The whiskey is not as sweet
When you're not around

Some birds leave for the winter
It gets cold and they fly away
It's how they survive

But some of them
Fall in love
Before they go

They survive seasons and storms through
Just waiting until they can return
To their summer home and comforts

But as they fly back
On tired wings
Do you think they remember their love?

Because after this long winter between us
I don't recognize you

There is no sense,
or evidence,
that we should at all
call the world peaceful.

Why is it hard to catch a cigarette?
Because its impossible
When you chase one
After another

Trying to write this to you now is nearly impossible.
The pen becomes so heavy in my hand it makes my fingers ache.
Every word etched into the paper
feels like another bout of blasphemy nailed to our hearts.
If only love was as easy as faking smiles in passing glances.

I could hear you talking in your sleep
Your lips quivered as you whispered those words
My ear perked up and my legs began to quake
What was it you said?
Say it again, louder for me?
But where your lips failed to speak
Your heart recited the lines
With each trace of my fingers over your skin your heart screamed
And I knew it was screaming for me

I'm sorry that it ends this way
I just had to leave
Before we boil in sin
My heart cannot be conflicted
By one raw material and
From things not of this world
Running as my feet blister
Only to keep them from melting

Being ripped open
Again and again
Over and over
Can sometimes
Be the only way to heal

Gleaming while melting
Slowly dying, but with grace
To melt is to move on
It is to become something new
A time for change
Much like the sun rising
Each morning the same result
Yet the colors continue
to dance a different dance
       -So will you

It was wrong to call you on your crap
Karma will do that soon enough

Her hands melted right into mine
The perfect fit, one of a kind
I was gifted the words in which to speak
The flavored sentences to make her weak
Too perfect to exist, God had made her
Lust had consumed me, Satan her sender
But lust had to be my least worry
When my heart departed in a hurry
It leaped right into her sweet soft eyes
Without any warrant or comprimise
When the hell will I come to realize
My heart wishes for my own demise
But yet another chance I give, to my own
Surprise

Love is a chemical reaction
Its the rush of things mixing in the brain
The sweaty palms and achy legs
Nights filled with lengthy texts
Leading up to the risky three words:
"I love you"

Lust in a physical desire
Its the rush of rolling in another's sheets
The sweaty bodies and shaky limbs
Nights filled with screams of desire
Leading up to the routine phrase:
"Let's ****"

I know I'm late
For 11:11
But I wish
You'd come back home

What the ****
Am I to do
When everything
Comes back to you?

You leave me beaten
Like you do
Always my heart aching
Black and blue

The only time he holds my hand
Is after he ***** me until I can't tell
Where one inch of flesh meets another
The numb feeling of knowing I'm being held
Without knowing where
As hot flesh melds together-
It's not as if it mattered anyway

Please be calm
Open the eye of the storm
To see the pain this brings

Settle now and let the sun rises again
I need the light to guide my poor soul
Help me off this wreck and to know
To know this mess of a sea within me

He pulls me in close to his heart as he sleeps because I know
He craves the sensation of my skin pressed against his own
Yet little be known I crave it worse than he does but my lips will remained sealed to protect those hearts

Sometimes I let my mind wonder
And it can be dangerous
Because in a world so horrid
It's all too easy
To get lost in a world in my mind
A world
Which does not exist

"I never did." he said as he walked away forever.

The goal was to be loaded
With my pockets now bloated
All my old friends have noted
To something new I'm devoted

I'm bound to slip
Oops

As for demons and devils
Keep them
I have my own

It's something you got
From a fickle girl

Just an apology
Not common of her character

The words you never heard before
Out of the blue

As the sun kissed my cheeks,
I being to ask myself,
am I worthy?

I will give you my hand
Listen to your demands
Only in these second hand moments
I'm yours
My hand in these times doesn't guarantee
Forever
Only for as long as God and other like him
Can bare to watch
Before even they must turn away
From this less than graceful act
That we will forever give our hands to
During those makeshift meetings

The taste of stale cigarettes
On her lips
Mixing with the stinging cherry
On my own
Is a flavor I'll probably never forget
Or trade for the world

When you live your life through a sober lens
you have to open up your heart to all the hurt
and the hardships
that are going to come with it
but when you open up your heart it leads
to great things
you can feel love and joy and you can have
the help and the company of all those around you
Living life for the sober soul is more than just living to feel pain
it's living so you can feel all of the great things
that come along with being alive.
And if you can't open your heart
to even those piercing feelings
how do you expect to feel anything ever again?

Writing in prose
allows me to freely say
*******
without needing to rhyme
or sugar coat it in metaphors
until the point gets lost in imagery

I feel like all of my dreams
Random as they may be
Are trying to tell me something
They all want to circle back
And connect in some cryptic way
I'm terrified to death becuase
What if
Every dream is actually a nightmare
And what if all these nightmares
Take me back to you?

Every tree needs leaves
So allow me to shade you

Of course I love you
But love is not as consuming
As pleasure.
I need that pleasure
To continue to love.
And if I cant get it from you
I'll just have to take it form him.
Nothing will please me more
Than him rolling in my innocence
And tearing my flesh apart.
All while knowing
You're none the wiser

Is that you never blame yourself.

Becuase it wasn't your fault.

I should probably stop drinking
And probably soon

I should probably stop myself
From drowning in a bottle by moonlight

If I were wise
I probably would

The troubles of being the plague
Come with only finding love
From lepers
Who can only be cured in death

You were supposed to be
my hero.
So then tell my why
in the face of the fire and flames
you left me to perish alone.

There are no words to describe a spirt
They are not if this world
Therefore words of this world
Do not do such spirits justice

I know this only after his spirt touched me
Right there in the smallest of moments
It happened in the space between seconds
Only as the Earth stopted in the breath before the blink

The strength of his gaze
The energy behind those twinkling gems
If only he knew the power he held
What actually lived on within himself

His spirt was something profound
It is a shame really that I have no other Earthly words
To describe this heavenly warrior
Who's own passion he has yet to fully realize

Remember when we would
fight so hard to be happy
Now its like
we don't know the meaning anymore

But you can save me

I want to give all my love away
And have it circled back
So then why shouldn't it
Be you?

Your name
Is so blood thirsty now
It can no longer
Cross the threshold of my lips

I am so madly in love with you
Are you enjoying the show?
Watching as the madness destroys me

What is love
If not many?

When consoling people
Most try to be soothing
Not accusing

I hear you
You speak in nascent flowers
But breathe out raw sewage
Your to tongue writhes with lies
While your heart suffocates
Soon silence will be left to flourish
Then my ears will no longer bleed
When I have to hear you

You are the most I have ever met
I have never been so caught in a soul
So may doors to enter
Though which the one I opened
Has taught me to see
What I could be
And how your life is closer to mine than anything before
You are perfection
Only because you are all that I wish to be
After opening this door
I could see that you are I
And I am me

Some people sit there
and just make excuses.
But not me.
No, not anymore.
I'm not making any more excuses.
I'm making progress
and I refuse to stop growing.

Even quitting cigarettes
Was easier than quitting you