The words that are on my lips
Fall away like water beneath ships;
There is not a soul to give me tips
In this unfamiliar territory of pips.

I cannot utter a single word
To another person I'm like a bird,
Whose cries are far too high to be heard
Thus my insides begin to violently curd.

Under a rug my emotions have been swept
And only on certain nights have I wept,
All of my unruly doubts have leapt
Yet I still appear to be quite unkept....

i remember every carefully constructed smile
that i composed for you
a melody
that i prayed
would snag you.
my eyes crinkled
into rainbow smiles
all their own
plump lips shaped
perfectly
dimples placed
with practice
just in the right spot.
you told me
over and over
"don't look at me like that"
jokingly
"you're destroying me"
you'd say
as you laughed
and smiled back
into mine
i wish i had known then
that every carefully composed smile
was wasted on you
you took my smile
and smiled it at a hundred other girls
you not only stole everything
that had ever made me smile
but you took my lips, too
no more
smiles

Stricken from crown to chin.
Make the gag cover my vocal spin.
Let the earplugs cut my hearing thin.
A blindfold ******* to my temples let no sight in.
The archangel whispers through the din.
" Is it better to die than to sin ? "

Waging a feud on GREED is high.
Painted enemies, " ENVY !!! " they cry.
With a lance ****** for LUST, its point never dry.
To lean on SLOTH for a maidens sigh.
She served soldiers GLUTTONY pie.
Wine flowed freely and WRATH comes nigh.
PRIDE laughs with dagger at your backside.
The archangel growls, " To sin is to die."

Behold my confessional appointed slot.
Forgive me Father, for I knew not.
Be merciful to me, O God, for I cannot.
Why am I forsaken, to such common lot ?
Peace be still... delivered in a resounding shot.
Death is better than sin, my last thought.

She lay with her back to him, face to the wall, says: “Nothing is black and white. All shades of grey. I wanted it to be… just wish it was white.”
She placed the cracks in her voice at calculated places, hoping but no reply expecting. He is usually not aware of her subtleties, the hints to the real state of things, with her. Then he lays his arm around her as he says: “At least it’s grey, not black.”
Her eyes widen in the dark but do not flinch, and she pulls him by his hand closer onto her, wishing it was the only touch she needed to bring her the ultimate comfort that she wanted, that she needed.
“But I’m afraid, the black will seep in and make the grey darker.” She swallows, suppressing her fear for speaking fatalities. “Sometimes it seems like it has and does.”
Silence falls over them as she waits for an answer; the black stylised curls he drew on his wall gaze back at her, with still, reciprocating wonder.
She reminisces to how she drew curls on her own wall, with the artistic charcoal she got for her fifteenth birthday; it was a meagre gift from the one to whom she would lose her virginity barely a few months later. Now, the curls are gone, and her contact with him fell away soon after the fact, reduced only to sporadic visits on her part.

Finally, listening to his steady breathing in sleep, she is convinced he had given up the conversation, feeling comforted that he reassured her enough for now. Her eyes remain open still though; they peer through the darkness as if it held her fortune, solitarily illuminated by the stars shining through the skylight above her. It is relating conflicting prophecies however.
If I was as pure as white, no black could – would contaminate my love for him, she thinks. But white is for virgins and she has been in love before.

© 2006

I cannot recall
time
before Him
before pain

I was naked
and blindfold
I think I tried
to escape
but He caught me
suddenly all was dark
I cannot recall
anything
but pain

And I cannot escape
He has taken my legs
and replaced them
my arms too
with metal bars
ending in o-rings
He tied me up

I think I tried
to bite Him
when He tried
to **** my mouth
the pain
Then it was dark
and I woke up
with rubber teeth

I saw a glimpse
of the room
the pain
the chains
the hooks
and His face

I can no longer see
He took out my eyes
with frightful images
and acid
more pain
but I still remember
watching the others
me
on video
in pain

I cannot hear
only His breath
bearing
the screams in my mind
echo
but nobody hears

But I can smell
I smell
Him
I smell iron chains
and clasps
And I smell His breath
His sweat
His *****
I smell blood
and burnt skin
and pain
maybe my own
maybe theirs
I don't know

I understand now
He is God
I am His
creation
His toy

I killed another one this week
in front of everybody
her beauty gradually faded
as I starved her
and watched her wither
at one point I regretted it
and tried to revive her
I gave her plenty
but she drowned
and left a foul smell
of decay