Remember all those years ago?
They warned us that all that time together wasn't good-
Was not healthy- but its not like we were on a diet
We drank in the warmth of each others company
And feasted on delightful conversation

Now, when you leave I know why we were warned
I put the weakest peaces of myself in you, hoping that
Maybe when you leave, I would only be stronger
All I did was tear myself apart

When you go my mind beings to decompose
You were all that kept it alive
My monsters creep out form the closet
Like every day is Halloween, but they're not after candy-
They're after me

My heart breaks down
I can feel the pieces fall into my gut
Those soft eyes kept it pumping
The lack of you is dangerous
All of me falls apat

Constantly and only when you're gone

I know why they said it wasn't healthy for us
Because you replaced all my other addictions
I cry and beat my head against the wall because I know
Nothing I could smoke would **** the lingering pain like you
Without you, I'm just a shell waiting to be filled again
....with anything

Which is why I do what I do-
When the distance is unbearable
Someone else offers to fill me with light
Sometimes I think it might be love
It never is, and I don't think it ever could have been
Love is the chemical my brain produces when my heart starts beating
Only ever reanimated and put back together by your gaze

Letting you walk away is a dangerous game
Time is the unbearable theashold
How long is too long before I become
More than just empty...too empty
Or too broken

It all sounds bad, I know, but that is not the case
I learned something while being entertained by others
You are all I ever need
I was emptied faster with them- they were not you
This distance is killing me, however, that is not a problem
Because you alone can bring me back to life



...never forget though, it still rains every moment you're gone

Skimming sensation
From anothers skin
Has hollowed me out
Made every last corner
Emptier than the whiskey
Because not even drinking
Fills the hole you left anymore

Is knowing that you'll be the one
To break my heart
For the last time

Theres nothing I can do
Or want to do
To stop you

I know my fate and the role you play
So I'm here to love you
Until the moment you destroy the last pieces of me

Perhaps I was wrong
Maybe on my own
I am not a complete person


Or


Maybe I had given
So much of myself to him
That I only feel complete around him
Because my body aches
For the return of those pieces

I've had you playing in my head
Playing on repeat for days
Like every other catchy song before you
I wish I was able to leave you in the past

Are things truly
better this way?

I miss the taste
Of the Lake
On my lovers longing lips

I miss the smell of the water
In his hair
As I run my fingers through it

I miss the sun
Reflecting off the crystal brown surface
In his eyes.

Through him
I guess
I still miss the Lake

These honey feelings
You have me stuck in
Leave me breathless
And sticky
Things get jumbled together
Maybe things that shouldn't
And everything becomes
Foggy and hazy
This process continues
Until not even the bees
Want it back

You can break a heart
But you can't taint my soul

With you I can keep my eyes open
And the dream still unfolds.
I don't have to waste time sleeping
Just to have you next to me.

I am in a place
That you can't comprehend
Because if you had ever been here
You would have never made it out

The hardest part is
Even after all this time
The torture and tears
Heartbreak and sorrow
I still love you
And there's still nothing I can do
To make you love me

Before my heart claims you
And my head regrets it in the morning

I hate you
Because you're the reason my mind races at night
But have I
ever made yours skip a beat?

He's not my lover
But I know the taste
Of his lips

I don't know how to say it to you.
...So,
I guess I just shouldn't,
right?

Your problem is
You can only see beauty when you're drunk
And I
Was beautiful always

Why does self-destruction
Yield self-gratification
regardless of how ephemeral?

The Lake
Rejected
Me
Even when
I thought
I was worthy

I wish you'd never read my words again
So I can tell my tales of hurt and heart break
Love, lust, and war
without fear of worry

I wish I could say I'm in love
But right now I'm not so sure
Not even about myself

I can tell how he's doing
Just by how he answers the phone

The sunset looks so much more
Brutal
Without you

The only problem
I have with my drinking
Is the problem you have
With my drinking habits

I'm ready to let Mother
Turn my toes to roots
And mend me back into the soil

My arms reaching for the warmth
And healing from the sun
To help me grow

I'll wait for the rain
To pour down on me
And wash all I do not need away

If not me,
then who?

Ice cold
lies told
To keep his heart beating

The way you hugged the bottle
Tighter than you ever held me
Allowed me to see fatherly love
For a toxin much stronger than myself
Something inanimate
That would take the pain away
Like my smile never did
I guess my love for you
Could never heal like the whiskey

I didn't ask to fall for you
But that didn't stop you
from catching me

The number one cause of being let down


Is hoping in the first place

Do I even know how to love?

Or better yet
Shut the **** up
And just kiss me

From the center of the moon
To the deepest part of the ocean
No...
The distance between stars
Millions of years away-
No...
The distance between the stings of my heart
And every other gap in between

I would do so many bad things
For that one good girl

Is it wrong
to burn souls
In order to save my own?

When it comes down to it,
humans will do anything
for self-prevalence
and survival

So,
does the arson make me evil?

Here I am
Naked in this bed
Alone
Feeling empty
Or is it the bed...
Who is empty
I don't know.
I stopped thinking
Too much about anything
After the clock on the wall
Began laughing at me.
I mean,
What time is it even?
How many hours have passed
Since you left?

-this shooting star shoots across the Sky
Like the tears rolling down my satin cheeks
An invisible corset tying itself around my chest
As if it couldn't also see the imperfections somewhere lower

My mind races at night
Because I know you're running
   -around with her

Look Honey,
I bet you're funny

You're oh so sweet
I felt your friction and the heat

But this has got to end
I'm not looking for just another friend

Rest now baby girl
You'll need your strength
for when he tries again tomorrow

I just can't do it
I can't stand
to hear your voice
and not feel your breath

When it comes down to it
I always thought you would be the one to cry over
But after all this time and no tears
I guess I had nothing to fear

I counted each and every set of headlights
Hoping they would add up to you

I bet you could frost me over
Even in the middle of summer

I want to push him down
into a pile of leaves
Laughing the way children do
I'd fall backwards and he'd catch me
Looking into his beautiful green eyes
resembling the still crisp evergreens
Oh, the trees would be jealous
But also proud-
for their leaves were not wasted
We would lay and watch
the world move on around us
Flowers wilting
Clouds fleeing
Snow eventually following
When its time to fall
into his arms once more
not wrapped in leaves
But in blankets of his love

This is a game.
I wouldn't lie to you,
it really is.
But don't think
for one ******* second
that I didn't come here to win.

Even now
I realize my life has fallen victim
To some sick metaphor

At this point I'm called
Not by my given name
But of that of a flower

Rose

And for me,
Many times,
Love has come and love has gone

And I burn for the things I have done
I am douced in the flames of infidelity
But I've seen the flowers burning

It's common,
When love dies,
To see the image of fire- set to the lovely petals  

roses

So then, why,
After love has left me yet again
Should I be surprised that I'm burning still?

For all of the special somethings
I did for my special someone
Who made me feel like no one

Onlookers!
Drift here.
Behold your eyes
For what you are about to see
If nothing short of fantasy.

You see a dazzling girl
Twirling around with her heart in a whirl
Lost in the stars
Little known, her heart lies behind bars
Now I know what you think-
And don't make a stink
But this illusion you see
Is a blurred reality

Ladies and Gents
Lend me your ears
Gather round close
For this next set of mirrors
With tricks more often than treats

Look at him smile
He drove all those miles,
Yet with nothing to say
His mind moving fast
Will his beating heart last?

He loves her so
But can't let her know
Oh no no
That wouldn't do
She hasn't a clue
Of just how lost he is
In the brokenness of her

You're my ghost-
Or that's always how I speak of you.
Telling tales of how you haunt me
Over and over
Night again sending agony through me
Something lingers still-
Pulling me though the places of my mind
Leave me be
Set me free
Yearning to find love
In something other than the void you left beind
So, I'll beg you this once more
Let my soul go
Just like you had no problem with doing to my body