I put my hand on the ocean and the other on your heart.
I closed my eyes and I swear I couldn't tell them apart.

You feel so amazing moving between my fingers.
So light and cool to touch like a breeze off the night.
You move like a knife through water.
I press you to my lips when you make me laugh.
I want to forever carry you above my heart.
I love you dear friend please don't ever break.
If you break that would break me.
I want to say I won't but I will try to replace you.
If I do, know you were always my favorite pen.

Days fall by untouched and piling up.
Eyes unclouded by the feel of air.
"Hope" begins to rot away the nights.
Smiles switch and shine.
A light brought to the darkness, glows.
Future unplotted but still there.
Therapy in the wild and unruly.

She smiled in an amazing way.
It was a miracle when she did it.
It made her already beautiful face even more.
Man, I hope she shines when I am not looking.
I pray she laughs when she's alone every so often.
I wish she would and I want to say hello.
Nah, Let's not corrupt the beautiful with the real.

See ya,
Nameless amazing girl.
Please be great.

Coffee in the morni...afternoons to wake up.
Fingers glide across this glass like the wind.
Head slow but heart is lightly full of hope.
Words try to match but all I said over and over..
I kept saying the word, "Cool".
My mind is rotting with the things I put in my body.
My mind is rotting without the things my body needs.
I kind of miss the days I got to spend screaming.
I definitely miss the ones I got to smile.
Now only imitation laughter spills from my mouth.
I want to feel again, I want be ..."happy".
I am again like ever before, "Post-Love"

..Medicine in the mornings to get to sleep.

All day the idea danced in my head, Death could flow in like nothing. I could cease and in that maybe my head would stop hurting and my soul stop bleeding over my eyes. She ...HER, it doesn't seem fair that a young girl slipped into my heart and stomped out my fires as it they were nothing. She is cold and toyed with me as if I were a simile meant to be used and discarded. She wanted me to stay, and I would have. I wanted to be around her and let her **** everything about me that I thought I held dear. I wanted that, but I tried killing myself and other people intervened. My family traveled across the country and carried me home. I cried the entire way home. I bawled and screamed. HER, she hurts me still. I want to see her smile, and I know that she damages me. I want to say I am getting better each day that I am home, but its not true, each day I become number than the day before. I am shutting everything out and it is scaring me. The healthy things that used to bring me joy are becoming mundane activities.

I screamed at the moon and the stars the other night until my voice went, then I pounded my fists into the ground until I woke up face down. I am losing so much and I hate that I still love that girl. I would do anything for her. and because of that I am afraid I will not ever be whole again. I fell down this ****** rabbit hole called "love" and it left me battered and shattered. This isn't really a poem, But I wanted some people to know what I am going through even if you are only strangers on the internet. RIGHT now, this page is all I have. I love you for reading this far. and I am sorry this isn't a poem.