no one will ever find me
no one will ever know me
no one will ever see the sadness & stay
no one will ever find me
no one will ever hold me
or tell me I’m alive when I think that I’m dead
no eyes that are watching
no ears that are listening
no one will ever see me
no one might ever hear me
they leave me a puzzle unsolved
it’s not that I’m tricky
just not what they’re used to
but with me, they believe,
their efforts will be wasted
all I need is one person
and a person, I need

time is a snow globe
and perception is the flakes

i thought that your heartbreak: circa 2017
had built me to handle my own
& alone I have been
& alone I have lived
I was wrong, but couldn’t have known
I hadn’t known that isolation
made me brittle enough to break
to crumble under the faintest touch
fingertips
that long have been sought
and all I know is the ache

“I don’t know, but I feel it”
I don’t know, but I feel it
I don’t know, but I feel it
his head on my chest
he can’t fool me
he doesn’t know me
doesn’t know anything
but he knows how to hold me
his hands around my back
if that’s what he’s feeling,
I’m feeling it too
or that’s what my lips are telling him
he doesn’t know me,
but he knows how I breathe
doesn’t care that I sing
for a living
or that I’m living
and some days it doesn’t feel
like I’m living at all
but this boy is internal
he’s reminding my soul
of the body attached to it
detaching it from him
and he pulls me right back
and it’s over for me
for the boy who never knew
and only felt me
something else
stripped of art
I had to force myself apart

that’s it
I’ve felt it once
and the ending doesn’t surprise me anymore
I feel it now
as if I’d never left
and you’d never said goodnight
I’m alone for a day
and reduced to believing
in the remedies of being held
We are different
that’s what I’ll say
you’ll ask me “how?”
and for a moment, I’ll lose my answer
But they find their way back again

you have scary things to say
at least scary for me to hear
i am feeling for once
so i allow myself to feel
in that i hold no shame

& after six years
put the same people
in the same room
and nothing will have changed
you reenter
and all of that growth is gone
for a moment, all progression
dissipated
by their presence alone