I did it again
Love should be sin
That I wouldn’t do again
You played me like a violin
First the start I didn’t want soul ties
Then I thought we was meant
Somewhere lies and betrayal begins
And things take a shuffle
Asking when will it be just us again

I swear I am feeling the same way.
Unwanted and unsure now and that not how I should feel.
Every night I try my hardest to make myself think it’s just my depression or anxiety.
This is why I was afraid of loving again.
Cause it the same things each time.
I get used to things and they faded away.
And feels changed on a relationship.
I really tried not to get used to going to sleep on the phone, saying I love you , and hoping to hear from you.
But I did.
Now I sit up every night trying to fall asleep on my own.
I started hiding my feelings and just accepting these feelings and thoughts.
Now I’m just waiting for the day, you don’t wanna be with me.
I know that it is coming. I feel insecure, crazy, n unwanted.

I wrote this poem
For the ones I am about to hurt
I am broken and alone
Trap in my mind
With no room to grow
I have shed many tears
Felt my heart break
Seen my body shake
Smoke the pain away
Just to seen another rainy day
So I groom myself
This one last time
Make sure I have everything in line
For this time
Cried for the last time
Laughed for the last time
This is my last time
To the man I fell in love with
Sorry for everything I couldn’t fix
To my siblings that will miss me
Try not to remember me like this
To my parents that hate each other
I wish you can work on your differences
To my godparents that helped me
I am sorry you can’t fix this
This is it.

I swear I am feeling the same way.  
Unwanted and unsure now and that not how I should feel.
Every night I try my hardest to make myself think it’s just my depression or anxiety.
This is why I was afraid of loving again.
Cause it the same things each time.
I get used to things and they faded away. And feels changed on a relationship.
I really tried not to get used to going to sleep on the phone, saying I love you , and hoping to hear from you.
But I did.
Now I sit up every night trying to fall asleep on my own.
I started hiding my feelings and just accepting these feelings and thoughts. Now I’m just waiting for the day, you don’t wanna be with me.
I know that it is coming. I feel insecure, crazy, n unwanted.

Can this relationship wait
Is the words you used.
So I said yea cause you was going through something.
But you kept flirting for me and giving me mixed feelings for you.
It was like you wanted me but didn’t too. So I continue to be attached to you.
Got use to the calls every night and the long talks.
It was too good to be true but I was just hoping it was true.
Cause you made me feel so much better than the last dude.
But it was only to get me I see.
Cause now I don’t hear from you.
But when I do I hear relationship aren’t for you.
So what am I ?

Feel my pressure
Maybe use your tongue
To turn me up
Ain’t felt it in a minute
So let’s have some fun
Push down a little more
So this waterfall can run
Lucci ain’t the first to say this pun
**** even make me run
Just go a lot deeper ***
Cause I’m tryna feel it in my gut
Let’s make love like Bonnie n Clyde on the run
**** that was fun
He likes the way I ***
All over his face
Fresh out the easy bake oven how I taste

Spoken so softly
He can make me hot like the sun
No touch can fix what he done
Want to feel him inside
Deep I won’t run
Kiss down my spine
Run is hands over my body
Love me hard
Make me bust like fire work
Let’s become one

I fell into your arms
And you became my safe place
Hide me from the dangers
Made sure my anxiety go away
Healed my broke soul
In the best ways
Made me fall in love secretly
I was the one thinking it is mean to be
While you somehow was unsure of we
Pushed and pulled me
Like a door way
Mixed signals to keep me curious
Now I’m hell of furious
Why did I love in the first place?

Moving on with life
Smile become something bright
Find the fire
And begin fighting that fight
Break down some walls
To let in some sun light
Watch things grow
And you become just alright
Til the curiosity calls
And you wonder off
To see what is beyond
It’s a man that can’t grow
So you help him right
Bring him home
So he can get some sunlight
What wasn’t seen is a **** that right
You grew him and loved him
And he took all your sunlight
Rained on your fire all day and night
You realized he the ****
So you get mighty
To cut him out your life
Build your walls up
Never wonder off
Or let your curiosity out right
That what men do
They hurt you
When all you wanna do is help
Build them up n touch their souls
Once you are hurt
You build walls up
And don’t let anybody in
Not a single soul
Cause how knows?!
But this is the cycle called love

Yep This is it
I tried and I failed
Im writing my goodbyes
With no lies
I’m tired
And I can’t fight it
I did all those fake smiles
Just for the hell of it
At night I cover my mouth
So no one will hear me cry out loud
I mentally died weeks ago
And screamed for help
But no one seem to care
I can’t find my place on this earth
I don’t know my worthy
I want to say sorry
To the ones I am about to hurt
But I can’t do it anymore
I’m a lost soul
In case you didn’t know
I distant myself from you
So you couldn’t tell
I am sorry
But I can’t get well
I wished i loved me
Like you love me
I wish I could’ve seen
What you seen
I know you wanted the chance
To hug all of me
I was weak and could’ve barely breathe

I hate being used to
The everyday calls
Text and no wonders at all
I hate being used to
Give you my all
With no care at all
I hate being used to
The fact you let me fall
In love knowing it wasn’t for long
I hate being used to
Sleeping without a call
With some wonders that all
I hate being used to
Being left that all
I hate being used to
My heart being played with
Hate opening up to being hurt
Hate that I let you undo my wall
Hate that you got close enough to me
Hate you n myself
Hate who you made me become
Hate how I feel after it all
Hate the insecure I gained
Hate trust issues that came
I hate it all.
Hate that you didn’t let me be
Hate you just had to mess with me
Hate that I love you that all
I hate what you have done
Hate I still want you
I hate that I don’t hate
I just love you that all

Submerge me in the water
Free me from the chains
Loosen the bolt
That just might easy my pain
Now turn away
And Let me sink
No oxygen so
It’s a matter of time frame
But he grabs me
And finally see the tears
That been falling from my face
Purified me like water
Yelled you aren’t a sad case
Just broken in the wrong place

Breathing but dead inside
So my feelings tend to hide
No remorse so no need to cry
And he wonders why
Cause you lied
Not once but three times
But yet I forgave you deep inside
To turn around to a surprise
That wasn’t mine
She’s pregnant with your child inside
Three months of lies
But I was five months by your side
So I lied And cried all night
Said I’m just fine
Didn’t want to lose
What suppose to be mine
Instead I lost my mind
My pride that I put to the side
My heart that shattered in time
My reason to be alive
My joy deep from inside
So yea, I’m really dead inside

I pray that you rise
To look me in my eyes
Just in the perfect time
Even tho you aren’t mine
We are two of a kind
You breathe air in me
So I can feel alive
Your smile is like sunshine
And I am the vine
Your kisses can
Warm my insides
Your arms are my safe place
Cause you protect me all the time
Dear jr. I wish you the best
At this thing called life
Your mommy’s baby
So I would given you my last dime
And all my time
Know that I love you
And you will be my soft spot for all time.

This is my last poem
So I will make it great
I wished I could’ve seen
Look on your face
When you found me
Unconscious and no breath to take
For this a simple reason
I couldn’t been saved
I drowned in stress and depression
With is no one to blame
So don’t put rip on anything
Cause it was meant this way
And to my friends
I’m sorry that I let you down
I wasn’t always happy when I was around
And to my parents
I should’ve let you in
And to my brothers and sisters
I wasn’t strong as you think
I’m sorry, but you aren’t to be blamed.

While I lost it
Barely hearing your voice
No longer seeing your name
Guessing where did all of it change
We aren’t the same
Did you chose someone else
Am I to blame?
She getting all the attention
That I once craved
Mixed emotions
Cause you don’t know what to say
I don’t wanna play this game
Can’t you just say
That you don’t feel this way
But every morning calling me
Baby, sweetie and beautiful
And turn around to say
Relationship aren’t for me
Then why continue to play this game
When you know my heart is going to break
Man I haven’t been the same
Yet you still haven’t noticed
Not one thing
Maybe you should call for a change
Instead texting one time a day
Why you play this game?

I’m scared to let you
Love me again
Afraid that you would hurt me again
I think about running from him
And forget he exist
But it’s something about just him
He got me by my heart
Feels as I need him
Once again

Is it his cheeks
Or his eyes that lead me to the sky
He seems to breathe no lies
So I put him so high
For I should know his kind
Sweet but very mild
Boy I know that you might be just mine
Take me as a blessing and
Hold me so kind
Lets make it worth our time

Lately I been woken
All this pain I ended up smoking
Praying to God to stay focus
Keep my mind sane to hide the pain
I wanna pull the trigger
And blow out my brain
Nobody remind the same
But somehow I changed
Family speaking down on my name
So I turn away n wash my hands
Pray that I won’t be betrayed

Watch my back while I pray
Watch my back while I make a way to escape
That what family suppose to do right
Not split in your face
Steal from my plate that I was gonna share anyway
Stabbing me in the back
Speaking bad on my name
You was suppose to remind the same
That just the game
That life continues to play
But I still love my family

Anger built inside
Now I change my attitude
And my mind
Opened me like lock
And try to find me out inside
You see the change in me
Questioned me why
So I told a lie
I’m just fine
But in reality
You blow my high
From cloud nine
******* from the other day
I try to speak mind
But you deny me
So now I want to hide
Take the key back
So you can’t ever unlock my mind

Spell his name in the sky
Where I can lie
Thinking about time
where it will be you and I
Want to feel his touch
Look him in his eyes
Let him hold me
So I can feel alive
His voice sends
A flutter down my spine
From bottom to top
He tells me no lie
I can’t wait to
Just remember the time

Take it
Make it stop
Why don’t I know how to turn it off
It beats n beats for the guy that it loves
So **** a first love n all mistakes we’ve done
But I am so in love with ya
I’m a beautiful garden And you’re like weeds
Keep ******* me up
But then you can be the sun that helps me blossom
So I am like what the ****
I just won’t give up on you
Cause your love to me is so pure
And warms me up
So yea I give a ****, Boy
Let’s just work on us

Before you, there’s no love
Before you, I questioned a hug
Impossible words said from above
What is the big word love
It makes hate and break things
Just like a earthquake
It heals wounds
That burns cause of the big word love
Sweet tunes turned into nothing
Cause the impossible words said from the above
Written in the Bible
Is the big word love
Love everybody just to see above
How can She use the big word love
If it wasn’t given to her

Leave me broken
Like a home
You say you loved me
But I can’t forget
All that pain and abandonment
Should I reminisce

2 weeks old
I never felt your kiss
Now motherly love
Is what I miss
You keep looking above
So I throw fuss and hiss

I grow old
So abandoned home
Is what I am
The pain and abandonment
Shall I forget
Cause you tried to fix it

A once beautiful home
Is now broken
All because you left it

You expected a brilliant girl with a pretty face
For her to go to college
So you can praise her in every way
Expected her to remain the same
When she is drowning holding out her hand
To be saved in any way
Expected her to be great no matter
What pain comes her way
Even if she feels like she being beat like a slave
Somehow you expected her to remain the same
Even through the struggles placed in her way
Everybody slapping her in the face
Everybody calling out her name
Even through the hurt and pain
I am not the same
I can’t hold in the pain
I am breaking and nobody realize my pain
I think it’s too late
Suicide is all over my face

Sprouted like the sun
Holy gift from above
Little to no water
Blossom with no love
Stand bright and tall
Pretty sunflower
In the distance that all
But closer you will see
It’s just a figure of imagination
Cause It never blossom at all
**** destroyed it
And the Mother Nature give no love
Left this poor child no hugs
Now I feel no love
Cause I was never show none
Now I grow up to hate and fear none
Just a pretty sunflower
With no love