It's hilarious
in a nauseating sense

to hear my mantras
echo from your lips

Everything is temporary
(Even the pain of you leaving)
Especially the sorrow you carry for your unseen future

Learn to appreciate the moment
(And all the moments after you)
The calm you chased after running from everything

Let it go
(Or it'll suffocate in your grasp)
So you no longer feel burdened by the weight of decision

It's a pity you had to lose the sound
To appreciate the sentiment

May the voiceless chanting
Of something greater
Lead you forward on your path
Namaste

These creeping thoughts of You
Are all too tiring
My eyes still wander
Thought the gallery of my mind
Imagines distorted by the thin grime
Of sentimentality and nostalgia

But the You to me
Was never truly to you that You are
The You to me was only the version of You
I stowed away in my visions
And held almost forgotten in my heart

For when I gaze upon You now
My eyes beg to shut
For reality doesn't align with
The mirages of my memories
Words You speak
Mimic Your tone
But fail to reach my understanding
Your helpless screams of
Swirling dread and fear of your end

I can't keep visiting You
For You are in the past
The You that lives on now
Is a timeless captive who may never grow
Or change
Abandoned to fade
And share the same doom as those fated memories of You

And I cannot look for You
In my future
Because the You are to me now
Perhaps the true You to you
Is stuck in a space
Left behind My in time
Still waking to fight the tireless battles
Of Your war torn mind
Capsizing over the paralysis of each decision
A despair that is not mine to carry

Where do my words go
When there's no one around
To catch them

Well, I have done a lot of searching
and I know now what I deserve.

I won't get stuck in a trap
of second guessing myself.

If this causes something
that cannot be repaired
I won't live with a shadow
of looming resentment.

The morning sun
Kissed my skin
And told me it was okay
To miss you

Words are like flowers
Ephemeral and beautiful
But cut short is their life
Once they leave the lips
It becomes the duty of action
To animate them into fruition
With persistence and grace
To keep them alive long after they’re spoken
And seasons change

From the falling of leaves
To the settling of snow
Trapped in winters grip
‘Til spring came to thaw
We’ve spoken many words
Fleeting and playful
With passion to match

Much like the flower
Flames can be evanescent
If left unattended
Yet in your absence
The light abounds

Summers soft warmth
Will hold us tight
As we hold each other
And brace for the chilled breeze of fall
To blow us back to October
To our first hellos
Without goodbye in sight

Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know
You burn the weak bridges of distant bays
In the barren shade you will never grow


You’ll reap the rotted seeds of all you sow
Doomed to be alone for the coming days
Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know


Neither pain, nor pleasure, will make you glow
Stuck forever in your pitiful ways
In the barren shade you will never grow


Through evil, twisted words and forked-tongue woe
Do your everything to push them away
Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know


In the haste of fright, you condemn your foe
Care little to not for the truth they say
In the barren shade you will never grow


I’d give you my heart for this final blow
Even for the fruit of love you’d not stay
Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know
In the barren shade you will never grow

Trying to write this to you now is nearly impossible.
The pen becomes so heavy in my hand it makes my fingers ache.
Every word etched into the paper
feels like another bout of blasphemy nailed to our hearts.
If only love was as easy as faking smiles in passing glances.

Remember when we would
fight so hard to be happy
Now its like
we don't know the meaning anymore

Some people sit there
and just make excuses.
But not me.
No, not anymore.
I'm not making any more excuses.
I'm making progress
and I refuse to stop growing.

Hes not the love of my life
Hes just a lover tonight

As you rip out my throat
so I know you did it with passion

The rush will send my heart fluttering
and the rubies will pour down my hands

Death which comes from grace
is more like a dance
than a battle
So I will no longer fight you

Rose was left red
Violence isnt new
Drink that potion, kid
And they'll take you too

Why is it hard to catch a cigarette?
Because its impossible
When you chase one
After another

I got drunk
to cope
with my problems

If the opposite of depression
Is not happiness
But mania
Then the opposite of loving you
Is not hatred
But hysteria

What the ****
Am I to do
When everything
Comes back to you?

You leave me beaten
Like you do
Always my heart aching
Black and blue

Let your heart rest easy
In the tender arms of moonlight
You'll be alright
At least for now

In your ash tray
Will remain long after
Evey other part of me has perished.

The taste of stale cigarettes
On her lips
Mixing with the stinging cherry
On my own
Is a flavor I'll probably never forget
Or trade for the world

You dont love her
For the flower she is.

You don't kiss evey petal
As tender as the breeze intended.

You don't prop her stem
Allowing her to grow tall and strong.

You love her
Like your next victim
-like the prey you think she is

You love her
By giving her the water she needs
-only to drown her in it

You love her
By plucking her from the ground
-and ending her beauty

I can feel your love fading
And that's fine.
I always knew
This day would come.
I just never anticipated
That I could be replaced so quickly.

I want to kiss her endlessly
Beneath the stars
Embroidered on her belt

I long to fill her mouth
With the music
From my lips

If only for a day
I'd love to replenish her heart
With the warmth from mine

Perhaps even
Line her floor
With the colors of our clothes

You were supposed to be
my hero.
So then tell my why
in the face of the fire and flames
you left me to perish alone.

Some monsters have hearts
And we become the monsters
When we dont look for them

Misery and pain
Are nothing more
Than the remnants
Of expired love

Is that you never blame yourself.

Becuase it wasn't your fault.

-tell me I dont need it
-make me put it down
-sing me out of my sorrows
-catch all of my falling tears

I just need someone
To show me the love I'm missing
And give me a reason to stay

Everything hurts so much
And I know that pain
Is around every corner

And I'm trying not to be selfish
I'm trying so hard
To stay here for them

But what's the point in staying
If I'll never get better
Or be the person they deserve

Is knowing that you'll be the one
To break my heart
For the last time

Theres nothing I can do
Or want to do
To stop you

I know my fate and the role you play
So I'm here to love you
Until the moment you destroy the last pieces of me

While you prowl
In the dim moonlight
I pray you please
Please dont touch him.

He wont be able to resist you
And your boundless temptations
But you are more
You are capable of compassion

I cant bear to see
What you'll do to him
And what he will reciprocate
And how my heart will punish itself

I dont want to love you anymore
The fickle emotion
Is rotting my heart
And boiling my brain

And I refuse to kiss
Spoiled flesh

If you’ve never seen
A sunset in reverse
Then I envy you.

You then
Have never watched the colors fade
And turn to black

Even as
You were promised the saving grace
Of the sunlight.

Never once
Were you betrayed in the
darnkness
By your own heart.

If you have never seen
A sunset in reverse
Then I beg you.

Please remeber
The beautiful vibrance of the light
Bask in the radiance

Even as
You doubt the night it happened
And pretend it didnt hurt

Never once
Let the struggle consume your being
And drag you back

If you've never
A sunset in reverse
Then you've already healed

Here I go again
Waiting for my player two
To join in this game
that I have no chance of winning

I know you wouldn't approve,
but I love this girl, you see.
She's a little rough around the edges
but shes filled with sugar and baked
to the ripe warm temperature of perfection
when shes in my arms.

But wait, I know...
I know I'm losing you at this point,
and you don't want to hear
a word I've said but wait, just
Wait.

Momma, I love this girl, you see
and its messed up and killing me...
Because, well, she doesnt know
how my heart howls at the moon
aching for her to be near me.

I want to give her everything.
Even if that's just the fragile mist of time
which drizzled through the cracks
of this shattered reality and broke apart against the rocky surface of the ever-playing nightmare.

Momma, I'm sorry...
I'm so sorry if you dont love me,
for the love I have for her.
But right now, I'm watching her
love someone else and Momma,
Momma, its killing your baby girl.

I'm falling for you
And my heart cant take it

Girl, I'd ask you to stay
But I know you'd break it

I'd give you my heart
Straight from the start
But that's not smart

You're the girl
With the lovely face

And I want to hold you
In my tight embrace

Far sweeter than the ***** I chug
You sting less than any drug
Yet on my chest you slightly tug

With a smile like that
Girl, you're the devil

All I can do
Is sit here and revel

I can give you
Everything
You've ever wanted
You, however,
Need to figure that out first

But here you are
On the frontlines
Fighting a war
For someone who will never
Wage the same battles
For you

I want to be sober enough
To mean it when I tell you that I love you
But ****** enough
To not have to remember it in the morning

I thought sleeping with you
meant laying next to you
sharing body heat
not giving you my body
followed by hollowing abandonment

Shes deadly and sharp
Yet loving and careful
Like nothing I've ever seen before
Or dreamed before
Because shes not like the books I read
Or the poems I write
Shes a force all her own

I'd tell you I love you
But I'd hate to wake you
From this dream of perfection
And let my honest touch taint you

Your name
Is so blood thirsty now
It can no longer
Cross the threshold of my lips

When consoling people
Most try to be soothing
Not accusing

I lose myself around you
And truly my love
I just cant afford
To cry anymore

And he couldn't show me
How to find salvation
But in the silence
The only thing I came to believe
Was that my scars were more powerful
Than his idol anyway

Darling please
Let me rip your clothes off now
Dont worry
I'll be sure to fold them in the morning

I feel like all of my dreams
Random as they may be
Are trying to tell me something
They all want to circle back
And connect in some cryptic way
I'm terrified to death becuase
What if
Every dream is actually a nightmare
And what if all these nightmares
Take me back to you?

You cant love me
And not because
You're incapable
Of loving
It's simply because
You're incapable
Of loving me