consistently revising the suicide note
it’s now years in progress
from the original draft,
only a rare few words remain
why write the note at all?
I’ll wait until you forget

to claim the biology of desire
is to acknowledge desire’s presence

fearful, regretfully human side
of which I decide
to indulgence in my youth,
or to maintenance
of my stone body
Will I live
or Will I breathe

an antidote to worsen the symptom
the day, once threatening
the night, now laborious
time passes as a slow & steady tide
but there is no more time for me to wait
there is no more good
there is no more guilt
only the weight,
only the lack
everything is tiring

nobody
nobody
nobody
nobody
nobody

a year ago today
from everything
your prevalence
mocks the highest
standard to my being
every bit of strength
bred from a passing year of mourning
diminished by your hand

the sun rises while i ascend
another sleepless night
lifted by the waking world
still, i am truly alone