what is my pain
to another’s love
not that it was meant for me
but i like to peer upon it
from outside
why does their love
amplify the hurt
why do i envy
their comfort

i know
they don’t want me around
i’m working on
keeping quiet

not right for me
not right for me
that is something you know
but i haven’t yet caught on
maybe it’s only the play
maybe i’ll want you after
how can i tolerate myself
if i’m not over you by then

please
please
you remind me
of a boy much taller
you remind me of a tower
but you will not collapse
why do i
study your face
like you study the script
i haven't given it the time of day
maybe i miss the feeling
i wish i missed myself
there's nothing i can do
to come back
but you remind me of a boy
who was much worse
you didn't say goodbye to me today
you won't tomorrow
alright

my worst fear
is to remain conscious
after death
that's how I'm feeling now

I was always the main character in my narrative
until I met you
I had never felt that I was living with such purpose
as when I lived with you
I loved you as I love my mother
You are gone, and the purpose is lost
I feel empty, now you are gone
If I've upset you again
there is no greater failure
and my prevalence holds no truth

i’ve lived for so long already
feels like i’m already dead