I wonder how much a baby trusts itself to take their first steps

I'm sorry
I have a lot of baggage
♡
I am confident in appearance
And I'm content with my energy
♡
I simply struggle with the thoughts
Of being "too much"

I like to think
I'm just "too intouch"

In this life
I simply wish
Upon every dying star;
☆
To always stay within the classification
Of those
Who strive
,Maybe even thrive,
☆
To forever take my gentle time
To sniff the flowers;
Wild, self grown; any flower grown
☆
Even supposing our noses at blocked

It's how life goes
▪︎
Salvation or damnation
▪︎
I guess I made this commitment
to my own earthly damnation
▪︎
My soul aches for Death's imperishable touch of salvation
○●○
One or the other
Never inbetween
Isn't this how life goes
●○●

Scrambled

Maybe even a little rambled

Everything's in shambles

The world doesn't get to decide my mental state

The wisteria are back
~•~•~
They are my soul

I may not be a perfect mother
Or a good spouse

I may have helped in the destruction of our family.
But little baby I swear I'm only doing what I think is right.

I can't let our lives be the same as what mine was. I have to do better for you and your life.

I have never known a love like the one we share. You're my mini me and I am you. I promise ill always be there. Doing my best to be the best for you.

I'm sorry I didn't have it together for you from the start. I'm sorry this is what you were handed. And with my soul I swear to change that.

You are my whole world, my only safe place. My Serenity.

It's gone be alright
•••
Its all okay
•••
We all play the bad guy sometimes
•••
Just dry yo eyes
•••
Clear yo mind
•••
Take it one step at a time

I don't know if you even look at my page here anymore Stephen.

If you do though, I want you to see this.
I want you to know you'll always be a special person in my eyes.
I can never forget or break the bond we do share.

Things are different now. But please remember thats life, we change and so do situations.

I'll never disrespect you to anyone. I'll always have your back. And as long as I'm breathing you will never be alone. It's a big *** world and I know you feeling alone but sometimes you gotta walk by yourself to get back home.

I love you all my heart. Please hold it down and stay strong.  Your family is counting on you.

Maybe its feeling comfortable
I know you
Or at least i like to think i do
...
Maybe its the familiarity
To be honest
I cant figure it out
...
But what i do know
Ill smile when i see you pull up

Don't cry
Don't cave
Don't
Absolutely never
Become maniac
In their presence

The pressure is there
But fall apart when no one is looking
Have those thoughts while
No one is there to care

Care for yourself in those times
Take a shower
Wash it off

Most people seem to be able to cry
When in the shower

Their safe place i guess

But me

It doesnt come so easy
All the water everywhere and all
As if everything along with me
Drowning

My mania catches up
Something i hate having
I hate dealing with
I hate having to try to explain
To try to see understanding in others eyes

To see a future along side someone

Someone that can help me.

Can you feel

Do you hear

Its no longer ours

My dear

We all must learn how to deal

You have to heal

These things i do
Is how i survive the world they put me in

I wish to write
But my throat feels tight
Words never come out right
I lose sight
My mind is a constant fight