But I am just a human girl with the desire to love and you felt more like love than anyone I had ever touched before.

I'm not sure long term romantic love exists and I'm not sure if I can put myself in the hands of passersby.

Here is my chance, to show myself, give the world a glance.
of what's behind this façade that I put on every day.
But truth is, I've always been afraid that when people look at me they would quickly look the other way.
I came from the bottom, I've worked my way up
that's not me bragging, things have run quite amuck
I'm ashamed of my past and I'm ashamed of the thoughts that come up when I'm alone.
The places I visit here inside my skull.
My feelings are such unruly little trouble makers.  I try to put on a mask and then pull away.  It's not that I don't want to be honest.  Though I know hiding the truth is a manipulation.
Truth is I want to be touched and reminded that I matter.
But what's the matter?
Like a little kid in need of attention? Love is a band aid for all the negativity that has been cloaking me without consent.
But truth is, I just need someone who will let me vent, who will listen without any judgement.
I run over the same thoughts what a bore.  These memories have become quite a chore but I faithfully put on this play every evening as I remember those moments that made me feel like life was okay a thing to be living.

The shadow hands still come for me.
But now I know I don't have to run.
I'll turn off the lights
Or step into the sun.

I won't be your side piece
A ***** little secret you keep hidden in
Your closet, like worn down shoes
I won't be walked all over by you.

No, I won't be some lie you tell to her, in the same breath you say I love you.
Sure I'm free to **** who I want but I won't be your "I ****** up".

I could tell myself that I made no promises and act like I am not part of the problem, but the reflection comes out quite clear, almost like holding up a mirror and I see
not just my own face, but all my excuses lingering on my lips where I would like to kiss...

You.
But what a foolish thing to do.
I know my worth.
And you are not worth it, not worth the deception and condemnation, not worth this pain and resignation.
But this is your fault!
and it is my job, to leave this, and walk away.

Our time has passed. We both know it, but we're clinging on to hope that things won't turn out between us like it did our parents. I don't want to be angry, I don't want to go to war, but I don't know ******* these feelings that spring up when you're with her.

We've got a little girl, sometimes I wish you cared more about her. I wish you cared enough about me, to give her the love she needs.

But that's why we are here. That and the fear of doing it all on our own. You think you can hide from me? It's her you adore.  I can feel it in your fingertips, I can taste it on your lips.

You're fooling yourself maybe, isn't it good enough that we can share a baby?
I don't want your scraps, your attachment when, your love lives fresh with someone new.

I touch you, but I don't feel you like I used to. I don't feel you like I could if there was any love between me and you.

Why couldn't you leave well enough alone? You've taken so much out of me, can't we just move on so we can get along ?
Living with you never played out how I wanted. Loving you has left a sick feeling in my stomach.

Please free me from these shackles. I don't want to be drawn back. This bond has to be completely severed. So I can live with you, as you're loving her.

I'm not always who I want to be, but I'm trying constantly.
I'm not the best at anything, but my heart is mostly pure or at least I wish it would be.