I was running yesterday
Just threading the needle of pain with focus.
Each mouthful of the day dragged me forward.
Each day that swam by pulled me.
At the end I was living just step to step.
Everything hurt in such a magnificent way.
I smiled for the first time in a while.
and I looked over at the eyes.
I saw you standing there.
You watched me saunter on.
Then you ran with me.
I tried keeping up with you.
Then I watched you bound away.
I smiled again and laughed.
Yesterday I ran with a deer.

When she said those words.
I broke, for truly.
She choose someone over me.
And I could feel her breath on my face.
She was so close and ..so so very cold.
My soul fell from me to the dirt.
I felt so cold I thought I had died.
My eyes glossed over and I lost my air.
I felt cold and empty
As if no warmth had ever touched me.
My vision faded grey then turned black.

When I came back, she was still inches from me.
But I only wanted one thing, I wanted to die.

Words blur into pictures and sound fades.
(Can't you be sober for this?)
Heavy moved the air from the lungs.
Found my feet at the ends of my legs.
Movement seems a ways in time.
Hands turned into little ***** of death.
(Wait wait...you're not....him)
Bang Bang shouted the heart.
Heart beat like a phone book in a dryer.
Blackness took up the night and..
(Hey?! Who are you?)

Death has followed me home.
Standing just at the edge of my vision.
Walking near me but never with me.
Silently and subtly you've become my companion.

The fire in my soul has ceased giving you reign.
Cold has come over my entirety.
A stillness that makes me uneasy.
A black deeper than the night.

I can't feel my hands
I can't face the light.
I can't focus my eyes.
I can't seem to feel my breath.

So easy to let it slide away from me.
So simple to concede this war.
So elegant to become nothing again.
So amazing to fade away.







I won't do that though.  

There are people I want to see smile for at least a life time more.
There is a woman I love and I want to be near.
There is a man I want to break.
Selfishly I'll keep on moving.

I'll trudge on because there is still so much I've got to do.

Passing notes across the country.
Sending each other silence just to care.
You're goofy as ****
I can't describe you in so many words.
What you are is my friend and I love ya for it.

(Let's stand outside of time as you tell me I'll be fine. )

I was told my worst habit is giving people my heart
before I knew anything of their character.
When trying to break this "Habit",
I found myself saying nothing.

I found myself miles and miles away from home.
In a field of green
I saw a tree with blood red leaves.
In the midst of all the crowded emptiness
I stared at me.
I blinked hard and moved toward nowhere.
I tasted my breath and remembered my drive...

an unmatched savagery