I was starving when I met you
Ready to devour every last morsel
of admiration and affection
Tossed in my direction
No crum too little

But I've had my fill
I've gorged on lust
Grown boated on tasteless compliments
Become lethargic with pleasantries

I've relished dining off your silver platter
Served only for me
With satiety attained I'll leave this place
Until the hunger strikes again

I bet you think you're so cool
With your punk band
And little tattoos

You think you're getting with me
You have no idea
What's in store for you

You feel like a life time ago

Your wife must be lonely
With all the time you spend
Away from her
Wishing you had me

Do you read my words here
That I wrote for you
And only you?


And in those moments
Do you think of me
And only me?

Searching for a love
that will guide my hands
and calm my spirit

Love so pure
it ignites my soul
and challenges preconceived notions

Pure and intoxicating
distilled to be set alight
and never burn out

I want to call you
While you're sleeping
And fill your voicemail
With love notes

It's just another day
Under the Sun
Which is a good problem

I have to show up
As who I am

I can't show up
As someone else

And expect to be loved
For me

I'm sorry
For my temporary
And situational
Uncouth behavior
In response
To the change
You ****** me into

I couldn't
Easily accept
The coming days
Of loneliness

But in that time
I reflected
On your hurt
And mine

I now realize
You were right
Life without you
Is better
For both of us

Sorry that I am
The only one of us
Who can truly be rid
Of you

Enjoy forever
Void of me
Lost within
Yourself

I am never going to find in you
What I need to be searching for
Within myself

What in Hell
Or Earth
Did I do
To deserve you?

Speak as you wish
But I'll believe as I may

You simply don't comprehend
The mountains I would have moved
The rivers I would have parted
Chaos I could have calmed
Or created
The tides I'd shift
Or the cards I'd fold
But I guess none of that matters now
Or ever
If it even did at all

Look
I get it
And I wish you well
But truly I wish
We could have both been well

"I hope work wasn't too bad for you. I've been going through a lot and I'd like to explain things when you get home."

Yours will come for you
In the middle of the night
Dead asleep
It'll grip your chest like a heart attack
Just a breath away from salvation
That will never arrive
Or inflate your lungs
Your mind will race with thoughts of death
And me
In the moments that separate fact from fiction
Your mind will decide the choice you made
Wrapped in the lies you told
Dammed you to a life of wondering
If I still think of you the way you wish I do

Nights are lonely with you gone
Not any more lonely I suppose
Than while you were mine
But the empty bed was easier then
At some point I knew to expect you
To eventually curl warmly into me

But it's difficult now
And lonely still  
And cold
Facing the reality
That your absence
Is the only thing I'm promised forever

If my rage were the weather
You'd never see a day of sun again
Trapped forever in a damp darkness
Of frigid wind and acid rain

It's getting harder and harder
To wake up without you

In those early seconds of morning
The burning rage ignites my soul
And burns me out to a spiteful pit long
Before the sun reaches the peak of the sky

The resentment you buried
Deep in my heart
Boils in the daylight hours
And scolds me long into the night

Melatonin chokes out my consciousness with mercy
Suffocating my misery
If only for a short moment
Until I'm plunged into the depths of my nightmares

My body thrashing about this bed til morning
But each and every sunrise  
Makes it harder and harder
To realize you left me here alone
Bearing no responsibility or resentment of your own

We do now
What we do best

We let it go
And welcome what comes next

You think I miss you
You think I'd miss you
But I already don't
even remember your name

The hole you left
is vast
but shallow.

The best revenge is kindness
Delivered with sincerity
And grace

I hope your next one
Deals to you
This same hand
You delt me

You may not see my pain now
But you'll feel my suffering later
At the hand of the one
You'll never see it coming from

I can't believe you had the audacity
To lurch into bed next to me
Each night
Knowing the whole time
The end of the week would bring
The end of us at your command
Dooming me to this house of shadows

How could he do that to me
If he said he loved me
I've never known
A fate so cruel
Issued down by the hand
That held my heart

May the Sun provide you the comfort
The Moon stripped you of

The storm will always come
You must be ready to weather it
When it arrives

I'm not scared to die
I'm sacred to live through it
And suffer the weight
Of another failure

The answers you seek
Are hardly as simple
As the questions you repeat

I don't know where
Or when
I expect to see you
Again

All I know is that last time
Couldn't really be the last time
Could it?

Do you still write?
Or did your words leave
When you did?

I count each day
Waiting
Until we hit that magic age
That brings you back to me
And we laugh
About the time spent apart
The torments faced alone
Silent achievements celebrated in solitude  

Fast forward to a time
When we've healed from the wounds
We inflicted on each other
In tender moments
Of misguided passion

I'll meet you in the space
Where sorrow and anger have no hold
And time has created the distance needed
To fade the agony of memory
And bring only joyful remembrance

Losing my Path
Is not a worthy price
For keeping companionship

I didn't want to get to that point
Where I wake up and realize
I didn't become content
I became silent

It takes a spider
About a day to make its web.
So then,
How long did it take you,
To construct your web of lies?

In the frosty fields of night
They thought they hid their sins

Buried
Low beneath the ice
Buried deep below the snow

In the waking silence
I found my breath

My lungs ripped and pulled —
gasp — after gasp —
Pleading only to choke

Dirt!
Solid, filling, heavy
Killing

Filling my chest by lung
Crushing my hope in pressure

My hands work frantic
as buckets, rakes, and hatchets
Beseeching the Earth to open

A prayer seems lost
in this desolate darkness
of endless soil

As fear and panic subside
acceptance and frostbite
cascade over me like an endless sea

One last sigh-
I relinquish all to the Mother
Whose frozen embrace will keep me still

Maybe sins are better left buried

I should stop worrying
About where I am in life
Relative to everyone else

I forget that I alone
Am floating at the center
Of my universe

It's not fair
That you moved on
And be came everything i knew you could
In spite of me

Your new girl looks like me
But my new man
Looks nothing like
the sad reflection
of my past

You gotta jump in
Both feet first
Because if one foot is behind the other
A part of you is stuck in the past

A year after
Our five years
I sit in tears
Planning a future forward
Starting over from the point
Where you stayed behind

But I'm successful in ways
We never imagined
In multitudes
You'll never reap again

How could you stand there and say
Forever and Always
To someone
You knew you didn't want
Now or ever?

If every bee
Was limited to one flower
We wouldn't have pollination

If every bee
Was limited to one flower
We wouldn't have pollination

I'll take your worries
and make them mine

We often fail to realize
That we are always at a cross roads
Gazing at the unrelenting precipice
Of decision and consequence
Each moment one away
From falling farther or rising above