The way his smile carries me is delightful
His personality is intoxicating and heavy
My heart bleeds for him
We are close, but in no other way than the soul
Which in its purest form,
Is nothing more than every essential piece of a being

If he were a color, his body parts would be all different
Such a profound concept
Wrapped up into flesh and bone
Its almost hard to believe- in a human mindset
The universe delivered him to me
To guide me to where I need to be

Thank you,
          You know who you are,
and I love you, in a certain way, for all you are.

How many lies
can I manage to tell
before my tongue abandons me?

He said that "W" word yesterday
I'm still not sure what that was about
After endless torture sessions
Void of commitment
Last night his heart had a change
"Wife" was on list of words
His brain suddenly drew from
He not only wanted me
To be his winter blanket
Or his ephemeral spring flower
But his goddess
Throughout all the seasons
He wants me!
...he wants me ..
And that means every piece
And he loves...
...everything

The water calls to me
No, not to me
But to my weakness
However, I am not weak
And the water
Cannot
Have me

For a woman from Hell

You can only torment a soul for so long
Before it rejects you as its master.

This lake sings to me
Saving me from the depths
Of the other waters before it

I never thought
you ever fought for me
Until now
as I see you still on the field
Fighting a war
that someone else already won

Maybe things
Are moving kind of fast
But maybe
That's because
The universe finally thinks we're ready

Soup soup soup you make my heart go bloop
bloop bloop bloop drop a ******* in my soup

Tú eres mi mundo
y lo más importante para mi

How,
after all this time
and the scattered promises
mainly to myself,
am I still becoming my father?

Everything hurts so much
And I know that pain
Is around every corner

And I'm trying not to be selfish
I'm trying so hard
To stay here for them

But what's the point in staying
If I'll never get better
Or be the person they deserve

Here I go again
Waiting for my player two
To join in this game
that I have no chance of winning

the whisper of the leaves kisse my ears
like lovers lips that anoint my cheek

eyes closed
heart open

   but just like the breeze
I can no longer feel your touch

I'm not an alcoholic
I just find comfort
In all the wrong bottles

Just like I learn to love those
Who feign comfort for falseness
In all the same places

I want to say we're post-modern
Like in literature we're new styles
And we test the bounds of the rules

But we're not post-modern
There's one central idea to be denied
That is:

there is nothing left to be created

Maybe for literature that's tire
But not us, no
We create new love
Every day
And with each kiss

How can you not see
That the love I have for you is real
You allow me
into your skin
and every inch of your body
And expect my hands to come back clean
and my heart to be whole

You allow me to touch his skin
Asking my heart to absorb
the love you have for him
But all you fail to see
Are all the little nothing's I feel

It kills me so
To watch you kiss him slow
Wishing silently each time
Those lips of his were mine

I missed out on too much
While missing you
I miss it all
Shame you're missing yourself
And now you've missed me for good

The odds are in my favor
But number are like stars
And they aren't always aligned

You're just a stupid boy
Pretending to be a man
Not realizing that first
You need to remove the protective film of ignorance
To see the image clearly
Until then,
you'll always be stuck here

I keep going through your things
And I'll tell you why

First by saying- yes, I love you.
I mean it; I've meant it
Even after I said I didn't

lies
That's what we had left at the end
But once the layer of deceit was cleaved off
And the ugly truth was born
It was more than I could carry

Even still, in this unsettling love I have for you
Long after the truth has grown
To the ripe age of 18 years
And left the nest in my heart
I had built for it
-only so I could save my own sanity
sigh
...I digress:
I still feel the looming lies attempting
To play my heart strings like cords
Of the most out of tune harp

You say it's me
And only me
My foolish heart believes you
My body has already long forgiven you
Mind however; my mind has doubts
Mainly because no one would ever
Choose me
When there were obviously so many other
Her(s) to pick through

So I'll take your grain of love
And for right now
I'll choke it down between my spoonfuls
Of medicine
Salt
And soap

I'm sorry I go through your things still
It's wrong but its how I survive now
You can't be mad either because
Well, you made me this way.

You loved him so true
All he did was make do

Because where your love was a fountain
His was a mountain

Strong and tall, but unmoving
Never improving

In this kingdom you are the queen
Grace and beauty is all to be seen

Let this distance bring you solace
Use this time to remember you're flawless

And he couldn't show me
How to find salvation
But in the silence
The only thing I came to believe
Was that my scars were more powerful
Than his idol anyway

Is this really
all I have to give?

Why does he feel
the compulsive need
to compare himself to me
and believes himself to be under me?

I can feel the storm rolling in
My aching joints tell me it's time
To seek shelter beneath warm blankets
Waiting for the rains to fall from my eyes
And wash away the pains of this body
Mind
Emotions
And soul

Before I return them
I will drench all of your ****
In my best perfume
You remember,
The one you love most from our
Mhm, first time
So every time now after
You go to reach for it
It's like you'll be reaching for me
And a reminder of all the injustices
and sins you commuted against me

I want to live in these moments of misery with you forever
Because they're the only things we have left

I said it would take months
looks like it only took moments

Is something grown in trust
And nurtured in integrity
Not something you can just assume
Because you see your partner
Holding it all

You still live inside my eyes
I see everything through you
At the end of the day I guess
That explains why I see the world
Crumbling to ash or
Bathing in blood

All along you were something
Not of this place
Physical or hyper-realistic
You were a tar pit I fell into
Now I deal with the ramifications
Mending my scorched flesh back together

Little girls fear the monsters
Hiding under their beds
Waiting in horror for the moment
It decides to strike
Rather, she should be waiting
For the daunting moment
nascent womanhood takes hold
And the monster under her bed
Becomes the man laying in bed
Next to her

You are the reason I fear I never
Give birth to a daughter
Your fingers reach far and dig deep
Souls like yours spawn from
The coldest flames
and the hottest anger
Therefore nearly eternal
Set forth to bring the end

When I think of the pain I felt
I try to think of all of the others
you will eventually trick
Much like what you did
to me
And I pick a religion
Then pray, and pray, and pray
And when I'm done
When I rise from my bruised and tired knees

I pick a new religion and I pray again
For all of those before me
And the ones to come after
I pray for the girls
Laying in bed and terrified of the things
All girls should be afraid of
Still ignorant to what men like you do
I pray they be preserved and find love
Only where love should be found
I pray for myself last,
because I have already survived you

But...do I ever pray for you?
In a moment of pride and strength
I will tell you I do-
in times of my weakness
I fall to my knees and I prayed
*You would be fixed

We leave the room smelling like ***
But when you leave
It wreaks of depression.

Its messy
And perfect

Complicated
And easy

Intricate
And simple

Peaceful
And painful

...Oh god
And it can be excruciating

But we're in love
And I'll brave anything

His hands aren't as rough
And his fingers aren't as long
Your lips are softer
And you always tasted sweeter

He'll never hold me as tight
His arms aren't as strong
He's warmer than you in the night
But doesn't call for me like you did

He's never going to be you
And that's hard
I'm never going to get you back
And that's the hardest pill to swallow

I'm honestly searching for something
It doesn't have to be serious
But it needs to be genuine

This is me leaving you
Before I destroy you too

Hes the one you want at your side
Because hes the one that has your back

"What are you looking at, when you get lost in my eyes?"
He had no response so I began again
"In yours I see the storm,
I can see all the ways you hate yourself
And all the ways you rip and pull apart
All of your insecurities
But I also see the calm, and I feel the warmth
Coming from the sand under my feet
As I wait on the beach, in the eye of the storm.
Even through the chaos, in your eyes, I feel comfort and calm"
Then the storm came
and I kissed every drop off his cheeks

I dropped it and let him drift off
in my arms
He thought he got off free, but
I know when his eyes are closed
is when he's vulnerable and honest
And I asked again, with clouds over his mind
And his answer:
"Home"
The faintest mumble of a sleeping hero
Stopped my heart
"Your eyes bring me home"

That's what happens when you're unfaithful
Everyone finds out eventually
and rarely wants to hear the excuse
Because there just isn't one

Will these feet of mine
get tired of carrying
this excuse of a soul?

The rush of having those stunning emeralds
Piercing down to the core
Everything inside beats faster
But the world around spins no different
Does it not know what is about to happen?

The fading green gems growing closer
It's going to happen
But where is the title wave?
The rush is gone and turns to heat
Scorching deserts of embarrassment flourish
Cactus needles fill the gaps in time

Looks like it's not this time
But maybe some time soon

...or at least I hope

He chose me
Something about me
In his eyes
Lead him back

Even despite the fact
That I wasnt wanted by the Lake
I was thrown from the water
It didn't love me

But he does
He truly, truly does.
Who needs the Lake,
When I can swim in his love forever?

Night after night
Of crying in agony
because of you
Now I spend my precious tears
Giving them to the moon
and wishing for you back

Baby,
I'm just a man
Lead by a candle
Trying to find my way to Heaven's gates
But look at you
The angel I've always wanted to find
Taking me straight to hell
How ironic
To find such beautiful wings are tainted
And cannot fly
Seems they were only made for falling

It rejected me
The lake
It truly did

My soul had never been so devastated
I jumped once more
Deep off the dock
To the very bottom

I let my body go limp
take me
I preached
But no
Not yet I guess


My body rose
Like a hot hair balloon
Crashing not to the sky
But to the surface of the water

And my lungs re-inflated
With the hatred of this world
I pushed myself back under
Breathing in the precious liquid
Brown in color

But no,
not yet
Not me.
For I am
Not worthy
Of The Lake

Soon you'll learn
That time is no different than space

Last night I slept for the first night in weeks
The bottle sang me the lullaby
You never could

Does it make me evil
To love him
More than myself?

While you prowl
In the dim moonlight
I pray you please
Please dont touch him.

He wont be able to resist you
And your boundless temptations
But you are more
You are capable of compassion

I cant bear to see
What you'll do to him
And what he will reciprocate
And how my heart will punish itself