Taking a moment to breathe
Reminding myself
Of the reason
I have strength
I will not break
Even though it's late
And my heart is bruised
Damaged and used
And left by you
To rot and die
Left myself asking why
Why am I more dead
Than alive?
You left a hole
I can't fill
I can never be whole
You have my soul
Wish I gave it to the devil
At least he'd use it well
Unlike you, my dear
You left me in fear
Of love and life
I am dead inside
My feelings collide
And I lose my grip
I let my dignity slip
Into the cracks
Of sadness
You saved me
But left me
Feeling
Even more
Alone and empty
Than I was before
Before you entered
That faulty door
Now I feel despair
The love is here
But you aren't near

this is a series of brief letters to the pieces of my body

dear body,
we don't always work together very well,
but i swear i am trying.

dear hands,
the callouses and crescent moons in your palms
will not be for nothing.

dear knuckles,
aren't you tired of painting yourselves black & blue
every time words fall short of the fire burning behind my sternum?

dear feet,
you know better than to follow roads that lead to dead ends.
there are better places for us to go.

dear eyes,
you have sunken so far into my skull
it shocks me you see anything at all anymore.
you're fixated on shades of gray
but i promise the world will regain its color soon.

dear knees,
stop crawling.
this broken glass is from his bottles.
get up. no more blood.

dear shoulders,
it was never your burden to carry. let it fall,
and try your hardest not to feel guilty.

dear neck,
his hands will never make a home here,
and you are worth more than one night of empty bruises.

dear spine,
stop waiting to be warmed by fingers
that would reach for another body if they could.

dear tears,
do not waste yourselves.

dear ears,
you have been filled with ghost songs for too long.
stop listening for things no one is saying -
it will make life much simpler.

dear mouth,
i know these secrets have been threatening to break my teeth
but please do not open your gates. i am not ready.

dear skin,
we have never been close friends.
i am sorry for the scars.
i am trying to learn how to be comfortable in you.

dear mind,
if i could wish you into an etch-a-sketch
and shake you clean of these bad memories i would.

dear heart,
i hope you can forgive me for being so careless.
i feel how tired you are. rest is on its way.  

dear body,
you will one day see a grave,
but it must not be by your own hands.

- m.f.

My mind nauseous
and heart numb
over hearing  
three heavy words.

It so sharply stabbed the air that we were floating in
blowing through the breeze.

I can still remember the sound of your voice that night.
no
no
no
Please do not,
do not tell me you love me.
Because you do not even realize
that you do not mean it.
You are lying.
When you tell me you love me,
it strongly stings the roof my mouth and burns my ears vibrantly.

Please promise me one thing.
Promise me you’ll remember.
Remember the late night December kisses.
Remember the long car rides with our hands locked.
Remember the last minute plans,
and the nervous laughs and the roaming hands.
Remember the judgmental friends,
the strict parents.
Remember the mistakes,
the words we wished we said, the words we wished we never said.
Remember me.
I will remember you,
Please
Remember
Me.

And just for the record,
I hope one day you can say three heavy words,
and mean it.

(let’s dance the night away in humid August weather, let’s dance on top of our ruins and forget the lonely songs of yesterday.)

*-andrea