Let me take
Your sorrows
Your worries
Let me transform them into
Something comprehensible
Something magical
Let me ease
The pain
The anxiety
The hardship
Let me write poetry

we are the late night dreamers
we are the cast down faces
we are the thinkers
we are the forgotten tarnished souls,
with too many scars for acceptance
we are the fighters,
who rally the war cries
we lose battles,
with other selves
and forget who we are

we are people
we are human,
sometimes we need
to be reminded of that

the background music plays,
it goes like this:
i want to die,
i want to die,
i want to die,
and that begins to be more
interesting than the film

Lonely and alone are different
but right now I am alone and lonely

The stork is ready
to begin the hunt
but there is a string
around my neck
holding me still
I grab the fish near me
but I cannot swallow
for the string is to tight
my ambition is the fish
but they are far away
and the string is so short

Don’t speak
it’s easier that way
they scream
and maybe they’re right
but I just grin
like the Cheshire cat
and walk away

My skin is red there
its peeling there
So I pull.
I pull at this pain that traps me;
I pull away the suffering;
I pull away the memories,
the hurt too much to keep.
But when I am done pulling
what will remain of me

I am trying to write a letter to the man who tried to save me.
I don’t know what to say
And maybe that's why I stop
Maybe that's why the ground remains the same distance away.
Maybe that's why the bridge doesn’t win this time.
The characters of ‘dear teacher’
are the only things that mark the page

I wore pigtails
in kindergarten
because every one thought
I was a boy
I wore dresses in 1st grade
pigtails weren’t enough
in 2d I wore pants
only with floral patterns though
otherwise they asked
in 8th grade a classmate joked
that I look like a boy
I laughed
but lost a piece of young me

you are monotonoous,
but only from afar
you glimmer like a spark
and fall in graceful archs

you coat the logs and leaves
you sprinkle on the eaves
you fall together like a weave.
on my scarf you salt and pepper

you are a cruel predator
blinding confusing, you grab your prey
the maze create is flawless,
you are truly a deadly thing

you are snow.
you are a wolf in sheeps clothing

The darkest hour of the night
held though in her eyes
yet the stars
shown bright as well
in her eyes

Does she know
how I admire her from afar
how I love her
would she leave me if she knew

I kept saying:
no one loves me
no one thinks I'm beatiful

What I really meant:
I don't love me
I don't think I'm beatiful

Watercolor leaves
Dancing in the trees
Blurred by the rain
Soothe my pain

In the cold fall air
doubting ourselves
aren’t we quite the pair
we sit in silence all alone
yet so much is fixed
we help each other build
what people have destroyed
just an unusual pair

every time you glance over a "fine"
every time you're cold and unsupportive
when you ask the easy questions
when you see pain in someones eyes
and do nothing
every time....

you're gambling with a life
so ask the hard questions
see past the masks and lies
throw down the rope
or tie the noose
it's your call this time

We are writing our from our hearts
Red ink staining the pages
We are writing with our hearts
Each word in rhythm
We are showing everyone our hearts
So that no one can see the wounds elsewhere
We are convincing ourselves that if our heart still beats
There is no problem.
But our hearts are beating our blood away

I promised
I would always stand with you
forever
but
you grew up
when I wasn’t looking
and suddenly
you didn’t want me around
I talked
but you no longer listen
I was waiting on
your answer:
did I break a promise
or honor the trust of one?

Shroud my vision
blur my mind
tripping every step
heavy heart
but not of stone
just tarnished
not shattered
just bleeding
will I heal before
my heart shrivels

Anxiety is wondering
finding the worst scenario
and elaborating on it
anxiety is a fast growing plant
climbing up walls
and erasing everything else
anxiety is erratic
going from saying something
to college applications
anxiety is living in the future
forgetting what is right here and now

My generation
will walk on
shattered glass of the past
without flinching
because we’ve been taught
it’s the norm
we’re all lost
because the path was
broken before we came

The memories I made with you no longer fit with me
But I can't decide whether to weigh them down
Or set them free

I made these memories on a stormy sea
But where doesn’t matter
Because you were with me

Now you're gone
But don't come back
I no longer sail on seas like that

When the lights go out
I’ll be right there
beside you
and if you
cannot bear
to turn on the lights
then I will sit with you
talk with you
in the pitch black

Yes, I am still alive.
but I
no longer enjoy
the senation of
air entering
my lungs

My hands shake
and all I do is stare at them
the people around me
unaware of its significant
my gaze is unfocusing
because my imagination is taking over
which is never a good thing

my hair lies in wads
littering my bed
clinging to my clothes
my hair is running short
when will I stop ripping

I am learning
to not make my sadness
a metaphor

but this is not one of those times'

today my sadness is everything from the ceiling fan,
to the lonely moon in the sky

I am not special
you were and you lost it
so I’m here to help you
pick up the pieces
even if that means losing my own

I debated about
sending an email
but I don’t want to bother you
so I sit alone
feeling worse every second
still the emails are silent
unsent, unread
and there they shall remain

Quiet faces
and loud minds
sitting back because
not everything requires a reaction

My tears trail one another
mixing, and intwining,
asking each other:
Why is she crying now?

Clouds are swirling
and trees sway
clouded heart
and confused brain
but yet I’m not really in pain
because it all feels the same

Why do you stand me?
after every self-deprecating sentence
email, and comment
What do you see in me?

I fall over something
my head hits the wall
the thought in my brain
turn sideways
and lose their balance
I’m stuck on the ground
suddenly I remember
people are watching
so stand back up
and walk away
without any direction
what a public display of pain

I just want to lie here
but you signal a new day
I try to shut you out
in every possible way

I pull the covers above my head
I bury my face in the bed.
I clamp my eyes closed,
yet you make me sleep in throws.

I will not wake to a new day
as hopeless as the rest
I do not want to see the sunrise
please just let it set

I do not want to wake
just to see my hands shake
just to see my soul break
I have nothing of this day to make.

Please just let me lie here
as the sun streams in
Please just let me cry here
as the sun streams in

You ask me questions,
Say more you say
Say more about suicide
Say more about your relationship with your parents
Say more
Say less my brain says
Say less about your feeling
more about your friends
Say less about your dreams
more about the season
Say less, the world will be a better place

Words aren’t people

my pen can’t fill
the void of a friend

Sometimes there are
so many words
I put my pen to paper
and they don’t stop
my brain is screaming
for sleep
yet my mind is too busy
words are swirling
forming sentences
and sometimes paragraphs
of words

Every wall I’ve built
came crashing down
with a
I don’t want to do this anymore
you destroyed my walls
you trusted me,
and I trusted you
but that’s over
so don’t try to crack
the walls again

run
from the fox
from the world
never stop running
because when you do
the predator will catch you
so watch your back
don’t stop running
and never give up
the fox is inevitable
but to keep fighting
is courage in the face of that

The first time I made a watercolor
was unclear and inconcise
a bleeding between emotions; of colors overlapping
the brush tasted blue and loved it
wanted to spread it across the page
A permanently stained brush always leaves a mark of its first color
bleeding into all others

I cannot settle
I must constantly
question the situation
wondering how long it will last
how long before my parents
find out I’m a poet
find out I’m not straight
how long will I have this website
or will it disappear too

We’ll still be friends,
right?
no we won’t
we’ll grow apart
you won’t like my poetry
and I won’t like
your boy obsession
we’ll break
we were never a good pair

I'm sorry it's dramatized
because I am a poet
I'm sorry if I
bleed out my eyes
because I am a poet
I'm sorry if I
see winter in the summer sky
because I am a poet

Love is like an ember
Burning in the fire
It’s something that's remembered
Something that’s transpired

Too many remember now
What I wished them to forget
Now I make myself a vow
That I must soon onset

The vow is this
To forget the one you love
For we will not soon kiss
I shall rise above

I know that it is over
But I wish you the best in life
Be as lucky as a four leaf clover
I hope you can feel the knife

My heart tightens my rib cage traps my lungs
these are part of a dance we’ve done many times
a dance where one partner is trying to run
and the other  is trying to waltz.
You do not get a head start,
there is no finish line or trophy.
You just hope that the next dance is slower,
The steps are less hard, and the partner less willing to dance.

Do you ever need the space between words
to breath?
Do you ever feel like how many spaces
in certain places can say it all,
how many dots
how the commas interact?
do you ever feel like
space is more than a pause
like it’s the only thing
holding the words together
and without it every writer would crumble

She dances
with such ferocity
She puts her soul on display
and doesn’t let people
discredit it
where does such confidence arise

Grey lady of the mist
Hold me tight tonight
Through the darkness
Through the trees
When the lights go out
And demons begin their fun
When gets imagination is dangerous
And words get volatile
Hush my cries
With your starry eyes
Caress me with frigid hands
Hold me close when it all caves in