you were never taught to love,
therefore you dont know how to give it.
you were never shown love,
therefore you cant recognize it when you see it.  

love is like seeing a stranger,
except you only see this stranger in the mirror,
you dont know yourself and no one has ever known you.  

rarely will you say the words "I love you",
because most of the time it comes out as
a desperate gasp for air,
as if punched in the ribs with the feeling of having the wind knocked out of you.  

you're broken,
and you wonder if you will ever make it out.  
everything you've ever known,
is now foreign because it was all constantly taken from you ever since you can remember.  

could you ever have protected yourself?
Oh, my poor broken soul..

I bring you the cure,
so that you can grow once again.  
I cannot rebuild you,
because you were never brought forth.
instead I will create you,
and I will teach you.  
I will build love in you,
and show you what it is to smile.

My poor broken soul,
you have such beautiful eyes.  
the look of painful happiness
everytime your gaze is set.
as if you were a rabbit,
coming out in the daylight,
looking up to the sky wondering if that hawk has spotted you.
but you look beautiful from up here.

but it wasnt like that before was it?
the happiness?
is that new to you?
did you ever experience joy?

it hasnt been often--where you could be let out of your cage.  
where you could explore and be free and know yourself as you.
im sorry,
I wish I could pick up those pieces.

but instead, I will free you from this cage.
your wings will spread
you will be the hawk,
and the animals your prey.
instead of being afraid
you will be feared by all the evil in this earth.
your head will be crowned
with rings on every finger

as He once said,
"I will make your enemies a footstool for your feet ti rest."

you will know what its like, to rest your head on this field of lilies.  
under the tree in the shade,
enjoying every sunset,
and the view of the ocean.

that smile is my favorite place,
and I will make sure it will never be erased.
You're my island,
And alone with you,
Is where I want to stay.

I love you.  
my beautiful, soul.

Demensed, reminenced to the incidence
Stuck on my chest
With the rest of the depressed
Cartridge packed with gun powder speaks
Louder than the words of this script
Candle dripped on the side, hardened from
The kind weakness of the departed
When their love runs out
No doubt the sprout denies its bloom
Consumed to doom

When there's good evil grows
When good fears, evil surrounds
The lack of oxygen prevents the flame,
Compressed with shame,
Maybe we should try another strain
Too much good
Not enough evil
How about stop good and bad
Chop off the fingers that point
For many that would dissapoint
Gossiping little brats
With bats instead if hearts
Dusted and rusted infected demented
Dissected fraklinected

Evilly mended stop pretendin,
And turning attempting the discerning
Blinded minded no denyin the lack of kinded
Destroys the shinin.

Not knowing whats wrong,
She sleeps peacefully.
He gets in the shower,
Feels anger in him.
Where does it come from?
Nevermind that.

Goes to work,
Theres a surprise party for him.
Employee of the year,
Have a bite of this cake,
So many people the building feels like an earthquake.
Maybe this is what he needs,
The support of everyone.

There's the jealous ones but that's okay they dont faze him.
Flashbacks of his brothers,
They sometimes taze him.
He falls in a trance,
Out of body experience,
He looks at himself,
Nobody could hear him
Struggling on the inside
He wants to break free
And the people around him,
They can barely see,
Hes disconnected from them.

"First of all I would like to thank the ones who have congratulated me on this day,
I guess hard work really does pay,
A stray came in here and you
Received it with open arms,
And for all of you in thankful.
So best regards."

Goes back home,
Doesn't tell his family hes won an award.
Leaves it in the counter,
Goes straight to bed,
Hes dead,
Nothing but a zombie.
Adam,
Straighten your head.

His dreams are vivid,
He can see a young kid,
Whose protecting his sister
A black wolf following them,
It looks sinister.
Lord bring me a minister,
Thats what i need.
It chases them down,
A dark alley.
Rampaging,
The boy valiantly decided,
It was too fast,
Its either him or his sister,
So he stop with a crash,
His sister leaving,
He lets the wolf catch him.
His hands slowly bleeding,
In his attempts to choke it.
He needs to survive because there might be more,
Hes fighting for his life."

Adam, get up.
Adam, get up.
You're late for work, here's your breakfast,

In his life span he joined the Ku Klux ****.
But for Mexicans.
His name was Dan,
With a happy fam.
It seemed he was happy too.
Though he had no clue
What the rest of you felt.

He was just here standing,
Tall and proud,
With a shroud over his head,
Where his mind is dead.

His skin sheds to dust,
When he walks place to place,
Every molecule wasting away.
Tasting dismay yet he doesnt
Feel hes gone astray.

His wife knows hes here to stay.
Remain the same could he ever
Hope he may pull the lever to success
By no means taste the death
Thats what they say
But no one to lead the way.

He looks good in a suit,
His rolex watch too,
Hair due to the max,
Combed nicely slicked
back with wax
Stacks and stacks of his cash
Given to the poor
Even though hes been attacked
And jacked.
He still opens the door,
Not the physical but the one in his heart.
He cares, genuinely.

This is a story of a man
Who seeks to be the best.
Indeed he is
in everything he does
This is a must.
Perfectionalist,
nobody can deny it.
Yet so big headed he sits alone
In his home.
Does not look for trouble,
But always seems to find it.
How can we define it,
Self praise at its finest.

In his attempts to be the best,
Hes lacked being the most patient.
He tries so hard but fails every time.
The most caring,
The most loving.
He tries and tries but fails everytime.
The most respectful the most social,
He tries and tries but fails everytime.
The most likeable the most agreeable,
Anti-politician,
Less based on false intuition.
He tries and tries and fails everytime.

Till one day he came to God,
He said to Him:
"Why oh why am I feeling this way,
So much like a slave to the failures
I make,
Fake ambition with fake success.
What measures does one need to take?
I've been good, but my good lasts
So little.
I've been patient but my patience
Is thin like a string and easy to cut.
I follow all the rules and regulations
Yet feel so forsaken.
The more I eat my body feels weak,
The more I sleep the more weary I am.
The more I drink my body grows
Thirsty.
The more I think the more I am
Confused.
The more I try the more that I fail."

God answered and said:
"Dear son, why have you grown to sad?
You were a happy man now you
Are not so glad.
In your lifespan you've done all good things,
But there's much yet that you still have not seen."

That night he had a dream,
Of a stream flowing down a mountain,
It was clear blue and he knew he was thirsty,
He drank from it and could not believe
What he felt,
There was much joy and happiness
He could not hold it in.
He expressed it in his smile and his heart grew big within.
He expressed it as he jumped,
And expressed it as his eyes shined bright.

He woke up the next day,
A new man
Free from ambition,
And thirst for success.
He no longer felt the need to be the best.
He accepted his familyloved him the way he was,
And his coworkers looked up to him
He stressed himself for nothing.
His friends still seek him,
Cause his friends need him.
He realizes his lifes destiny is not to
Constantly worry about the things he does.
But simply to live.

A human being will always be patient
Temporarily.
A humanbeing will always feel anger
And annoyance.
A human being will always make clumsy
Mistakes.
A human being will never be perfect.
Lets not expect others to be perfect,
If they anger, its okay.
If they're rude, thats okay too.
Who are we to correct someone
Elses kid?
Though our fists may be clenched
And ready,
Or our voices held back ready to yell.
Take a deep breath,
Be happy this person doesn't
Suffer trying to be perfect.
And have a mindset that the days
You fail, they'll forgive you too.

There was a man named Adam,
Went to prison for violent crimes.
Came out wanted to start a new life,
Got himself a good wife.
Planned on having good kids, strong kids
The best athletes,
Play in sports with competetion so high they bleed.
Little warriors.

Everyone see's Adam now.
He's successful, they dont know hes gone to prison,
They dont know if hes even hurt a fly
Hes so peaceful people dont even ask why,
He knows so much about the streets,
Hes street smart,
People are impressed that he can help.
He can defend his friends,
His family,
But the sad thing is,
It takes full control of himself,
And though its been 5 years
Since the last time he was locked up
He still thinks of himself
As that animal,
He feels when people look at him
They can see the truth behind his eyes.
They say:
There's something wrong with this
Guy,
He's got lies I know he does.

The stigma traps him and follows him throughout college,
He has a degree,
he's won awards for best employee,
Works fulltime makes enough money
To bring food to the table,
Put his kids in sports
Buy the car of the year for his wife,
Every year.
Sick paint job,
Hes at the top.

But nobody knows,
That hes worked so hard,
So many times hes fought,
To keep his head from sinking
Underwater.
Theres days he feels like letting himself
Sink,
And just give up,
But its not him its not in his genes.
So many times he wants to let his
Old self take over.

His brothers died,
One after another,
Same spot, same place, same way,
In their sleep
Cold as concrete,
In his heart it stings
But he holds back the tears.
He goes to their funeral,
He leaves to the parki
His wife Bety says
Adam, you need to get up
We cant stay here
You're crying on the floor with cars
Passing by,
Youre too heavy to carry,
Youre starting to scare me
Dont give up on life
I know it hurts
I know they were close
I know they're your blood
And you'd do anything to hug
The two of them again
We can visit their grave
I know it's not the same
Dont put yourself at blame,
You need to claim your manliness once again,
Snap out of it no pain lasts forever.

He now is back to work,
Back to grinding
Neverminding
Avoiding all the wreck and sighing
Denying the fact hes hurt,
He goes back to work
Pretends nothings happened
Because he has a hidden reputation to keep,

Let the tea steep,
Dont be thinking about going
Back to drinking the lean
Or smoking the ****,
Dont even think about starting to chug
On the liquor that makes your brain thicker
It will be harder for you to think straight

At this rate hes telling his conscience that he no longer wants to listen,
He sees his winnings
All over his wall in the office
He has.
Its meaningless to him,
He thinks over and over again
On multiple occasions
One day hes batting them down
Smashing them
Contemplating
Whether he wants to start his life
Over or he wants to end it
Ruin it, thats a tempt
But God sent him here to complete
A mission.
And its not to spread religion.
Or tell people they're going to hell.

Snap out of it.

He goes back to work the next morning,
Forgets about everything,
Moment he walks through the
Door hes all smiles
But this time its half a smile,
His eyes dont smile along with his mouth,
Barely showing his teeth,
He knows somethings wrong,
And its creeping up on him.

Sits at home, feels like his wife has
Disappeared.
But shes here,
Somewhere up stairs.

Next day goes to work,
Realizes he hasnt been giving his wife or kids the attention they need,
Do they understand that even after
10 years he still thinks about
His two brothers?

Goes home sits down,
Instead of fixing all his problems
He drowns in them with a bottle of absolut.

Next day, wakes up,
Goes to work,
Hungover
Man why did I even do that.
Hide it.
Focus.
Smile.
Say hi.

Goes home,
This time sits in his car for hours,
He notices the distance,
Hes going further and further.
Lights up a cigarette,
Its been years since he's had one.
Thinks about his brothers,
Lets go of the thought.
Goes inside his house lays in bed,
And his wife complains of the smell.

Sometimes the lack of feeling is easier then the feeling itself.
Yet, some say they miss feeling, but with feeling comes agony.
What they mean is they miss feeling without the agony.

To feel good is essential to everyone.
If a person goes days without feeling good, there's a problem.
A problem that requires confrontation.

Sometimes people believe its better to avoid problems, but do problems usually confront you if they are avoided?
Not really.
Because problems act with avoidance.
Problems are passive aggressive.
They are scared, and cowardice.
When a person confronts the problem,
It is stopped in its tracks.

Confrontation without bad words and frustration is the best kind.
Is resembles a stronger, smarter version of you.
Life is a chess game.
Play smart.

I felt sadness,
And I embraced it.
I felt anger,
And I used it.
I felt anxiety,
And I dwelled in it.
I felt jealousy,
And I was motivated by it.  
I felt sympathy,
And I saw the weakness in it.  
I felt cared for,
And I lost it.
I felt love,
And I hated it.
I felt happiness,
And I rejected it.  


I allowed myself to feel today,
On occasion I hold my emotions in my hands like objects,
Seeing them as accessories,
I guess I could add those to me today.

I allowed myself to connect with someone,
As we were getting closer I felt further.
I made them laugh,
They're so fond of me now,
We had a moment and I can't stand it.  

I allowed myself to write a poem where I write the word "I".
To talk about emotion in writing is like a diary,
A lack of creativity, white paper no canvas no paint brush.  

I allowed myself to break the rules of my writing today.