Walking up
Sober and alone
Reminds me
That the bed
Isn't the only thing
Cold and empty

I'm sorry
For my temporary
And situational
Uncouth behavior
In response
To the change
You ****** me into

I couldn't
Easily accept
The coming days
Of loneliness

But in that time
I reflected
On your hurt
And mine

I now realize
You were right
Life without you
Is better
For both of us

Sorry that I am
The only one of us
Who can truly be rid
Of you

Enjoy forever
Void of me
Lost within
Yourself

I'm growing tired
of sending you words
you'll never read
emotions- I don't feel

I really should stop sending them
I don't do this for me
or you

But the way we behave
breaks grandmother's heart
and I know this stamp is the closest
I'll ever be to you again

I keep going through your things
And I'll tell you why

First by saying- yes, I love you.
I mean it; I've meant it
Even after I said I didn't

lies
That's what we had left at the end
But once the layer of deceit was cleaved off
And the ugly truth was born
It was more than I could carry

Even still, in this unsettling love I have for you
Long after the truth has grown
To the ripe age of 18 years
And left the nest in my heart
I had built for it
-only so I could save my own sanity
sigh
...I digress:
I still feel the looming lies attempting
To play my heart strings like cords
Of the most out of tune harp

You say it's me
And only me
My foolish heart believes you
My body has already long forgiven you
Mind however; my mind has doubts
Mainly because no one would ever
Choose me
When there were obviously so many other
Her(s) to pick through

So I'll take your grain of love
And for right now
I'll choke it down between my spoonfuls
Of medicine
Salt
And soap

I'm sorry I go through your things still
It's wrong but its how I survive now
You can't be mad either because
Well, you made me this way.

I would say I got the last laugh
That I was able to rip you apart
But it seems the loneliness
Beat me to it

The Great Lord Becker
Dark as the blackest night yo
It's snowing on Mt. Fuji

I've never written a happy poem
I don't see how people can
How could you ever spill your highs?
Or rip open the tenderness of your heart?
How do you expose something so valued?

I write poems from the darkness
The cold, damp place form which I dwell
I hold my warmth close, I'd never let it out
I'd hate to expose myself, and the light within

I treasure my own, rare happy
I don't share what is mine, then it gets broken
And I am already broken and worn,
So why share the light I have left?

You're my ghost-
Or that's always how I speak of you.
Telling tales of how you haunt me
Over and over
Night again sending agony through me
Something lingers still-
Pulling me though the places of my mind
Leave me be
Set me free
Yearning to find love
In something other than the void you left beind
So, I'll beg you this once more
Let my soul go
Just like you had no problem with doing to my body

He said that "W" word yesterday
I'm still not sure what that was about
After endless torture sessions
Void of commitment
Last night his heart had a change
"Wife" was on list of words
His brain suddenly drew from
He not only wanted me
To be his winter blanket
Or his ephemeral spring flower
But his goddess
Throughout all the seasons
He wants me!
...he wants me ..
And that means every piece
And he loves...
...everything

I smoked enough
Of that cursed plant
To know that you
Are indeed the Devil

Slowly,
Day by day
I'm learning how to do everything all over again
Without you

From every nights hearbreak
To the next mornings hangover
I can't seem to stop loving you
And **** it hurts

The tears that roll
Because of you
Always taste the saltiest

I'm not the one who deserves another demon
But your crying eyes will haunt me eternally

Don't call him
He's not waiting for it anyway

Oops...
But those words never fixed anything

"In the end
It's you.
And, **** it,
It's always
just going to
be you.
So,
I'm simply
not going to fight it
anymore.
You're mine."

Baby,
I'm just a man
Lead by a candle
Trying to find my way to Heaven's gates
But look at you
The angel I've always wanted to find
Taking me straight to hell
How ironic
To find such beautiful wings are tainted
And cannot fly
Seems they were only made for falling

You said you fell out
Even as I was still falling in
But now staring down into the chasm
As you stand next to me still
I feel the void
Calling to you
Pulling you further from me

These honey feelings
You have me stuck in
Leave me breathless
And sticky
Things get jumbled together
Maybe things that shouldn't
And everything becomes
Foggy and hazy
This process continues
Until not even the bees
Want it back

I'd fill the space between moments with you
If only to get you back

You sit over there
And state
Almost like you love me

Something in your eyes
My demise
Almost like you hate me

If you’ve never seen
A sunset in reverse
Then I envy you.

You then
Have never watched the colors fade
And turn to black

Even as
You were promised the saving grace
Of the sunlight.

Never once
Were you betrayed in the
darnkness
By your own heart.

If you have never seen
A sunset in reverse
Then I beg you.

Please remeber
The beautiful vibrance of the light
Bask in the radiance

Even as
You doubt the night it happened
And pretend it didnt hurt

Never once
Let the struggle consume your being
And drag you back

If you've never
A sunset in reverse
Then you've already healed

Rest now baby girl
You'll need your strength
for when he tries again tomorrow

I'm ready to let Mother
Turn my toes to roots
And mend me back into the soil

My arms reaching for the warmth
And healing from the sun
To help me grow

I'll wait for the rain
To pour down on me
And wash all I do not need away

And he couldn't show me
How to find salvation
But in the silence
The only thing I came to believe
Was that my scars were more powerful
Than his idol anyway

While you prowl
In the dim moonlight
I pray you please
Please dont touch him.

He wont be able to resist you
And your boundless temptations
But you are more
You are capable of compassion

I cant bear to see
What you'll do to him
And what he will reciprocate
And how my heart will punish itself

Before I return them
I will drench all of your ****
In my best perfume
You remember,
The one you love most from our
Mhm, first time
So every time now after
You go to reach for it
It's like you'll be reaching for me
And a reminder of all the injustices
and sins you commuted against me

Let your heart rest easy
In the tender arms of moonlight
You'll be alright
At least for now

Please write
If not to me
Then for me

And I'm still falling
I'm still in love

Looks like after all this trouble
All these broken promises
Shattered and abused hearts
You were still my biggest mistake
Not for just what you did
But for believing I would be able to love you

I bet you think you're so cool
With your punk band
And little tattoos

You think you're getting with me
You have no idea
What's in store for you

I was going to quit
To be with you
But now I use this vice
To drown you out

-tell me I dont need it
-make me put it down
-sing me out of my sorrows
-catch all of my falling tears

I just need someone
To show me the love I'm missing
And give me a reason to stay

"I hope work wasn't too bad for you. I've been going through a lot and I'd like to explain things when you get home."

I got drunk
to cope
with my problems

I guess all I have been trying to say is:
This all hurt,
More than anything I have ever had to feel
But I hope she can love you
In all of the ways that I couldn't

Shes deadly and sharp
Yet loving and careful
Like nothing I've ever seen before
Or dreamed before
Because shes not like the books I read
Or the poems I write
Shes a force all her own

You never asked for a lot
But I'm bad at handling things
And I couldn't even give you the minimum

Cold
And coated in ice

Why is it hard to catch a cigarette?
Because its impossible
When you chase one
After another

I dont want to love you anymore
The fickle emotion
Is rotting my heart
And boiling my brain

The time I spent in his green eyes
Has me spinning
Drunk off the rush and beauty
I could feel them tenderly stripping away my passion
and silencing my conscience

My body aches still to be touched
Despite my heart's fear of desire
of one day beating
-only for him

After all,
the challenge was
to keep hearts out

I smirk knowing
I'm the twitch in your toes
I am the reason your legs cause earthquakes
Your gasping breath
Crying moans
Even those are me too
All of your pleasure
-Comes from me

The goal was to be loaded
With my pockets now bloated
All my old friends have noted
To something new I'm devoted

Look Honey,
I bet you're funny

You're oh so sweet
I felt your friction and the heat

But this has got to end
I'm not looking for just another friend

I want to kiss her endlessly
Beneath the stars
Embroidered on her belt

I long to fill her mouth
With the music
From my lips

If only for a day
I'd love to replenish her heart
With the warmth from mine

Perhaps even
Line her floor
With the colors of our clothes

Liquor doesnt always taste like honey
And without a job I have no money
All I do is drink when the sky ain't sunny
My life is ****- but to some that's funny

So let's let out a cheer
When we stare in the face of fear
And let's get it clear
That the end or maybe love is near

Life is crazy but maybe
Just maybe

If hes with me
He has the key

To unlock my heart
And this release will give me a fresh start

Because the way he feels is like addiction
But all this life gives me is fiction
When he speaks he has such good diction
And I dont even feel the friction