What I described months ago in my bedroom A stranger described just the same in 2008 And I listen to him now and it opens a portal There is one man who knows the faux of my emptiness he doesn't know me, but he knows that I'm there
I don't believe In unconditional love You don't love Without expectation Of something in return Even if that expectation Is the feeling it gives you Rather than their feelings for you I don't believe That people will love Selflessly That is to say I know I will never be loved Because I will never be in a state To offer
why was I most murderous in my childhood I was young and I was magical and craved the taste of blood like a wild woodlander I'd think of myself that way Now I'd laugh at the thought my hands are only softer meant for caressing the skin of such a child's face
How many more times am I going to return to this corner of my room Asking why I've come back to this pain The bass of it pounds and cancels all other noise until I Can no longer fathom overcoming it When will this pain leave me behind Will it return to me always
Dont get too close Or I'll get cocky Stare in awe Only when distanced And self-depricated From that my pedestal is built You see me raised In my only light When yourself lowers
the prettiest notebook i'd ever had had the most pages torn out witnessed my hope and witnessed the worst handed back to me now i dont know how to feel
When I leave, I don’t have to take you with me twist it again I can be unforgiving In spite of your presumptions of which you have too many Our time together is limited
a little bit manic and a little bit dreary there's not a soul left for me to turn to so i spit out poems on a website with strangers it won't help, won't fill the void but it's the best i can do at least i'm doing it
People were shuffling into the halls in tears I turned to her and said 'I think I have apathy issues' She told me she loved me Squeezed my shoulder I didnt say anymore
2:24am and I'm sobbing on the couch I tell her about my road anxiety And she consoles me in my dreams Her presence isn't a ghost And I know I'll be alright Even if there isn't a way of knowing I can pretend to forget my mortality Tomorrow is a good time to tell her I'll be gone for Colorado the rest of the week That I fear I'll die driving up a mountain Or crushed under a passing truck I'll tell her I know that the fear is irrational tell her what happened in Bryce Canyon when I was younger And she will understand Telling something reassuring It isnt only in dreams This is the truth I'm sobbing on the couch Pretending I can will my way into returning in one piece Solely for her To see her again To see her at all When this is finally over
I've thought of myself as open Carelessly trusting Does it matter what I say or what people know? But I suppose it doesnt count The things I've never spoken of Just because it's never come up In conversation Because those things dont come up in conversation
I've always known that I'd die unhappy Ever since I accepted I would die at all I don't know why or how I just know I'd be lying if I said it didnt hurt
Grey shore Stretched over the horizon Where i am the only one Above the surface I am fated to dive Fated to sink Purposefully Alone The debris of my body I only hope Life may emerge from it
I miss your handprints I'll see them again to leave them all the same This time once and for all I have made you my home Naive, for I knew exactly how limited our time together would be
5th grade and I'm flying high 4th grade and I learn to write For the second time I don't know what it means To reverse the order But I know how to relapse and lapse and lapse