I hate you
Because you're the reason my mind races at night
But have I
ever made yours skip a beat?

I wish I could say I'm in love
But right now I'm not so sure
Not even about myself

How many times
will I allow you
to empty my heart
before I realize
that I can't keep filling it with you?

I'm in desperate need of saving
But only worthy of being saved
When I beg for it first

Remember all those years ago?
They warned us that all that time together wasn't good-
Was not healthy- but its not like we were on a diet
We drank in the warmth of each others company
And feasted on delightful conversation

Now, when you leave I know why we were warned
I put the weakest peaces of myself in you, hoping that
Maybe when you leave, I would only be stronger
All I did was tear myself apart

When you go my mind beings to decompose
You were all that kept it alive
My monsters creep out form the closet
Like every day is Halloween, but they're not after candy-
They're after me

My heart breaks down
I can feel the pieces fall into my gut
Those soft eyes kept it pumping
The lack of you is dangerous
All of me falls apat

Constantly and only when you're gone

I know why they said it wasn't healthy for us
Because you replaced all my other addictions
I cry and beat my head against the wall because I know
Nothing I could smoke would **** the lingering pain like you
Without you, I'm just a shell waiting to be filled again
....with anything

Which is why I do what I do-
When the distance is unbearable
Someone else offers to fill me with light
Sometimes I think it might be love
It never is, and I don't think it ever could have been
Love is the chemical my brain produces when my heart starts beating
Only ever reanimated and put back together by your gaze

Letting you walk away is a dangerous game
Time is the unbearable theashold
How long is too long before I become
More than just empty...too empty
Or too broken

It all sounds bad, I know, but that is not the case
I learned something while being entertained by others
You are all I ever need
I was emptied faster with them- they were not you
This distance is killing me, however, that is not a problem
Because you alone can bring me back to life



...never forget though, it still rains every moment you're gone

I miss you like the sun misses the moon:
Each day
And every night.

You can break a heart
But you can't taint my soul

This time,
it just feels better.
A friendship built
from trying to gather notes,
instead of shirt buttons.
And sliding into chairs
next to other another
instead of sliding hands
down jeans.
This time feels better,
because this time is healthy.
And real.

He makes me feel warmer
Than the whiskey as it goes down

I miss the taste
Of the Lake
On my lovers longing lips

I miss the smell of the water
In his hair
As I run my fingers through it

I miss the sun
Reflecting off the crystal brown surface
In his eyes.

Through him
I guess
I still miss the Lake

Or better yet
Shut the **** up
And just kiss me

X

Maybe he's not you
And maybe I'll always miss you
But he will truly show me
What exactly I have missed out on
And he will take care of me
After you finish breaking my heart
I know he will pick up the pieces
And fill the missing gaps
With pieces of his own

Seeking attention
From any of those
Willing to give it

My words could never be
As beautiful as her soul
Or complete as her person

These honey feelings
You have me stuck in
Leave me breathless
And sticky
Things get jumbled together
Maybe things that shouldn't
And everything becomes
Foggy and hazy
This process continues
Until not even the bees
Want it back

Before my heart claims you
And my head regrets it in the morning

Why is it so toxic
To love myself?

The number one cause of being let down


Is hoping in the first place

If not me,
then who?

I can tell how he's doing
Just by how he answers the phone

The words you give me
Taste sweeter than honey

With you I can keep my eyes open
And the dream still unfolds.
I don't have to waste time sleeping
Just to have you next to me.

He's not my lover
But I know the taste
Of his lips

My greatest fear
is that I'm going nowhere
too **** fast

Skimming sensation
From anothers skin
Has hollowed me out
Made every last corner
Emptier than the whiskey
Because not even drinking
Fills the hole you left anymore

I'm ready to let Mother
Turn my toes to roots
And mend me back into the soil

My arms reaching for the warmth
And healing from the sun
To help me grow

I'll wait for the rain
To pour down on me
And wash all I do not need away

My mind races at night
Because I know you're running
   -around with her

I don't know where
Or when
I expect to see you
Again

All I know is that last time
Couldn't really be the last time
Could it?

The way you hugged the bottle
Tighter than you ever held me
Allowed me to see fatherly love
For a toxin much stronger than myself
Something inanimate
That would take the pain away
Like my smile never did
I guess my love for you
Could never heal like the whiskey

You're my ghost-
Or that's always how I speak of you.
Telling tales of how you haunt me
Over and over
Night again sending agony through me
Something lingers still-
Pulling me though the places of my mind
Leave me be
Set me free
Yearning to find love
In something other than the void you left beind
So, I'll beg you this once more
Let my soul go
Just like you had no problem with doing to my body

If I drink enough
Maybe I'll find you
At the bottom of this ******* bottle

Why is it,
that you have to make me
ask that question in the first place?

Roses are red
Thier petals are hot
I made it clear that I love you
But you did not

I don't know how to say it to you.
...So,
I guess I just shouldn't,
right?

Ice cold
lies told
To keep his heart beating

When it comes down to it
I always thought you would be the one to cry over
But after all this time and no tears
I guess I had nothing to fear

The sunset looks so much more
Brutal
Without you

Tú ibas mi ángel
Pero
Tú eres el diablo ahora

Rest now baby girl
You'll need your strength
for when he tries again tomorrow

I didn't ask to fall for you
But that didn't stop you
from catching me

From the center of the moon
To the deepest part of the ocean
No...
The distance between stars
Millions of years away-
No...
The distance between the stings of my heart
And every other gap in between

The tears that roll
Because of you
Always taste the saltiest

I wish you'd never read my words again
So I can tell my tales of hurt and heart break
Love, lust, and war
without fear of worry

Are things truly
better this way?

I just can't do it
I can't stand
to hear your voice
and not feel your breath

Why does self-destruction
Yield self-gratification
regardless of how ephemeral?

This is a game.
I wouldn't lie to you,
it really is.
But don't think
for one ******* second
that I didn't come here to win.

The Lake
Rejected
Me
Even when
I thought
I was worthy

The hardest part is
Even after all this time
The torture and tears
Heartbreak and sorrow
I still love you
And there's still nothing I can do
To make you love me