as I feel like I’m

                                                                being dipped into the fountain of youth and truth

only the water is not blue anymore, it is a blood red



and the stars take everyone for who they are and I keep

breathing to feel the stars of the universe to come and bring me up

and to let me realize all at once that the stars are the ticket to the greatest painting

ever painted

but if keep swimming in the Red

I’ll be dead

but the stars bring life, yet the others will cut it with their flaming knife

(I don’t want to be taken so far away from here)

Why
ever                        know
your
bloodline(andloveandwhatnot)
underst­anding yet COPYING
out wonderful             (DREAMS)
collapsing to my knees with just your voice, i take what i take and take it in
                          [hey come out h(ere like wonderful marriage) i won't be normal]
                          time’s pieces eat
shattered love
girlsandboysmenandwomenloveandsexwhatdidyouaccomplishinyourf­uckinglife

highway speeding,
fast track-(I'm bleeding)
this is never ending(never
gonna' end)
time's barrier crosses down
through the town of the past
and little things different
yet so the same
just the way I wanted to be
our two souls,
you and me,
together we'll see
past all the roads spat out of black holes
(our own little life)

through metal invisible bars
we're crashing dreams like cars.

If you were the same me
I would have known how
everything goes now
she stares at the ceiling
li(v)es full of meaning
and somewhat deceiving
the way you look

sliding down
running town
looking 'round
meaning
life is short
when i caught
beakers down
bleeding

breaking beneath the waves
unknowing  as it is to you
i will send the ocean into
your cavi
ty

la la la la la la la lie
ala carte somehow,
why

is it
so hard
looking at
me
to see that you truly look past
me
seeing circles
pulling circles
running perfect little
circles
i can adorn you
with your crown of thorns
born of unborn
igno
rant
suffering

this will not end till I say it's over
like is the dreaming, not the doing
if i could erase the scratches of time
bleed them all out, and do it again
all for you
all for you
this is not what I want to do
if i knew
something to do
i'm caught right here in the middle with you
glancing envy
turning so pale
chasing your tail
this isn't the end
i have gone so far
this is not over
and
look at me all you like
i will not forget this
i will not forgive this
laying the fist down
changing it all around
i know what I want

yet i can't have it
you can't know it
she doesn't see it
he couldn't be it

i am the crown of your thorns
unturned by endless stones. I am the reaping, i am the creaking, floors in your youth. here is my shoulder, there is your hand, there is his hand, i can not end this with my shouting endless dreams. flowers on flowers, gardens on gardens, fields upon hills and mountains in silk. this is so fast. this is so cold. i can't be too old

or be too young

dear god
i was thinking about it the other day
the dying the sickness the hunger
the one person getting hurt equaling a million prayers
yet the boys and girls being thrown in the basement bruised and battered get nothing

i've been praying for sixteen going on seventeen years
and what do i get
little
but the years before fourteen meant little
every year after meant a lot
my heart and soul went into hoping war would end and children would thrive
and she would fight for me

but alas
none of this came true

children starve and are beaten
women are *****
men are murdered
unthinkable acts of violence must go unseen because we worry about the small things

so verily verily i give unto you, this time, my final prayer
an echo a dream of space and the universe
of peace and love of literature and poetry
of songs sung loudly proof proof i need proof
i want her to love me
not anyone else because that will not be true
and even though i say this over and over again
that all i want is some peace of mind and some attraction to last throughout eternity
i figure, knowing you (for the most part)
nothing will come through and I'll be left here to fight in the Nothing

keep a man with two billion dollars safe and sound, though
you're good at that

re la la lin quish
forsewallthenon
the non
the anon and non and soon

deceived monster triumphs
over all there's a mist there's a ****** airy feeling
arise

believe your eyes
open up write it down and see
new words new earth new universe
I have arrived
open your eyes
breathe and
look

i can't forget what the dirt tastes like
remember broken shards of glass
in your arm
piercing mine on an exploding playground
like my memories and my anger

thumb in palm and a clenched fist
with bruises and blood trickling
down your face
like you've got a crown of thrones
except it's mine
and i need you to crucify this
peaceful moment
this pathetic life
this abysmal circle
until i figure that everyone is innocent or not
and everyone's on their podium until
they're knocked off by the waves
of determination
and then i remember everything you told me
with your fingernails
'***** off'
a joke
a ******* joke
it's all a joke
with your hands on my skin,
my shoulder against yours
the little movements and the peace
and quiet
and your eyes in my eyes
until i smash it with a hammer
because my time is relative
and it's short
and i've waited so long for nothing
because 'everything amounts to
something' which is
**** because
nothing is nothing
especially broken clocks lying
on driveways
and presents left at your door
and stupid hugs
and my stupid arms that never want to let go
of whatever you thought i was
if i could be you i wouldn't
because i'd scare myself too
unto you
unto everything
all i can think about is my thumb on my palm
and my bloodied fist stuck in some
tangent dream
with my crown of thorns
and my cross
and my playground of **** i'm
spiraling my eye
as i dream at night of having a day dream if you
even exist the weather is
cloudy with a one percent chance there's something likable
deep down inside
i am your god
your peace
your understanding
your everything
your nothing
my god
my god
why have you forsaken me?

walls or no walls,
(take out cash)
walls or no walls
(break out, then dance)

remember childhood
(delete, and *******)
remember teenage years
(you're still 18)

walls or no walls
kick me to the side of the curb,
let me bleed out while you laugh
laugh because it's hilarious
spit on my face because
it probably gets you hot
probably because it's funny

two times on the ruined field
frustration and ******* (both of us)
**** me with silence
while I search for serenity  

walls or no walls,
deep inside is my soul
I want to try again, but I can't
and I can't make this any better

walls or no walls,
walls or no walls
walls or no walls
walls or no walls

when you skim down to the good part,
there is no good part,
there is no time where it is good
when everything isn't some
cry for attention or
****** pseudo-intellectual *******
you like to push on people
or at least I imagine you pushing on people

and I sit and try to remember that
this is not a venting machine
that poetry should be imagery
and metaphors and beauty or even anger
with imagery of the sun (walls or no walls)
and stars and how stars are
like the souls of people when they die
and we're all a ******* star
haha-haha-haha-haha
but that's not true (nothing is true)

I bet you didn't even notice
that I want to become what I never
wanted to become and I bet you don't
care when you hear on the news
that I was not successful and I
was not good and I had no more
imagery left no more imagery left from a few
years ago where I thought I liked
to write this stuff and I stuff my mouth
full to make myself shut up because holy Jesus
I don't want to be an *******,
I don't want to be a horrible person
But I've already messed it up

In a month, on the same day,  it will be our 19th birthdays
I remember I thought that was so cool,
and I wished on 11/11/2011 that we would be together forever
haha-haha-haha-haha
we will both be 19,
but I will not wish you happy birthday because
I was afraid you wouldn't either,
and you probably wouldn't care,
just like how I don't care about this anymore

hey, it's great that no one knows what they want to do, except you
except you
except your happy
hypothetical
*******
marriage.               (good)bye

'Doctor' I called after he left
on the heel of his foot he turned, sort of old and grey, not whimsical nor lyrical not left
the wrong life the wrong dream
what, he says, angered i respond with haste
'There's no such thing as too much poetry'

spinning through a mirror on a solitary
style in the winds of Winter
devouring faces near and far

vulnerable outside here in your
glorious shadow, night or morning
hit me in the head as I stare into
an empty room-
so full, so full

full of gentle movements uncaring
and believable in terms of healing
your grace is ungraceful
(you expect to much)
I can't even believe it

responding to the response that never came,
a little trigger to get your attention

I'm,
holding on
running in a circle,
so nice
doing the dance on the ice

it's alright,
and it's okay
you tell me in my mind
it could be no other way

the farther away I am,
the closer I get
little things that remind me,
and even as I wish I could erase your face
you keep showing me these other things
another side, a hole in the wall
a hole in my heart
outside your window,
running in circles,
so nice, so very very nice
doing this dance (alone) on the cold
hard
sharp
ice

there was a simile and a metaphor wrapped inside the finest golden linen inside a box and in the box was a dream and in that dream was a choice and in that choice was a life and in the seconds of bright light a time no one can possibly remember i was chosen i was born as i flew out somehow through the tides of the ocean and the rippling waters in a pond in the backyard was my hope and my peace and my gift wrapped inside wrapped around a little finger
                     and to cut the womb and let it flow out what is this why and how and nolonger must i suffer every single word of gratitude and fulfillment feels like a knife stuck in ice and now in my heart as a rainbow emerges from the rain an i bet you were happy i knew you were happy
                  thanks for sharing your great time while i sat and drowned in my own tears and my own sweat thanks for telling me what now was i am i just tell him because every breakdown every moment has led up to this to this and i wish to God i was older to get away from this to cut the womb the be reborn to cut the womb to cut the womb to cut the womb upside down down upside right left
to the circle to the circle never ending is what they said
thanks
for
telling me
about
your gr
eat
time
makes me
feel a whole lot better
easy to feel passed over in a time likethis
and you help i know you just want to help but this is getting so
getting so perfectly annihilating so perfectly exhausting so perfectly pure so perfectly wrapped like the bow ties of the gentleman around and i know i'm not that I know it and i cry myself to sleep and drown in my tears and my years i can't help but think that without you by my side all the time i'm

downwardspiraling towards a perfect circle in sync i can no longer wait and be the most patient man in the universe four long years can not turn to five and if so i selfdestruct i will nolonger yes no

drain it out,
drain it out

drain me of pollution in my burning soul
cloudy days destroy tattoos on people
stuck in my head
and to hear the cries of
people looking for rights(andwrongs)

i don't need a star and i don't need a connection
betweenotherworldythings
drain it out, everything
the doubt
the senses
the emotion
this background buzz obliterates
my eardrums
-----------------------------------------------------
i­nto the sea of people again
no one looks at me
you've ruined it
i sink into some sink,
down the hole- -
falling

i can't understand why you don't
want to drain me out of you
and why i can't drain you out of me
it's the nightmare that just keeps going
and going
and flashes of faces of your face
just eat the hole
just eat the whole lot
impressing the press and the hole
and ripping me apart (with your
eyes)
the rambling and the falling will stop one day,
(I think i'll just have a little taste)
I have pressed i have pressed I have pressed i have pressed
you down to your core as you have pressed me
but nothing has been drained out except my invisible energy-

that is the pleasure of life

:Overture:

keep
k e
eep
the
the the the
faith look out
the train is a'comin son
coming right to
wards you

      find the way home blind one
i'm comingbackcomingbackcomingbackcomingback
h-o-m-e
a four letter
words                      
                                             i can not focus on the man trying to swim
through the desert and the rain
                     (the world's

i am growing
coming back
rising through
~what i have to 'do

big oxymoron)

take it with a grain of salt & and a pint of
death's whispering shadows
what's in gonna take (it in take it in arrive at the Gate)
right
comingback
**-me
this
these
wo-rd-s
so
broken and beaten in the chocolate of the night
dripping blue blood
what can make me remember this holy ground

I
because i'm coming back
for You
i've done you wrong and i inject the guilt into my blood
this is my fault
why blame you for my faults
little, as you say, but present
i've realized that today
no introduction can peace me out because quite
hon
      est
           ly (repeat
i know it needs to happen
there's still the green
the green the purple and the blue light streaming on in strands like a party as a party friendship is what friendship does

forever and forever
∞times∞ equals forever, beautiful

II-The Reflection

look down swirl and swirl
your picture makes me smile
every time
i close my eyes
thinkandrelax
hello
once again in my mind
hold my hand again
in the only place it seems possible
we can make this plausible
a true to do list
for four years
four long beaten years
i've waited for this
i'm not going to let anyone ruin this because this is mine
this has only been mine
this has always been mine
for the second i saw you i knew it would be you
no schism no breaking can take us apart
through the floods and the hurricanes that don't exist in our world
but in the mind
oh how He's told me over and over again
we won't make it together
and that 'friend' told me we shouldn't be together
and to not try to be with you
i cast both of them out so they will go
there's the click
the most beautiful precious click
just flip the switch and go off like a firework
the big kind
the New Year kind
and although it's been a New Year for a few months
it feels like a New Life, my love
because I have decided
I have controlled my fate
I hereby forget and let go
every regret and every past
there is only tomorrow
only tomorrow yes it is true it is true
because I will journey right inside of your heart

(the first moment
I saw you
art class
four years ago
they say Love at first sight is impossible
but no one who talks about love understands Love anyway
so I can't take them seriously)

Finale-

no few words have ever spoken true
for me to you to you to me
those words, I love you
yes i do i want to be

Yours

what you want when you need it
i want to be your Everything, your Anyone
you're already those to me
but hopefully we can see
We Play a Finale that will never End
that even though there may locks to be unlocked
and many codes to be cracked
many gifts to be open
many truth's to unfold, i just want you to know
∞*∞ Equals Forever, Beautiful
and Forever with each other we will laugh, love, and live....

Go

(I remember the whips)
and the way out
filled with doubt and
violins in the distance

no way out there's no way
I'd get out alive
cars crashing and dishes breaking
are in the future
(but if that's what He wants let it be)
let it be
life is easy
life is hard
life is wrong
life is long
yet so short
everyday seems to never end until I realize I'm
back in bed with thoughts of
(her?)
you in my head
and there's no rain
or there is rain
but no peace

I have observed the multitude
******* each other (over)
"be grateful for what you have"
especially when you have nothing
take what you have and get what you want
until you realize what you want
isn't anything you want

it could have been easy but it
didn't have to be since
I'm more patient than anyone else has been
especially since the outcome is Nothing
so shove it to the side and let it
rust and rot

I can take what I need and feed
on the rest of them
the prey will pray the day away
just like I do

I need to forget about waves
and the yelling and the screaming
and the fighting and the end it all
thoughts that slowly penetrate the
walls of my room
so take me home with you one more and the only time
(the countdown has already started)
let me explore the depths
or throw me down in the streets
either could be the same
through the delusions and every time
I talk to myself
I remember why I was here in the first place

and every day I'm alive
I'm fighting to survive
walls and the ceilings
are falling down and the music gets louder
and louder and the colors are more vibrant
and I look over and everyone's moving
and I wonder why I got so confused in the first place and what I'm doing there
and then I try and try not to cry
(I need help, I'm sick)
just frozen in time
waiting and waiting and waiting

they all surround me and
I wish I could be someone else
since I walk faster or leave
and they leave
she leaves
you leave
until they're all gone
doing something else
it's a catastrophe
that the invisible bombs are falling down
in my mind

don't leave me hanging anymore
everything in life is so abrupt
I can't check out much longer
since I'm stuck here forever
as the music keeps playing and I'm just waiting
and waiting and waiting
for something more because life is easy and life
is hard and life is wrong and life is long
but it feels so short
for no reason

and when I calm down
I just wonder why I'm doing this in the first place
cross out everyone because it's
all my fault
I'm the worst person in the world
I wouldn't want to be around me either
can't escape the abruptness of the saving and the dating
because I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting
and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and-

over two hundred to three is the ratio to the sun
the 1.618 is evident i am spiraling through 1 1 2 3 5 8 13
and back again to here but her smile her aura is always
worth it always Yes worth a Yes wink a Yes embrace this i love this Yes
over everysinglething

curtain falls
you've descended from heaven
I don't want to
I don't wait to wait
another year to just hold
you forever

(since everything's safe and warm in your embrace while you're around)
there's no doubt
there's no doubt

i want this I need it
I want this i need it no
I want this I need it not
(no)
i want this i need it now oh god i need it now please listen hear my

i want this-i need it now to breathe to feel to see to come and conquer
let my life be known and uncollected (travesty)
well everyone's higher i go lower
i run the race just a little bit slower
dance on and dance on and dance on

spiraling circle heed my witness now
dancing on to the night from dusk till dawn
everybody dances everybody does it why don't you why don't you just do this for once
tryittrytrytrydancing
you'll love it
circle wheel's broken mother
i can't fix it no
                       longer
but i try
so hard
dance on into the wind

how am i supposed to love this if the benefits don't come to me
i can not go to my own environment and expect this to come to be
for me for whatever i am stop everyone stop trying to tell me
i don't want to be in this race this environmental stimulation
(oh god hear my)
i no longer want to be labeled stamped thrown in a box and shipped
no matter how far away no matter how many tears
dance on dance on spinning circle
christ it is the little things that soothe or stab
(take a nab at it, eh boy?)
please
you just don't understand how no matter what
you will not understand
fightdancelovefightdancelove/circleroundsmile
i scream a silent scream in(two) the mist
eh boy
little boy
so much to learn
i am done being labeled)
little
boy

little
i was little....

once

please

hear my everything

i pine away i pine away i am most definitely pinning away

you're extravagant sky lifts
   gravity
           dies
                together we will
                                 fly

forced down on the floor
shove my face into the ground some more
and score and score and score
and scream 'some more'

the ending is the ending of the beginning
but where does the new one start

i can march right on down the hallway
and into your presence
into your aura

and float like a goddess from the sea
over and walking on water through the river and to the land
where the people are fertile and growing and civilization
is flowing from the banks
and time heals whatever is surrounded by
demons and shadows
and if you can lend me your hand
this will feel a little different
yet so the same as it was anytime
and anytime you want me i think i'll be here
not on this ******* pedestal
around the ******* mindlessness
i'll be here
this will be the grand finale
booming drums
bows on strings
yes,
yes I see it now
goodbye,
goodbye

goodbye
yes
good
bye

after thinking about this, I think I should turn back

give me a second to think

(the night is a painting of stars)



the thunder echoes with her voice

the very thing I've been avoiding this entire time



O' how she backons me

how she calls me by my name

how she smiles and laughs

how could a night end up like this (for me)



can't this wait another year or two?

it's not that I don't care about you

I just need some time to think this whole thing through

it's fine, I'll just wait another minutre

it's not as if this night is going anywhere



(the thunder is a dream, the rain winks with her movement as I...

Know!

I Know!



can't this wait another month or so?

I'm tired and I've got places to go

back and forwards (she moves) Time moves slowly

I'm sorry how this ended up

            and fly....

                  fly right away

           fly to the endlessness I have already known

           fly right away

                                        just fly...

I'm Last!



can't this just wait another hour, one's already past

just pour me another glass of water

this is not the time for games

just get your mind into it and sell it all



O' and how the silence pours down

how could I forsake you?

this is my descision

you are the one who matters

but how she comes down from the clouds, a mystical goddess in the wind

why did I ever throw myself into this position?



and **** it can't this wait another minute? Come on!

time is short and the night is long

nothing makes sense(you move back and forth)

I am born twice in a matter of twelve hours

once in the morning, once at night

breathe in

breathe out

the sound, the sound

oh God

not the sound



tick

tick

tick tick tick to the tock I'm the trick of the trade she's the rhyme of the clock



tick tick tick tock she likes it why can't I just like this

this could have been stopped

tick tick tick tock



I'm beyond afraid

tick tick tick tock no

tock anymore

in my breathe I hit the floor

can't this wait another second....please...



O how I love the taste of the floor..

(I knew I would be the one to forsake you)

the arms are slit and the legs are cracked
the mouth's ripped and the time is ripped
being along the line of the whacked
and all the others tipped and whipped

i long for a single moment of bliss
one where i don't have to expect will end
but my face is dripping and my eyes are a kiss
of complete ****** death and my legs bend

the pressure of my stomach reminds me of myself
decaying in a slow single way along the slide
of my childhood and right now i want to tell you you're well off
loved not ignored so don't complain to me if i'm by your side

i'm lucky enough to be unlucky to be me
this life's like a bleeding cheek
a kiss with a knife in my face, see?
here's where you are and you're meek

so along the shore lines of a couch
in someone else's beautiful house
enough to tell me where you are and take from your pouch
purse whatever you give me give me a douse
of orange
and purple

everyone's here reminding me
how there's faith and assurance inside of crosses
but whatever you want me to be
i will but that doesn't mean my life's not full of losses

so let me be or let me in with you
i long for your beautiful long red hair
so just give me a free time before the bloodshot's due
if you love me like i love you i think you may want to care

It's 12:12 a.m
don't know where I am and the light isn't coming up soon
but it is morning, not night,
I guess
I have a feeling I won't be getting much sleep
but that's okay
that's alright
I'll work it out with made up dreams of you
what I hope you are and will become
(changing everyday. everything's changing everyday. can't do it. won't do it. they all look at me. good morning. good night. good morning. good night. goodmorninggoodnightgoodmorning)

she loves me she loves me not she loves me she loves me not forever, and ever
amen