I love him
Because I have known him forever
And because I can't help it
He's my father

But don't get me wrong
I don't like him
Not as a person
Or as a parent
Or as a human

There is something about bathroom stalls
That is just so comforting
No one can see me
No one can hear me cry
I can finally breathe
And sit there
Tears rolling down my cheeks
And hands over my ears
Trying to block out all incoming sound
Making patterns in my head with the tiles

Every place has one
Bathroom stalls are my consistent safe space
And I know it sounds stupid
But I don't know what I would do without them

why does he attempt to
harm me with his words

when I try to let them go
you know
by staying silent and calm
he comes back harder
in an attempt to provoke

I try and try and try
but I can't lie
it's hard sometimes

it's hard sometimes for me to get past my pain

because I know he wont care about it

Shove those feelings
Deep inside you
Dance
Remember to smile
Is it okay to look down?

Fear? Anxiety? Doubt?
Save it for later
Can't let it out now

Just so what she does
She seems to know
Hands up then
Hands low now

Shove it all down
Save it for later
Now it's just bubbling
But I know soon
It will boil over

Loud music
The bass shaking the ground and my mind
Loads of people dancing around
Shouting "ay, ay, ay!"
Bright lights spinning
Dizziness

The music is too loud
Too many people crowded around
Lights moving too fast
Everything seems like it is closing in on me
And collapsing

My picked thumbs
Bleeding
In such throbbing pain
But I'm sorry I missed a detail in your funny story
When you wanted to speak
Anyhow
You didn't notice

Cold and tired
But I'm covered and can't sleep
Sad and angry
But I won't let myself scream or weep