Aren't locusts found in the swamps

"Playing in the storm drain"

Ian out the gutters
I'm taking my loss

What in the **** is all this ****

I put myself out on the line here
Finding you not just dying
But gone

I don't ******* get it
   Why
What the fucj

Seems like the more I reach for help
The further it gets
The bigger my issues get
And further down the rabbit hole I stay

Why didn't I see
A womanizer is what you are
Beautiful words
From your split tounged mouth
Naive is me
For considering they may be true

Now im just saying
For me
Lifes always felt like a rollercoaster
Never some race
Somethings always fast pace
Yet never quiet your pace
Begging for nonexsitent closure
Always maintaining composure
Written in everyones face
Heres to maybe never finding my place
Perhaps i am my fate's owner

So crazy
How days seem
Colorless daisy
You aren't crazy
Ones perspective you see
Can be quiet hazy

***** wild
Am I just tired

Maybe i just have wrong thoughts
My mind hasn't been right for a while
Many demons I've fought
This journey to find my smile
Never ending trails
All these memories just sitting; filed


I remember the moment I was defiled

Corruption brought in a new found *****
And I'm just begging
Shut the ******* door

Your projections
Show me your direction

Im not like you
I no longer hate myself so much that dragging someone else is something i do
Which sadly is unlike you

I do pray you heal

Who needs wings when you have dreams

Im alone &
I lost my home
So im taking one shot to the dome

No one will call anyways

I rack it up
Hype myself up in the mirror
Hearts beating out of my chest
I lay down
Place my hands just right

    I'll take it all alone right
I push with everything
Its unhinged now
   All in the air now

Its too much
I feel it
I ****** up
Where's my ******* spotter
My elbows are gonna buckle

I just chuckle
Sometimes I forget
You don't get one in life
Come in alone
Go out alone

"Its hard to love someone who's so damaged.."


When this is said
You'll be expected to manage

Have you ever heard something that felt as if you were being branded?

I wonder if im just unloveable
                ..then again i wonder how anyone can care for something when they were never there
Never saw it... never heard you... how could someone care when they don't know...

Damaged...
Is that all i am..
Is that really all they can see...

Its hard to understand how things that were done to me by other is somehow my fault..how the way I survived my hell on earth is "hard" to love...

We are more than damaged.
And ******* it you are not hard to love.

A waste
What a ******* waste

All in a matter of time they say
Itll all pan out others say

But to be honest
It never really goes away

Sit
Hit
Kick
Pick
All can be ticks
My mind likes to play tricks
And thats why i gotta stay gone
A nomadic manic play
What a life to live they say

Drop to the floor
Feeling stabbed in the core
You are no more
No longer a physical embodiment
Of such a close friend
Youre the wind
You only wanted to escape your head
What a pitty it left not only you dead

The days may merge together
But youve made the best mushed together memories for me
"Might have wasted all his money
But he's never been a waste of time"

I miss that feeling of yelling "SHOT GUN"
and that adrenaline fueled race to the car

When things seemed to be so big

Sometimes
I think
God has accidents
And you being gone was just a sad accident
And one day we will wake up
And youll be there
Singing about some chick
Slobbing on your ****
While you dance around so freely

Nomadically
Motionless
Poetically
Awkwardly
Lonely
Happily
Sadly
­Soullessly
At least she didnt **** herself

A life without scars

Is only a night without stars

Im sensitive
I cry
I seem to **** up a good hunk of things
Im afraid ill die a hopeless romantic

I have ***** envy
Im ****** i cant walk into the gas station without being cat called
God forbid i dont respond
Then im a trash ***** right
******* hear me out
Im jealous i couldnt sit outside my hotel room without almost having to pepper spray this creep...

Im even more envious that everytime i reach out for help
Im left
Labled the black sheep

**** always being "poetically vaulable"
Who the **** says i cant just come to ramble

Im proud
My mind was able to see myself
When no one else wants too

You gotta be mean
Comment about the rhyme scheme
1,1,1
Then go on with a slick diss
Attempting to play judge of anothers
"Pooetical value"


Im out here losing my ******* mind
Pretending its all fine
Never learned where to draw the line
Maybe im stuck, a mental confine

One you could never survive

Refer i am absolute poetry in motion
My words do not always have to hold poetic value to whatever ******* elite ******* poetic ******* value decider reading my writes

I am allowed to write whatever speaks to this soul
Not yours
Your mental box and idea of true poetry is whats laughable
Its one thing to be a critic and another to be an arrogant *******.
You really arent that cool

I hope you knew
Before you let go
How much i love you

You're face still holds the memories
But your skin no longer holds the feelings

Out of control,
Yet obliged
To a role.
Im an aged soul.
Keeping these feelings caged...
I can only see in baige.
All these things..
Ya know,
I once had so many dreams.
But hey,
We all signed it,
unwillingly..
Some contract in life 
to a character you dont even like
Considering disassociation a nice mind hike
Who asked for this life
Where did i finally fall off
My mind got lost
And to what ******* cost

And who the **** discovered the circle of life

On my headstone
Quote me
       "She was a manic nomadic manifestation.
Absolute poetry in motion
   Begging for a notion"

A million times
  I wish you would have let me

Let me live blissfully
Within the ignorance
Of the walls ive built

You came with a vendetta
**** was a set up

Again
You ever asked yourself
Why doesnt she have friends?

When that weights gone
I promise you'll fly