I have a tendency to
rely on magical thinking
To transcend
harsh realities

I must admit
I dream too much

I dream of spectacular wildflowers,
and loving with my whole heart
I dream of dancing on a full moon,
and embracing the unknown

I dream of both the impossible and
the possible
But to pursue the possible,
I would have to abandon my comfort zone

I am convinced
That if I were to live with integrity
And follow God's call
I would heal
And produce the fruits of God's Spirit

That will require
Turning away from distractions and sin,
To turn toward
A renewed life
Being reborn
And transformed
Into a new person

The question is:
Am I willing
To let go of this identity of mine
That I hold onto so tightly
But will be my demise?
Will I let go
To open myself up to
The reform God has for me?
Am I willing to trust?
Am I willing to let go and
Hand my life entirely over to God?

If I could love
the limping
ugly
afraid
part of me
That I drag through the mud
and thorns

If I could let
the transparent
clawing
screaming
silhouette speak
Instead of kicking it
into the basement

If I could put
my deepest human essence
onto paper
for everyone to see

Then.
Then, I could be free.

I want to be positive
I want to free my mind
I want to release my anxiety
Buried down deep down inside
I want to be optimistic
I want to have impossible dreams
I want to see the world from a different perspective
I want to believe that the world is not as bad as it seems
I want to succeed
I want to achieve
I want to be fearless
I want to be outgoing
I want to be outspoken
I want to break the barriers I place on myself wide open
I don't want to just fly
I want to soar
Pass limits that has never been reached before
I guess in all
I just want to live.

Alone with my own thoughts
Emptiness surround my mind
Hiding from loneliness
Fear suppressed deep inside .
I don’t want to be alone
Wrap in a ball of uneasiness
Caged by my own anxiety
I don’t want to be alone
It’s not fun here
There’s no light here
It’s depressing here
Where can I run so that my heart don’t feel abandoned and my mind won’t run free
And cause me to isolate every part of me
I’m lonely
Oh so very lonely
Help me.

Who am I ?
Who am I supposed to be ?
When I look in the mirror what I’m supposed to see ?
When I think about the future?
What am I supposed to dream ?
When I think about my journey ?
Where am I supposed to be ?

You were my only exception
You were my flawed perfection
You were the only one who captured my attention
You were my hopeless connection
You were my bad intentions
Your were my self reflection
You were my love selection
Now your just a painful lesson .

I get angry , I get upset
I get loud , Everything turn to a mess
He get angry , he gets upset
He starts leaving , Everything’s a mess ,
I felt like I wanted to choke him and now my hearts left wide open ,
The words we finally threw at each other has finally soak in and now the communication and respect has  been broken
We come together to reconcile
We’re upset and hurt by each other for a while
We forgive and move on because it’s for the best then once again our relationship is put to the test
What’s next
What’s wrong
Why our we stuck repeating the same songs
Aren’t we suppose to right each
other’s wrong and move along

We fall in this same pattern everyday ,We bring us closer to each other but somehow we manage to bothbpush each other so far away and stray from the path of moving forward
And move backwards
Forward then back
Forward then splat
Forward then attack
Forward than smash and everything broken ,
Were drowning in each other words that was spoken
and were choking ,
slowly falling into the sea of resentment but we always catch our breath and start a new .