bring back who i was
how mean can you be
taking everything away from me

that night you left
was the same night
something died within me

bringing something back from the dead
how convenient that can be
if only i was God, I'll forever keep that feeling alive

oh to love and be loved
how beautiful it would be
if someone is out there for me
won’t you reach out to me

I thought the only way
was to only numb the pain
took every turn till my life was a blur
I was with filled regret
I wished that we never met

been almost a year
yet I still feel you here
you held me down
and I see that now

I thought I was over you
till I saw your face
that beautiful tender grace
brings me back in a spiral daze

I felt better seeing you since October
I knew then I can't hold you ever
cause after all I've been through
I'm not the same person you knew

Now I live a little
indeed I still feel brittle
but I'll keep trying to be better
this time I hope to see you never

I admit I still love you
but there's no going back
I have to accept what I did
and not lose track

If ever our paths cross again
a smile would be enough
so that I know letting you go
was a better option of making you grow

maybe if i did things right
would you be with me?
i just wish i could turn it back
back when i had the chance

you don’t seem to exist anymore
for me that’s unbearable
I came looking for you
even without hopes or a clue
hoping i’d stumble upon what i lost
wish the universe can bare with my simple cause

the more I miss you
the more i hurt
if missing you would **** me
i’d live for a million times

ever since we lost it
I never seem to find it
I changed my ways
went through my own dark days
yet all I could still think of
is that day you took off
I slipped my chance
lost you at a glance
all because I was lost
I can’t hold you without a cause
now I’m changed
better than my previous page
still I’m stuck on us
and i hope you aren’t

Blue was my favorite as a kid
I didn’t know why till now
blue kisses I give
no one seems to notice how

with none to love
none to have
alone as before
i’m used at being bored

heed my warning
blue kisses i give
i wished i knew this before
before i gave you that kiss

I'll be stubborn and keep writing
while knowing this leads to nothing
trails of paper I leave
mountains I heave
with hopes I'll recover
till then I slumber

seeing you heal feels a huge relief
watching you from here makes me proud
but I ask you this, how do you do it?
maybe it falls onto me that I swore to you too much
to the point I can't let go
or maybe I just refuse to let you go

I chose to love one
even now I choose no one
a curse I cast upon me
a curse I accept wholeheartedly
no amount of love can exceed
to what I gave and did
maybe someone could do the same
but we both know
no one else but us
can inflict this much pain

I'll be far, far as much as I can
even though deep down I know
I'll be near as soon as I hear your name
pathetic as I can be yet mundane

Chaos was all I ever knew
Oh how I envy you
I traded my heart for a can of stew
for wanting to give everything to you

I'll trade my life for one more night
one more late night walk
or maybe just a late night talk
while I get mesmerized as you spoke
or maybe just one more dinner
and after we'll wash the dishes together
and only then I'll be alright.

We agreed i’d let you be
But i just don’t want you to see
How worse i have been
How poisonous i could be

I told you that i’ll stop writting
I can’t keep those words
When i only shelter to these poems
Without you i’m cursed

I can’t face the world with my back empty
All I need was for you to be with me
But i know now it’s impossible to see
You again, just right next to me

I feel safe from the comfort poems give
While reminiscing from the moments we’ve
Cherished at the time where everything felt right
And nothing could ever change my mind
That you are right for me this time

Now we’ve gone back to how it really was
No connection nor communication
Back to how much of a stranger we are
Wish i could bring it back
But were deep enough our path
Still i’m willing to walk with you
Hoping you would still be willing too

Maybe in another dimension
We could walk side by side
Hand in hand
But now i’ll just be happy to what we had

Everytime i write
It’s still you that fill my mind
It might not be well for me
But i was never well without you
This heart always calls your name
And i know so do you

I may breathe independently
Or i may not need your sympathy
But deep down i know
Some part of me wished
You were here still beside me..

We let things come and go
To and fro
but for some reason
Letting you go aches me so

One day we'll be okay
till then we stay
it will all make sense
everything will coalesce

pain will exist
as to why I'm writing this
bare with every kiss
even if not in a bliss

A walk from home took me miles
a walk from home would be different
if home was so full of smiles

The sun never compared to those eyes
With burning passion enough to melt ice
Who knew a gaze could feel warm
Warm enough to feel like home to no harm

Lay onto me while gazing through
Reaching hotter than the sun
Lay your body against mine
And burn for more heat we can barely stand

Don’t shy away for these eyes shine,
That shine brighter reflecting from yours
I hope time passes slow for us
For you to look into more deep
Till i could barely contain the heat

From shallow halls to painted walls
Each time it fades, we put it back to place
Heavy time forever mine
These cobwebs stick, entangled minds

As we dance to our song played
Along with the sky dim but star gazed
Blew of cold winds to our skins
The only warmth we felt was ourselves

Yesterday was a gloomy day
The only thing i knew
Was your heart that day
Now i’m covered in cobwebs
With entangled mind
How did it come to this
How did it led to tears

You’ll always be a drug that i can’t help but take
You wring out my cents, captivated by your scents that makes my world make sense

Soberiety is a state i avoid, keep me high, keep me in this void
You leaving me will wake me up from this slumber
This dream i’m having, i hope it lasts forever

Let me be the only one that you intoxicate
I’ll let my sanity be tamed even self contained
Let me in to feel the sensation, held by your temptation

Path left unprotected is a path bound to be neglected
Misty and weary eyes, stare at the roads with lows and highs
Gaze upon the road no that has no end
Only to see, it leads to a cliff, a dead end

Dismantling every possession, made pact and became a possession
I fell deep and as deep as i go, the higher you go
Capture the love you need that you deserve
And maybe i’ll fall more deeper, deeper till i feel no nerve

If the eyes you seek were eyes that are not weak
You seek solice to the eyes of someones so meek
If i pour rain your cup shouldn’t be filled
For the roof is for protection that i built

Clouds take up a storm, thunders that form
It gets heavy as i take in
Don’t mind if it starts raining
Releasing is part of it don’t catch the sick of it

How long can everything last
moments we lost count
feels nothing but stored only in the past

These arms are no home
Only pains to hold and let go
keeping you close don't keep you safe
holding you back, I'm out of place

For the while we intertwine
Keep the memory of joy
or even the times we whine
even cried

Never forget where we started
let it be a lesson for how we ended

Knowing it wears on heavy
Every words has it’s own effects
Bound to indicate how much it affects, Us

Working it out takes toll
Days, months and years
All this time i never were able to run dry

Who knew weariness can catch up to me
Many weights add up, heavy for us to lift up
Maybe if doubts were straight

We never would have felt this way….

Time will come where words won’t match
Feelings unattached, colors mismatch
Having no clue to what to do
But look where the mess you made
brought you..

Whimper seen, misty scene
Foggy till i lose sense
Making it hard to coalesce

Maybe love can fix
Maybe love can amend
But it won’t be easy
Because love is not enough

Make it seen, even effects shown
For day by day
Bits get taken away
I still for that day to come
Where i see your smile reach up your eyes

Powered through the night
Even stars that watch get caught by the light
But only goes for so far and for so long
Even stars lose it’s track, no turning back

I manifest for sunlight to seep through blinds
See through lies, seek full ties
To receive such warmth and light
Like a solar
Keep me through the night

May the heavens give you reasons to stay when you have none left
And time to spare for little moments we deeply care

Part of me where still resides inside of you
that resemble my flower in a stormy field

I still hold what's left of you
that's grown big enough to resemble the tree
that can't be move by even strong winds...

My dearest star in this empty night sky
Hold my hand till you bid goodbye
Sun will always rise my dearest star
Dry those eyes for I won’t be far
I’ll always be close wherever you are
The sun will soon rise
But i still want to stare at your dearest eyes
The sun will soon rise
My dearest star

In another timeline

There will be days where I can't fathom
can't handle
selfish to say but I expect you to be my candle
may you be lit or not
just stay with me.

All you ever wondered was chasing clouds
In all every of it's form
unsatisfied to which bounds
hard to catch and deform

While the clouds are what you chase
I stay focused on you
unlimited to my case
because you are my cloud
in all every of it's form..

I talk behind these closed curtains
Where tears echo to the sound of it’s drop
And every silent gasp you hardly maintain
behind every curtain
Is a smile exhausted
And i don’t watch from the audience
I stay behind curtains
Behind your burdens i see

I've written new, far from being blue
for seeing you is flames burning in the snow
light that sustains forever glow
if ever it dims and weakness show
do not worry
I have more things to make you burn
more things to make you grow
for giving me the warmth
it's my turn to give you hope

As we dance gracefully in the heat of the moment
We burn for more than we could imagine
We dance without care
We cry heart out
And till we can’t
For it’s all burnt
Too late to extinguish

This shell that i portray
Where dark and misty mindset and thoughts
Don’t cover of what’s in me
There a safe space beneath under this mess
That can offer anything
Even nurture a seed
For i’ll hold you for as long as i can

I would cherish our relationship as to a bread
For i’ll pick and save even the crumbs

To when two point come to misunderstanding
would it be to understand alone or to make way for the other to understand

Let me hear your thoughts
see your troubles
feel your pain
only then will I ever be useful

There are days that I can stand nor understand
but I comprehend in the end
things will come clear
like how inevitable a fog is
if you wait you shall see
till then be at peace

Raise you heart, offer your world
pride have sunk on the ground
**** up the words
for I want to give rather than recieve

I intent to cope with expression
but drown with frustration and agression
I want to be cleared out of this sea of thoughts
and fasting mind that eat me up
now I write only to express
unable to cope

You wish for a star so from a far
unable to reach it from a far
settling in what's bearable
I felt unfavorable

Befriend the existence of your loneliness
because only then you'll feel
the company of yourself

If i told u that i lost hope in me too
Would you also lose it?
Leaving me wondering to take
Precautions that i make
One step and one breathe away
For it all to crumble
Get taken by the wind away