i am too known to be seen
vanished at my own disposal
huddled under the morning park bench
those who pray do not pray for me
as is nature
but all is well; there is grass in between my toes

tell me, and i tell you
here i go again, i'll slip, just for you
let's try this again
accuse me of the upper hand
with one look you demand your distance
but I'm just like you,
you haven't been there yet is all
I'll be there when the time comes
for now, I'm okay with pretending

old enough to repaint
young enough to sell
a bolt runs down my spine
every time I remember
that you don't actually know a thing
as much as I wanted you to
I am inevitably alone
nothing will ever change that
time cannot change that
regardless of my youth

you did it!
the emptiness has gone away!
just kidding

so i've finally come full circle
i've retreated to the feeling of joy!
though i can't say i'm relieved
knowing i'll always be the same
at the end of the line,
i'll be able to calculate my centripetal velocity
with how ******* often i come around
to the same exact conclusion

from emphatic crayola scribbles on the wall
peering out the window
to the night's direful blackness
where the hollow moon peered back to me
a dry and powdered luminosity
I had never before felt so perceived
than by that of the lifeless moon

I remember nothing before that moment

consistently revising the suicide note
it’s now years in progress
from the original draft,
only a rare few words remain
why write the note at all?
I’ll wait until you forget