What will you do if you become the person you never wanted to be???

You have never seen the darker side of the moon..
You have only seen what I have let you  see...
You think you know me?
Oh poor boy, how do I break your phantasm?
You only know what I have let you know..
The truth is overshadowed..
I have sugarcoated my personality for you..
You think I deserve only reverence and admiration
But you are unaware of the nights I spent crying of guilt...
There are some deeds I have done that I m not proud of..
And maybe I dont want you to know..
Because if you know,
Things will be different...
You take me as an untroubled girl full of compassion..
But sometimes I wanna be emotionless...
You only think you know the real me
And perhaps I want  you to keep believing this lie
Because if you know the real me
You will leave me......

"Hey, Can we talk?"
A text popped in my phone
And I was surprised, not in a good way

3am, my bestfriend..
She certainly knows me in my most unadulterated form...
My anxieties, my fears, my frustrations...
3am, my bestfriend...
She is really good at keeping secrets..
For when I wake up in the morning, no body knows a thing
3am, my bestfriend
She sure is a good listener..
Listens to my sobbing, when I stuff cloth in my mouth to make sure I dont make any sound...
3am, my bestfriend
She is also a good counselor
Consoles me till my.heart is empty, till my eyes are dry...
3am, my bestfriend
I dont doubt her loyalty
I know she ll be there for me, every time the soul in me cries for help

I write everytime you cross my mind
I write everytime I miss you
I write everytime I cant talk to you
I write everytime I want to forget you
I write everytime I want to let go of you
I wonder if I ll ever stop writing

I am such a good actor
I can hide my feelings so well
I can make people around me believe
Believe that I am okay
That he doesn't matter to me anymore
That I dont miss him a bit
That I have moved on
That I dont care
While  the truth is something else
My eyes are wet right now while I m writing this poem
I miss him, god so much that I cant tell
Sure, I m seeing other guys
Flirting smoothly, making them fall for me..
Telling my friends I have too many options to choose
But deep deep down, something is still alive
Those feelings, they just wont go away
No matter how hard I try to ignore them
Lie to myself , that its over
I know that I ll never be over him

You know he was a drug,
A drug that made you forget everything,
A drug that created an amazing illusion,
A drug that made you believe your world is beautiful,
A drug that certainly made you high,
High on life, high on love
A drug that gave you the most sensual ******,
An ****** that made you scream out your lungs,
A drug that made you addicted to it,
Addicted to its smell, addicted to its touch....

But certainly the effect had to wear off one day,
Now you are feeling everything,
You are realizing everything,
You are so unhappy,
Your job is so unsatisfying,
You dont have a social life,
Your family is dissapointed on you,
You are feeling it all,
Everything at once,
Now you dont know what to do,
Coz you have run out of that drug,
You stand there alone with a question mark in your mind
Was the drug killing you?
Or was it saving you?