Liana

Liana 1d

Take a deep breath
And just exist bro
Thats all you need to do

Like a cat
Staring out the window
Just being
It just is
Lying there in the sun;
Just living
Not caring about doing ****

All you need to do in life
Is live
Just keep living
Keep on floating
Just keep swimming in life
I mean dory was on to something

We just need to be
I am not a human doer
I am a human being after all

We don't always have to be doing something
We don't always need to be filling our mind to the brim
It just makes a storm inside
Makes you feel tense
All the time

That's why we scroll
Why we are so hungry for entertainment
It empties our mind
But what if we could just train ourselves
To achieve that anyways
By just sitting by a river
Or by your dog

When you realize that you can just be
You can just exist
You start to do things because you want to
And not because you need to
Those everyday things that you do
That you felt like you needed to do
You are now doing because you want to

And you FEEL the difference
In your whole soul
And it changes everything
It's peaceful

You are no longer pushing back
Tiring yourself going against everything
Because you need to be doing SOMETHING
Just exist bro

Be like a cat

I know I sound like a hippie high on smoking *** or something with a cigar in my hand but I'm right
(Plus hippies are awesome and I basically dress like one soooo)

Doing things is awesome but sometimes you just need to be

Liana 4d

Stood up and spoke

I stood up from my chair in class
With anger and passion and pain in my eyes and my soul waiting to be let out and to be freed
To be seen
And heard
For ideas
For minds to be change
I stood up from my chair in English class
And I spoke from my soul

I said what wasn't fair
That we are so molded by our surroundings
That we should reform so much
That our minds are being filled with unnecessary knowledge and unbearable pain everyday
That we are looked down upon
That we are treated as possessions
But that we alive
All of us

I spoke of the fisher
Who killed the fish
So it would float and follow the stream
And of monsters in our minds that our peers are luring out every day

And the kids laughed
And I think I saw a tear in one eye
But I also heard the sounds of clapping hands from most

And my teacher simply said
"Liana, I can't do much and I know that
Buy I thank you
For trying to change the world"

I smiled

Yesterday in English class (I can't believe I actually did this)

Liana 7d

He's probably gay anyway buttt

I do not often write of love
For I have mostly only been stabbed by the thorns of the rose
I bled
And it left an ugly scar

But I know smell the sweet flowery smell
As I see him in the hallways
With his noise cancelling headphones on

He feels the walls closing in too
He feels thinks the mic tape is itchy too
He knows the feeling of blood pouring down your body
He feels things deeply too

He saw the face of panic
He took me somewhere quiet
I calmed down
He calmed down
We sat there in silence
Laughed
Nothing like that has ever happened before

"Beautiful" he called me
Is that flirting
Or is he just being friendly?

I'm not sure
If he even likes girls
After all, most good guys are gay
But hopefully
He feels the same way

I do not often write of love
But I don't think the sweet smell of the flower
Had ever smelled this sweet before

Met this trans guy and I think I really do like him, but honestly he's probably gay and I seriously have no idea how many of this stuff works. I have never dated anyone, kissed anyone, or even written about it. That makes it real. hope he likes girls :D

Liana Mar 30

Different

They said I’ve changed
That I’m different than I was in September
That they liked her more

Of course they did
She was another dead fish going with the stream
She was scared
She didn’t want to make them upset

She tried to pretend that she was sane
That she was normal

She was sad
All the time
She was trying not to cry

She’s gotten better
Why is that not good enough for you?

The scars are starting to heal
Don’t make me make new ones

People make small comments/jabs about how I was better before.

Liana Mar 30

Untitled

Razor
To
Skin

Pain
Pain
Pain

I am alive
I am screaming for help
It is silent
Like my cry

Why
Why
Why

I think it’s gotten to the point
Where only poetry can save me

I did something that reminded me of my dad, and it was just too much.

Liana Mar 26

You just died

Stay with me here,
You have just died
…
Take a moment to acknowledge that
And think about it
Think about how it’s all over

You will never speak to a loved one
cry uncontrollably
Or throw up as your mother caresses your back

You will never compliment another stranger
Or have a silent panic attack

You will never get a bad grade
Or lose a friend
For you are now dead

Congratulations, you made it this far
Was what I thought
Crying and jumping outside in the rain of New Year’s Day
As if I would never step into my house again

I was not nearly as happy that I got an A on that essay
Or that I’d exercised that one day

I was the most happy that I survived that one bad day
that I felt sad
I felt overcome with rage
Or overwhelming happy

I was alive
That was life
And it was everything
While simultaneously being nothing

We live to die
But we live to live on

Just enjoy now
Or don’t

Be positive
Or don’t

Play the piano that is our life to the fullest and
Most beautiful song;
The one with black keys too
But they don’t feel right in their own, do they?

I can only remember though
I suppose
Because we are both dead right now
Busy looking from a different point of view

Liana Mar 23

I got help

I asked
I spoke
I cried
I got help

I guess not everyone ***** after all

Texted my friend tonight when I was in a really bad place and she really helped. She was so shocked when I told her about everything. I really want to hug her, but once again it’s nit possible. 😭❤️