The usual lives of every one gather
Dust in my mind
I really don't have time to
Sit and think about theirs

When I can sit and think about my own
And the mistreated people of the world
Or as a matter of fact how about
The friends I know
The friends that know
How their lives are

I know mine but I never took the
time to understand theirs
How can I call myself
A friend
When I can't even sympathize or
Be of comfort

How can I just sit back while some are being threatened
While some are being cursed at?
All this and my friends still take up for me
Is that what a real friend is?

How can I just sit there
While they're fighting my battles
How can I let myself be there for them
When I can't do anything

How can they expect me to be happy
All the time when sometimes
All I want to do is cry?

How can I know myself so well
But resent the fact I know myself at all
How can I force myself to
Be happy for the ones' I know
But not for myself

My laughter and smiles are not
Always genuine
I bet I fool my friends
I bet I fool them all
Heck I even fool myself sometimes

I know my friends well enough
To not let them
See me sad

Eyes into mine
Yet kissing lips not sure
We dated for a while
But seemed love had no style
I wondered then and it continues even now
But my thoughts were when and how
We fell into love
But was it everything to think of?
Passion had no romance
The kiss showed no advance
A caution with no chance
Beauty I thought
Relationship in what I had sought
My heart beats but only for that longing moment
My nerves began to rattle
I felt I was going into battle
A time piece with signals to move on
You are not the one I long
My heart inserts find the true love to whom you belong.

I used to fear not being good
Enough for anyone else
But recently I have taken a liking
To not caring what they think
I have been afraid of
What people might think if
They found out who I actually was
Or rather what I liked
So this is the truth
The ugly truth
It's not fun being something else
I have been around too many friends that
Don't seem to care so why should I
I'm different and that's how
it's always been
The difference is I know it
But sadly, some others don't.

When the air gets colder
And my clothes get heavier
Your hugs only seem to get warmer
Your kisses on my forehead only seemed to get sweeter

But that was all a dream a forgotten storm
You left so many years ago
I have even forgotten your rank
I have forgotten why you didn't come home

At first I only thought the worst
I only thought the inevitable
That you died in combat
That I wouldn't be able to say to
Good bye to you

I loved you so much
Mother says she kicked you out
because you
were mean to us
That you called us names

The sad thing is I only hold on to the
Fondest of memories with you
The happy ones
The ones where you held me and
Cradled me in your arms

I know somewhere in your heart you
Didn't come home because you
Didn't feel like abandoning your post
Or maybe you were way too busy!

I was only four when you left
I was a only a child
I was only a kid
When you left it was just brother
Mother and I

We made it work without you though
I grew up idolizing other father figures
I grew up wanting to be more like the
Man of the house to take over
YOUR role

Hey! You should see me now!
I am a teenager and I know you would
be proud of the woman I've turned into
If only you were here to see us
After all this time
And hey! Help my mom pay for
Things considering we are still your children
Maybe you should think about us

I know you're fighting with
The Marines but I still can't handle the fact
That I HAD a dad
That someone was there for us

But that's fine now
Who really cares
I know you don't