I didn't need you
To tell me
To have fun tonight
But even so
I did

Can someone
Who drinks this much
Still be considered a person?

How,
after all this time
and the scattered promises
mainly to myself,
am I still becoming my father?

The liquor kicks in
so much faster
when it rises though my veins
with the morning sun

Are you going to be
the next face to haunt me in my nightmare?

What made her
so much better than me
that even in the end
the bitter moments before the storm
that you still chose her?

I can't mend this broken heart.
So then,
who is going to?

Why is it,
that you have to make me
ask that question in the first place?

Why does the bottle
taste sweeter in the morning?

Maybe he's not you
And maybe I'll always miss you
But he will truly show me
What exactly I have missed out on
And he will take care of me
After you finish breaking my heart
I know he will pick up the pieces
And fill the missing gaps
With pieces of his own

But tonight
He will soothe my aching heart

I'm not an alcoholic
I just find comfort
In all the wrong bottles

Just like I learn to love those
Who feign comfort for falseness
In all the same places

From every nights hearbreak
To the next mornings hangover
I can't seem to stop loving you
And **** it hurts

You said you fell out
Even as I was still falling in
But now staring down into the chasm
As you stand next to me still
I feel the void
Calling to you
Pulling you further from me

You can break a heart
But you can't taint my soul

Trying to survive you
Will be what kills me

I miss you like the sun misses the moon:
Each day
And every night.

If only it was as easy
As trading glasses
To allow you to see all I do
Maybe then
You'd see how I love you

It must be against some
Law of Nature
For me to be happy
Since every opportunity I've ever had
Rots and decays in my hand

Last night I slept for the first night in weeks
The bottle sang me the lullaby
You never could

Is something grown in trust
And nurtured in integrity
Not something you can just assume
Because you see your partner
Holding it all

Let me feel that freedom
That you feel
When you choose her
Over me

I can feel the storm rolling in
My aching joints tell me it's time
To seek shelter beneath warm blankets
Waiting for the rains to fall from my eyes
And wash away the pains of this body
Mind
Emotions
And soul

The only thing worthy of release
Is the air from my lungs
As it wades through the water
Crashing up to the surface
Gaining the freedom
I so desperately crave
While I remain below the sky's reflectant

It was in that moment
While lights were dim
and the temperature rising
That losing myself
To retain you
Became too much to bare

I'm honestly searching for something
It doesn't have to be serious
But it needs to be genuine

We leave the room smelling like ***
But when you leave
It wreaks of depression.

My soul is on fire
Burning for all the sins
My body committed

I'm in desperate need of saving
But only worthy of being saved
When I beg for it first

You fight for everything so hard
Except me

I counted each and every set of headlights
Hoping they would add up to you

Your legacy
Will be a new set of scars

Now comes the time
When I full the void
With little red lines

I ran across our messages today
****- reading your name haunts me
Seeing the image of your face
Shatters my heart
Knowing I loved you completely
As you waited to tear me apart
If only forgetting you was for me
As was as killing me was for you

I seek out those
Who look like you
Because I want to find you
In everything

Knowing all too well
That those little similarities
Will never actually amount to all of you

Let me start by saying you

do

not

deserve

her love.

Nor do you deserve

my

body.

But we give you both anyway,
She because she loves you,
and me,
because I love her.

How can you not see
That the love I have for you is real
You allow me
into your skin
and every inch of your body
And expect my hands to come back clean
and my heart to be whole

You allow me to touch his skin
Asking my heart to absorb
the love you have for him
But all you fail to see
Are all the little nothing's I feel

It kills me so
To watch you kiss him slow
Wishing silently each time
Those lips of his were mine

Is this really
all I have to give?

the whisper of the leaves kisse my ears
like lovers lips that anoint my cheek

eyes closed
heart open

   but just like the breeze
I can no longer feel your touch

-this shooting star shoots across the Sky
Like the tears rolling down my satin cheeks
An invisible corset tying itself around my chest
As if it couldn't also see the imperfections somewhere lower

Soup soup soup you make my heart go bloop
bloop bloop bloop drop a ******* in my soup

How many lies
can I manage to tell
before my tongue abandons me?

Will these feet of mine
get tired of carrying
this excuse of a soul?

Why does he feel
the compulsive need
to compare himself to me
and believes himself to be under me?

Are things truly
better this way?

If not me,
then who?

Why does self-destruction
Yield self-gratification
regardless of how ephemeral?

Why is it so toxic
To love myself?

It became
All too real
Excitement
Passion
Grace
But so did the
Fear and
Loss

But not hope
It will be the light
To guide me back
Into your arms

Ice cold
lies told
To keep his heart beating