I saw her posting pictures of you two together today,
I don't know what happened to me after that
I could feel it, in my stomach, in my chest
I don't know what it was
Was it jealousy? Was it rage?

A series of questions are torturing my brain now
Why her? Why not me?
Am I not pretty than her?
Am I not beautiful than her?
Am I not girl enough?

I  surely don't know how to curl my lashes
I don't know how to fix my eyebrows
Can't walk on heels, Can't put on makeup
Never wore a skirt, never even an earring

But I know what makes you smile,
You like to get drunk on *****,
And sing Ed Shereen
You like to dance like crazy
You call it your "drunk dance"

Your eyes become wet when you yawn
And You don't like the freckles on your shoulder
You like pizza, But won't eat it
I don't wanna get fat you say

You have your way of kissing too
My style you call it,
when our tongues touch just for nanoseconds
And you pull yourself away

You like it when I give you a hickie
You'll check in the mirror if it is blue enough
You like running your fingers down my spine
"I love your curves", you tell me
"Your skin is so soft and you smell so pure"

You like sharing your toothbrush
You like hiding my clothes
You like closing your eyes and expecting me to kiss you
And when I don't , I can see the cute disappointment in your smile

You like chocolates 200%
You like gifts like a girl
Birthdays excite you like a child
And you can't watch a horror movie at night

Are these all phony?
The things you said to me, the things we did together
If so, you are quite an actor
And if I could, I would nominate you for an award
An award for the best teller of the untruths.....
That's what you are, a LIAR

When I was a kid,
I always fancied the idea of love,
Saw my elder sisters go out on dates,
And overheard them talking on the phone..
Saw them smiling to themselves,
And  hiding their faces in the pillow..

I always wondered how it felt like to be in love,
The flowers, The chocolates
The gifts, The surprises
The cliched dates
The romantic candlelight
The kiss under the moon
The sweet love-making
Magical!!! I had imagined

But it turns out,
That love was not meant for me
For me,
Love is pain
Love is unworthiness
Love is your heart ripping off
Love is feeling that ache literally in your stomach and chest
Love is torment
Love is drowning in toxin
Love is wanting so bad to escape
Love is crying yourself to sleep
Love is sitting on the bathroom floor at 2 am and sobbing
Love is doubting your self- existence
Love is wanting to take your own life
Love is hell....

If I ever meet you again,
I just want to ask,
Why did you do this to me?
Please tell me why?
But I know you’ll stand there
look me dead in the eyes and ask me instead,
What have I done to you?
What have I done to you?

I won't have any answer to that question
I know I can't answer that but
Look into my eyes,
Look how lifeless they are,
They keep on staring at the blank,
At the ceiling, at the wall
Maybe you have the answer to what  they are searching for

Look at my smile,
Look how broken it is,
But it disguises me quite well,
Helps me to profess I m okay
Maybe you know a way to fix this

Look at my skin,
Look how pale it is,
I have been starving myself lately,
I don’t know what hunger feels like,
Maybe you have the answer to why I m not thirsty anymore

You have broken me into million pieces,
In such a way I can never sew them back together
I don't have faith in love anymore,
Relationships are ****
No, I can't trust anyone anymore
My heart trembles by the fear it will break again
My body fears the touch of a human
For it thinks it will be used again
My soul doesn't seek anyone's company anymore
It cannot endure the pain of separation again
After all of  this, if  I ask you why
You 'll still have that audacity to ask me back cold-heartedly
What have I done to you?
What have I done to you?

I ll never know where I went wrong,
I ll never know why I wasn't good enough...
Was it the way I caressed your hair?
Was it the way I touched your cheeks?
Was it the way I held your hands?
Was it the way I blushed when you looked at me?
Was it the way I laughed at your not so funny jokes?
Was it the way I kissed you all night?
Was it the way I hugged you so tight?
Was it the way I called to say goodnight?
Was it the way I texted to say I miss you?
Was is the way I got worried when you were sick?
Was is the way I knew all your favorites?
Was it the way I told you I love you?
Was it the way I gave my all to you?
Where did I go wrong ??
Please tell me this,
Why wasn't I enough?

I haven't seen myself in the mirror for a while,
I m scared of what I'll look like..
The dark circles around my eyes,
Knows all the secrets of my sleepless nights...
Nights I spend wondering...
Did I even matter to you?
Did I even matter to you?

Oh, how much I want to escape from you..
Maybe some morphine, that'll do
No, I won't think about you..
No, I don't want to think about you!!!!!
Cause I know while I m in bed thinking of you
You are also in bed about to get laid in just one, two...

For once, I wish this was untrue
For once, I wish you knew
This pain that I m going through
You left me saying that I deserved the world
But I just wanted to deserve you......
Don't call my love one-sided,
Cause I wouldn't have fallen for you,
If you hadn't made me believe
That you'd catch me when I do!!!

I know my texts don't excite you anymore,
But you are polite enough to reply it anyway
And if I call you, you'll receive it too
But I know you cringe when you hear my voice
Just for the night , you needed me
Just for that one night
The night's already over
But I m not over you yet

I remember everything, so clearly in my head
How beautifully you sang, & I sang along with you
How you made me laugh, laugh & laugh so hard
How you held my hands & we tried to dance
How your lips blew life to my cold and dry spirit
How the butterflies in my stomach fluttered
How my cheeks turned crimson and I looked away
But you kept on staring at me
Like  you wanted to fall in love...

I did not undress my body that night,
I undressed my soul
I put it right in front you
Just in its purest form
I let you see me,
See all my imperfections
I told you all my fears,
The secrets I hid inside,
I thought this is it,
This is what I had been looking for,
My soul was happy
And thought it had found "THE ONE"

Little did I know, it was only for the night
Just for that one night
So tell me who do I blame?
Blame you for setting up my hopes high
Or blame me for believing the truth like lie
Or should I just blame the night?
The night for lasting just awhile.......

When will this be over?
I m starting to lose my patience now
My eyes are already tired
from crying tears of blood
I don't hear my heart beating
Maybe, it is jaded too
My brain doesn't function anymore
It is haunted by the thoughts of you
I want this to be over already,
I want to be happy again.....
When will the Almighty pity on me?
When will he save me from me?

If God forgave my one sin,
I swear I would have killed you
I swear I want to
I swear I want to

For all the things you did to me,
For all the things I wish you did
No, I wasn't such a hateful person
You made me like this,
You made me like this

I don't feel a thing now...
What is pain? What is fear?
All I know is loneliness,
Loneliness eating me alive
That long never-ending nights,
Nights so dark and monstrous,
Nights so melancholy...

You destroyed all that I had left,
Now I m just a broken soul.
Oh, how much I want to hate you,
Oh, how much I wish you knew
But still, in this life, I can't
No, I can't hate you
No, I really can't

If God forgave my one sin,
Yes, I want to **** you...
Place a knife in your heart,
And check if you had one
But no, I wouldn't be able to do it
No, I can't.....

If I had a backspace in life,
I swear I would have stopped at hello
I wouldn't have gotten so close
I wouldn't have let you in
I don't know if it was a mistake,
I don't know if I should regret
I deleted the pictures, your number, your texts
But tell me, what do I do with these memories?
Tell me, how do I delete them?

Why did you awaken the love in me?
When you didn't have any intention to love me back..
Why did you make my heart flutter?
When you were going to break itanyway..
I know, I was a naive girl
To fall for your trick
I should have known
I should have known..
You were that demon disguised as an angel.
Candy to my eyes but poison to my soul..
Yeah, you poisoned me
And now, I cant breathe

what do I say when they ask me?
were you a friend?
were you a lover?
maybe just a painkiller
to soothe me for a while
yes, you told me all I needed to hear
you held my hands and looked into my eyes
you told me I am the most beautiful of all,
caressed my hair, and kissed my lips
a kiss like a magic spell

Now your effect is wearing off
making me feel all the things
it hurts so bad I cant tell
yes, you were my fantasy
My illusion, my fairytale
I lived my dream for a while
and now that I m wide awake
the illusion has faded
and the fairytale has ended

Dont try to get the answer of why
He doesn't owe you an explanation..
Yes, you showed him the best of you
But still you weren't good enough..
He doesn't know how you look..
With red eyes and messy hair..
He doesn't know how you look..
With all the stupid whining you do..
Yes, you showed him the best of you
But still you weren't good enough..
Maybe that's why you are feeling so low
So empty, so blue..