The empty square where the app had been
I used it only to speak to you
so now the lot is vacant
It is a new level of disconnect
a notion I can't help to feel
that I am repeating
I can't stand the silence

I'm the revelation and
you're the catharsis

fell out of my fingers
i've lost the keys
i can't hear,
and i can't see it
it may never return
i have nothing of my own
and nothing of myself

When I leave,
I don’t have to take you with me
twist it again
I can be unforgiving
In spite of your presumptions
of which you have too many
Our time together is limited

we need more poems
about being *****
straight up
¯_(ツ)_/¯

my body decomposing like
its telling me to die already

humans holding their hands and
people kissing their lips
and feeling and comfort and feeling and warmth
and people clinging to each other and
healing

"this is a lonely experience"
I say when
I study blades of grass or cracks in the walls
When I'm so angry that I cry or when
I truly feel like dying
I repeat that to myself when
I'm reading untouched books
Or feeling affectionate for my friends
Far moreso, I think, than they would reciprocate
Love outpoors from me and I feel so alone
It is lonely to love

But I've halted those words
With a change of heart
Realizing I was never alone
Future or past, there are people out there
At least, so I hope, who feel the same things as I
They might mark my words, or perhaps never know, but wonder the same
Was there ever someone like me
Someone whose words are untouched
I wish i could reach through time and tell them
The experience isn't lonely

This is a human experience

to claim the biology of desire
is to acknowledge desire’s presence

i am home imagining myself
a year from now, alone
unfamiliar, with nothing to
remind me of who i am
with no one to
remind me that i am known
soon, a town
13.667 times smaller than
my home which ive previously
thought to be so humble
so rogue
if i thought i knew loneliness
i have a big storm coming

people look over crowds
the same way
they look over the hills

The streetlamps of the highway
Frame the void ahead
The horizon rises
Consuming the sky
The night reaches upwards
As if persuading us to succumb

all i know
is that there is no one watching over us

you've been relentless
i'm reaching my limit
i've never made such a mess on my face
washing off mascara has never been such a *****
no one knows a thing
no one knows a thing
not one person
if I felt better, I would walk downstairs
I would see what you were up to
I'd be friendly, I'd work with it
I did
but the moment you saw me
you had to tear me down
right back where I came from,
in a matter of seconds
it's amazing how easy we can shut ourselves off
it's amazing how i'm giving you all the signs
and somehow they all slip passed you
you'll slip pass me soon
never thought I'd have to prepare to leave you too
you were the only one
the one I thought knew me the best
out of everyone
you, too?
that's truly it for me then
i'm gone
i'll be here a while longer
but i'm gone
i'll forgive you
but i won't forget

My dad is the only man on Earth
who doesn't assume that
he was "The One Who Hurt Me"

and I think that, in itself,
is quite ironic

I want to lose myself
I want to lose myself
I want to lose myself
Momentarily
Completely
I want to be possessed
I want to be consumed

How many letters
Murmur the name of hide and seek
Where the seeker has always been
An undesirable position

momma i'm in the living room
listening to you cry again
momma i miss you
except for when you call
don't tell me you love me
just look after your son
stay calm, momma
the stars will come

love doesn't know time
however death does

I used to think of ancient people
as such ominous
all-knowing beings
in their footprints and their art
it was supreme,
it was transcending
they knew things about the universe
that i could never imagine
but theyre the same
as you and i
theyre just the same

i wish i could apologize
without it being selfish

having thoughts that make me go
aaa i need severe psychological help

why can't i just be who ive always been
but reinvent myself
so that i dont face this world alone?
why do i have to make myself
convenient, conventional
in order to be worthy of
understanding

here i lay on this cold section of the stage
where no one can see
where i escape
it is the same as death encompasses me
experiencing the narrative through
to the end

i was born with the knowledge of the universe
and in my life ive never been held
i burn like a star into my death

I'm getting hungrier again
fifty dollars
to last the semester
feeling illegitimate
at the pantry, still
I feel I'm not worthy
of a free box of macaroni
as if I don't deserve dinner tonight

I am no different
Than any child close to death
Even if my bones
Seem to be so feeble
My health is not eternal
There was a time when
We would've been the same

My instagram
flows and flows
pictures and snapshots
at the top of a waterfall
ready for flight
raining down in full
relentless
I do not write when I am happy
I do not write when I am okay
I cannot capture security with words
I take pictures
Here is my cat,
Here is a latte,
Here are my friends,
Here is a cool tree
that reminded me of the one
that stood in the field
of my elementary school
That I cherished and loved
They cut that one down
I couldn't show you a picture
But this one looks quite like it,
don't you see?
And so they flow
Outweighing the scraps
of my written despairs
pouring like paint
to color my memory
of things
that are good
and things
that are okay
into the feeds
the scrolls of squares
they flow

I am loveless
I am unloving
I don’t want to live

i think i'm starting to overcome it
I can love life, accept death, and believe
there's nothing after
all at once

i'm still not getting better
i'm still not getting better
i'm still not getting better

i don't care if it's fake
i want to feel it
i don't care if it'll last a month
i want to feel it
i don't care it'll hurt
i need to feel it

in bed for four hours and i
tell myself i just need to lay down

im just
2 cool i guess

I have an optimistic take
on applying string theory
to the afterlife
that there are forms in which
I can give my living body
to oblivion
as a prerequisite
to the potential disintegration
of my string of thought
that it will be reduced
to only a string
and with a voidal imitation
I am already easing my way

I am a vessel
for what, I do not know

I'm choosing to no longer believe
what anyone tells me about healing
healing is not care or rest
healing
is not sleeping for a week
drinking endless amounts of coffee
writing about isolation
writing about your childhood ghost
and how you've decided
to play your own tricks with time
I am detached and livid
at the assumption that I have processed
anything they've tried to tell me

somehow, even now
after every dreadful year
you never fail to appall me
with your prevalence
in being completely devoid of empathy

my friends who love
can sculpt a lover's face
onto a sheet of paper

my eyes are
the color of the earth
as seen
from far away

i'll never be able to go through it
without ******* up
it's always me

I just felt a timeless feeling
I'm drowned out with a song
And I see myself dead
And wonder who will hear
This same song
And see the same images
I wonder who
Listened to Elton John or Eric Satie
And saw themselves dead
With people of the future listening in
I can feel them now

smells of love
feels of hurt

I'm tired of rotating through
the same conclusions

how can I live blindly
are they hiding the fact
that there is nothing to see