Watching my clothes
Drip from my skin
and slide down my bones
I realize the starvation
has worked too well
So now,
just how long
do I have left
before my face doesn't fit either?

and oh how the wind crashes and the waves hit her heart. they leave it cold and worn on the outside. yet in the inside she can keep a small fire going. she can stand and take all the abuse she has to and yet still remains positive. she can make rain clouds disappear but not her own storm. she is amazing and strong and the world keeps pushing down. she keeps her mind free yet filled with the worst. she looks for the light knowing she will only find darkness. she wants so deeply to see the truth and every time she sees whats there something fake is shoved down her throat.

oh the world is cold and hard. all like the mocking mirror she looks into. she looks for the smile and she finds the shadow. she looks for the life but yet finds empty space. her tears hit the floor and form a new surface for her to look at. that's where she can see the unkempt hate she had. the hate for the reflection she saw in the mocking mirror. no longer would see look at the space and see joy for all was on her level. She would then on look to the stars and the moon, for they are above her and they can shine in the darkness.

I know you wouldn't approve,
but I love this girl, you see.
She's a little rough around the edges
but shes filled with sugar and baked
to the ripe warm temperature of perfection
when shes in my arms.

But wait, I know...
I know I'm losing you at this point,
and you don't want to hear
a word I've said but wait, just
Wait.

Momma, I love this girl, you see
and its messed up and killing me...
Because, well, she doesnt know
how my heart howls at the moon
aching for her to be near me.

I want to give her everything.
Even if that's just the fragile mist of time
which drizzled through the cracks
of this shattered reality and broke apart against the rocky surface of the ever-playing nightmare.

Momma, I'm sorry...
I'm so sorry if you dont love me,
for the love I have for her.
But right now, I'm watching her
love someone else and Momma,
Momma, its killing your baby girl.

You still live inside my eyes
I see everything through you
At the end of the day I guess
That explains why I see the world
Crumbling to ash or
Bathing in blood

All along you were something
Not of this place
Physical or hyper-realistic
You were a tar pit I fell into
Now I deal with the ramifications
Mending my scorched flesh back together

Little girls fear the monsters
Hiding under their beds
Waiting in horror for the moment
It decides to strike
Rather, she should be waiting
For the daunting moment
nascent womanhood takes hold
And the monster under her bed
Becomes the man laying in bed
Next to her

You are the reason I fear I never
Give birth to a daughter
Your fingers reach far and dig deep
Souls like yours spawn from
The coldest flames
and the hottest anger
Therefore nearly eternal
Set forth to bring the end

When I think of the pain I felt
I try to think of all of the others
you will eventually trick
Much like what you did
to me
And I pick a religion
Then pray, and pray, and pray
And when I'm done
When I rise from my bruised and tired knees

I pick a new religion and I pray again
For all of those before me
And the ones to come after
I pray for the girls
Laying in bed and terrified of the things
All girls should be afraid of
Still ignorant to what men like you do
I pray they be preserved and find love
Only where love should be found
I pray for myself last,
because I have already survived you

But...do I ever pray for you?
In a moment of pride and strength
I will tell you I do-
in times of my weakness
I fall to my knees and I prayed
*You would be fixed

You can't destroy a monser
Without becoming one

I love you dearly
I truly do
But there is a darkness
In this heart of mine
It tells me
My love
Is not good enough

So yet,
I listen not to the voice
And give you all my love
However,
I will apologize
If it feels like I don't truly love you

Because you see
This love of mine
Is different from all the others

His music carried me
Each note drifted me farther
To new places and sights
Only the richest person could ever hope to see

Each pass of his fingers showed me a new light
Something different I knew
He had never shown anyone before
The music was no longer just a sound

It was living in the room with us
Showing us how to feel
Guiding us to the stars
Slowly melding our souls together

His eyes never met mine
But how could they?
He was already in his blissful place
I stood watching from the neighboring star

I envied the noise
For being so close to him
Knowing every inch of his heart
Like maybe I will some day

I am a hypocrite down to my core
So forgive me for trying to save you
When I never could save myself

Once again
Love prevails
And you are the proof of my victory

The odds are in my favor
But number are like stars
And they aren't always aligned

In your ash tray
Will remain long after
Evey other part of me has perished.

Is that you never blame yourself.

Becuase it wasn't your fault.

The path of self-destruction
Has never before
Tasted so bitter-sweet

Listen
Very close
It's rare the truth comes out
During the light of day
Or whispered in the shadows of night
So I beg you, listen
Look not at the clock,
But to your heart
Right now
Yes, this instant.

In this moment
You
Are
Perfect
You in this moment
Right now
Are exactly how you are supposed to be
All is happening how it should

Take comfort in knowing the world will turn
Now and forever
Always as it has
Even when you're not looking

So breathe easy
Rest soundly
You
Are perfect
Right now in this moment
Exactly how you're meant to be

She has bad idea
Written all over her smile

I cant wait
To kiss it off

The crimson liquid rolling
Rushing
Down your back and from your spine
Gushing
I see the blade you tried to hide
Thinking she was on your side

Its began to dry
-the vital sap
With her gone-
you've no handicap

But you left the blade embedded
Seems to her you're still debted
Yet you know you owe her not
For with her hands she gave you naught

With heavy heart I try to save
All along you've been so brave
Leave her be
-and come to me
My truth shall set you free

He strolled in with the badge he earned
Never for the man he was
But for the man he threw on the uniform to be
Pushing through failure until the bricks fall
Making way for the long life choice of training after heartbreak
and leaving to seek self-gratification
Not looking for the pieces of those broken when the bricks fell
March on without the fears of life or man
Forget not those who hurt him but remember to distance those he loved

I fall in love with the flowers before they even begin to bloom
Which is why watching them wilt before they blossom
Kills me the most

It must be against some
Law of Nature
For me to be happy
Since every opportunity I've ever had
Rots and decays in my hand

I'm bound to slip
Oops

Let me start by saying you

do

not

deserve

her love.

Nor do you deserve

my

body.

But we give you both anyway,
She because she loves you,
and me,
because I love her.

We were never in love
You wouldn't allow it
And even if I had fallen
You wouldn't have caught me
But oh dear God
How I could have fallen

I've been hiding forever
But no one has ever come to seek me out
That's not how the game is supposed to be played

Seeking attention
From any of those
Willing to give it

I'm starving for someone
To fill the bed with because
I'm cold and empty

The pain of the cancer gripping the lungs
Pulls the flesh from the face
-taking the mask with it
The beating creeps up behind the eyes
The disease expands until it bursts
-then the sound of the bullet
Ends alone in silence
Faceless

There is no sense,
or evidence,
that we should at all
call the world peaceful.

I saw The End today
We didn't to out in glory
No, it wasn't swinging either.
We fizzled away
Through little red lines
Floods of salt water rained down
Showering me in humility
You in shame
Tearing flesh
Tore us away

When it happened
I was sitting in the corner of a busy cafe
Reading- nothing really in particular
But the song is the important cue here.

I heard it at first
Distant and faint like butterfly wings
Then it grew louder
Blame it on the night
My eyes rose from the pages
Dont blame it on me
Faintly into my ears

It's sad really
I wanted to steady myself up
Push the book into the seat
and cross the room as our eyes locked
Until we were standing breaths apart

But when I looked up
I knew **** well you wouldn't be there
Why would you be?
And I wondered
As my mind still made the image of us dancing in the middle of this coffee shop seem more like a reality

Would we ever dance again?
Maybe some day, of course not now, but distant
Perhaps in different lifetimes
However; most likely never at all

This time,
it just feels better.
A friendship built
from trying to gather notes,
instead of shirt buttons.
And sliding into chairs
next to other another
instead of sliding hands
down jeans.
This time feels better,
because this time is healthy.
And real.

**** this place.

I let me fingers trace every crack
Within those bricks
Through these man made walls
Just to get closer to you
Because I wanted to be closer to you

Nothing is better than a cold drink
in a hot shower
Or that's what you used to tell me
Now the idea empties me
Like all the bottles which touched your lips
Does your drink still taste the same?

The hours with you immobilized my values
Something in the way you looked
-mostly at me
A longing in your glorious emeralds
Not just for touch
but maybe something more

As the sun rose over the clock
The image of my lips on yours
grew increasingly distant
Night is were we thrived
Day drove us apart
- in a way my heart couldn't handle
But I wished it could

For all of the special somethings
I did for my special someone
Who made me feel like no one

It was wrong to call you on your crap
Karma will do that soon enough

Tú ibas mi ángel
Pero
Tú eres el diablo ahora

How can you not see
That the love I have for you is real
You allow me
into your skin
and every inch of your body
And expect my hands to come back clean
and my heart to be whole

You allow me to touch his skin
Asking my heart to absorb
the love you have for him
But all you fail to see
Are all the little nothing's I feel

It kills me so
To watch you kiss him slow
Wishing silently each time
Those lips of his were mine

You're just a stupid boy
Pretending to be a man
Not realizing that first
You need to remove the protective film of ignorance
To see the image clearly
Until then,
you'll always be stuck here

If you spent less time
Fighting yourself
Maybe you'd actually
Be able to save someone else

But how can you stand on your own cape
As your hair catches fire
And tell the world it's fine?

Please be calm
Open the eye of the storm
To see the pain this brings

Settle now and let the sun rises again
I need the light to guide my poor soul
Help me off this wreck and to know
To know this mess of a sea within me

Remember all those times
You told me I was the one
Then it turned out
I wasn't the only one
But even now I guess
At least I'm not the lonely one

Kiss me
Under the wounded twilight

Take me
Under the bleeding starlight

Hate me
For the depleting moonlight

Leave me
Due to the judging sunlight

A boy once told me
You can't expect the one who hurt you
to be the same one who fixes you
And ****
Did I not want that to be the truth

You have to know
I'm letting you go

You weren't the one
But oh so much fun

I was sorry to tease you
And it never did please you

But oh well
After this spell

You wont even remember
My name

Ouija, ouija, ouija
Grab my heart and squeeze
Grip my neck and pull

Ouija, ouija, ouija
Shadows released into the wall
Horrors brought into this world

Ouija, ouija, ouija
I wasn't here
But now you see me

Some birds leave for the winter
It gets cold and they fly away
It's how they survive

But some of them
Fall in love
Before they go

They survive seasons and storms through
Just waiting until they can return
To their summer home and comforts

But as they fly back
On tired wings
Do you think they remember their love?

Because after this long winter between us
I don't recognize you

I see you crying
Counting every tear as it rolls down
and pools in the dirt

You say all these words
None of them string into a sentence
That I haven't already heard

Trembling-
your voice isn't the only thing shaking
But I'll say it anyway

It's true, crocodiles produce tears.
They can actually cry.

You looked at me confused.
Would you have given me
the same look
if you knew what I would say next?

But the tears aren't formed from remorse
or sadness
They're formed simply to clean out their eyes.
So as I watch you, I'm questioning,
How many crocodile tears your shedding now
-here, for me?

---

I felt it
In that last one
Those sparks on my lips
Those came from two hearts merging
A power so out if this world
The last time it was felt
Or even experienced
Was the Big Bang

I counted each and every set of headlights
Hoping they would add up to you