I am alone once more.

A lonely man gone mad in the space between thoughts.
Chasing a friend that only exists when I stop looking.
I want a friend, I want to speak my heart to a person.
Fingers can dance on the board of keys but I want a hug.

I find myself simultaneously imploding and exploding.
I look up at the vastly small universe and feel hugged.
I see more than I can never know, I see myself looking back.
Cars flash by, they don't see me I am invisible at 60mph.

The eyes of the nights aren't just black but fields of deep blue.
I look at the moon and imagine you're out there.
I pray I cross your mind every once in a while.
Just so I am not so pathetic for thinking of you every night.

I am alone just waiting on you

My face is full of forgiveness but this heart aches for pain.

This hand is wilted from making fists, of holding nothing’s hand.

This wrinkle on my face is a scar left by the days without you.

Can’t you just wake up your heart and notice me,

I’m standing here waiting for you.

There is a beast in every man.
There is a beast barring its fangs.
In the heart of every man there is a darkness.
Black is the song played to the brokenhearted.

Dancing on the graves of smiles stands him.
The masked man playing at the hero.
Dynamic is your dream, static is your calling.
I'd toy with you longer but you're such a boring character.

Black is a piece of the heart I could let engulf the rest.
Days I spend happy and alone or happy with friends.
I just can't shake the beast that is in me.
Hours at a time she rises and howls emptiness at me.

and I feel it..

The joy that would come from the pain of this masked man.
My knuckles craves his throat, my gaze calls for his blood.
An almighty pleasure that could be achieved in seconds.
A pain that would echo through the rest of my life.

So easy it would be to cause hurt so hard it is to feel love.

She gave me goosebumps with a piece of a sentence.
I could dance just to the thought of being near her.
Her silence is more beautiful than any words.
I want to hold that gaze for any number of moments.

The flowers I bought her have gone and wilted away.
The flower she bloomed in my heart grows each day.
I want to say this is a crush and just write it away
But more than that I want that to not be so.

I dream of holding her hand, and the sound of her voice.
Saying her name makes me feel a sense of pulchritude.
The veil of whatever this is I want to tear down and press her lips to mine.

"Be brave to allow yourself hope"
What I think when she flutters across my mind.

Dear Brother,

     I was the person you looked up to and the person you strove to surpass. I long for those days, you following me around and trying to do the things I could. Soon we realized our paths were different. I was destined for something mediocre and you were born for greatness. You and your goofy smile and lisp always made me laugh. I remember when we would fight each other. It was never fair for you, I had over a hundred pounds on you and yet you always stood your ground. I hope that you always keep that insane courage.
         I would become a thing of violence and you would be away in your own world. I knew you would become a runner so I forced my way onto that path just so you could follow me a little longer. So we could be big brother and little brother awhile longer. I would run and I would hate it, my hulking body would scream with all the wasted motion. And you little brother, you would glide as if you meant to flow across this prairie as smooth as water. Out of desperation I pushed myself and kept my head above you for as long as I could. and just a few months ago you surpassed me. I would run 5 miles and you would run 7 as if it were nothing. I remember that day we raced and most of all I remember your cocky smile. I acted angry...because that's what I'd do. But know that that was probably one of my proudest moments.
          Now little brother just know that it is me chasing you, and now that I am happy to say that the little boy who wanted to be me has become my rival. I wanted you to be great so now I am going to push you until you want to scream and give up, then I am going to push you some more. You're my brother so I know you can take it.


                                                              ­                                                                 ­                  I love you.

Every night I look up and pray a little lie.
As if he would believe me when I don't even.
I'm just going to say these words until they're true.
"I don't hate her"
I'm going to say these words til they're the truth.

I don't even care anymore.
And here I thought our love would last forever.
A year later and I forget the sound of your name.
I don't like that I lied to you and hate that I lied to me.
Young and in love seems a lot like lonely and drunk.