A gentle throbbing at first
Then with the hands twist
The journey begins
Reality replaced by road
Metal and man as one

That's what he misses today
Throbbing but from surgery
To save a life to ride again

He sleeps under anasthetic
He dreams
More and more
The wind gets stronger
As it tugs at him
The engine drowned by music
Ipod at full tilt
Throttle to match
He is alive

A car cannot do this to a man
It cannot feed the soul
As once he said

Four wheels move a body
Two wheels stir the soul

In solitude my thoughts bait me
Like a pack of dogs with no reason
Thought after thought
No order
No sense
No purpose
Just the restless mind playing games
Scenarios like the minds eye is a stage
Playing the day back
Past situations
Alternative outcomes
A reality based on make believe
A waking dream if you will
A counterpoint to the nightmare life can be
So is it really solitude
No not with the thoughts
The thoughts of the black dog.

The pen is mightier than the sword
Now that is a crock of ****
If you never learnt to read or write
You can't proclaim it is
Tell it to a Syrian child
Filled with only fear
You can't eat a pencil
Textbooks get you killed
The west has failed a nation
Rhetoric is hot  air
In the time you took to read this
Another child is dead.

A man rides on a horse
Yet he only owns a donkey
He sleeps with a mistress
Yet he has a wife
What defines him as a man?
His possessions or his actions?
He never owned the horse
The mistress abandoned him
The wife betrayed him
The car was repossessed

What defined him?
A man of our time?
Not my time

Run faster than you can and you may stumble
Run slower and you may not catch up
Stop dead, open your eyes
You will not have to run

Seems to be empathic and care for others
Makes one person wrong in the eyes of another.
How's that work when neither is your lover? Jealousy perhaps of nothing in fact.
To express approval, yet not for you?
What made you exclusive?
Your egos mood
To be kind to many is no crime.
To be nasty to one is, I think you will find.
No longer will I bother or show support
To those who take comfort in destroying that cause.

Tickles your fancy it does
Its wrong you know it shouldn't do
But as his **** hit the floor
I really wanted to applaud
I picked him up all a fluster
His girlfriend laughing like a ******
Me back! .Me back he cries in pain
Still she laughs in his face
Where humour was it Is no more
Yet she laughs more and more
Like an evil witch she mocks him still
Reality check if I was him!

Listen to the radio
Talk of war and famine
Then they play a cheery tune
From a manufactured band
Then an oldie I remember as a teen
Realise I heard it when I was 16
Life is like a highspeed train
Until it goes a miss
Then it's like a freight train crash
Then it's all a mess
But in reverence to grammar
The announcer makes it all
Sound like the weather
No emotion at all

Morning came, Monday again but not as cold as yesterday
She shuffled like a caterpillar emerging for the spring
Tucked up in her onsie, a safe place to hide, all toasty warm inside

She spent half the night stary eyed, gazing into the sky
The first cup of coffee like a jump start to the soul as she silently screamed "AHA"
The game was afoot!

A poem to read from her friend and co conspiritor, but just hold on a mo, "Oooh Ladyboys" it isn't what she thought!

So Sherlock Shaw was on the case to try and find the truth, not like the BBC and Cumberbatch their "Bitter *******" sleuth

She smelt a rat or was mistaken was it someone else?
Too early in the investigation to shout " let battle commence" it was more like "Deputy Dawg" in Sherlock Shaws defence

So Google this and Google that in a bid to find the truth.
Skip past Sonia and Fernando and Lyn if you must, focus on the detail.
Who is Micheal Wolf?

A name is but a name like
"Bang I'm James Bond"
The devil is in the detail
Like many other things!

So this time lets have laughter as you read, as tears were my last wish
As Alan Partridge said:-
"Smell my cheese you mother"
I'm exactly who I said
Not Spartacus or Michael Wolfe
Just a bloke on the tinterweb

Trying to hold onto a moment.
Its like holding a firecracker.
Fabulous in all its parts, but gone in a flash.
Trying to live a dream is like lying asleep all day.
Believing things will just go away,
Only Invites them to stay.
Often not knowing what to do.
Or why where or when
Its the fundamental torture that haunts us every day.
Is the grass greener ? Or just another lawn.
You still end up mowing it, if you move across..
So look at what you have!  Look at all it's good.
Talk and try to reason, so your not misunderstood.
I don't have your answers, to your problems or you woes
I've enough to keep me going, just with my own.
So go and find your self and look everywhere
As when you find the perfect you, no one else will care.

Dinner is done table cleared guests are gone the sink is filled

Off she trots marrigolds on, hands in studs he watches on

Stood in heels she rocks and sways, a long time since she looked that way


He stares and smiles as he catches her gaze an inviting look to come her way

Hands on hips he kisses her neck as she pushes back their body's engage

She lifts her skirt and leans across inviting him to come on in

Two as one they now engage
The dishs simply have to wait.....

I was once told " If I fell over a lover I wouldn't notice ."  Then another day "
Your hearts a swinging brick!"
  To be berated and ridiculed for holding my love's close counsel.
Whilst watching the poison in others dye the cloth, the skin, nay the belligerent SOULS of those they saw happy and envied so that had to hurt.
They care not for my swinging brick nor a fragile heart of a woman now glued together with salty tears, it's life journey a ride they could never envisage nor take nor understand. Yet they judge.
They judge yet not fit to speak your name nor be in thy presence.
I morn not their passing nor degredate their views. I shall not waste pity upon them.
Why? Because I'm your friend and waste not my time upon harbingers

They say if you play with fire you will get burnt
They dont tell you where the burn will be
The fire can be in the mind, the heart or the flesh
The burns superficial, deep in tissue or worse
Your soul
So when looking to a daliance or a tryst
Remember this
The burns inside that no person can see
Last a lifetime
Believe me

How many beats do you get with a heart
If you miss or skip, does god take an hr?
If it's broken by one do you lose a week?
When loved by another do you gain a year?
If it's fast from food or a little much pop
Does old father time hasten your clock
If you go to the gym, be good or eat well
Does it slow down the journey to heaven or hell ?
Elle sweet thing we simply don't know !
But the love of you mother makes yours beat on
So listen to hers as you did in the womb
For it still beats for you, your never alone x

I could see fragility in her eyes I had never seen there before
For my friend always smiles, always has counsel for others, always there, even when she is hurt this is different, painful too see
Too try to explain that look in any child’s eyes would be almost impossible
Lost, empty, fearful, distraught
Seeing it in a grown woman’s face was no different.
Week by week I see her face
It counts down in anguish, like a clock
Irony some call our faces clocks!
But I swear it counts down with each view, the sadness weighs the skin, and the eyes try to hide the hurt
Not detracting from her beauty, oh no
At fifty she still has the looks of a woman a decade younger, at least, and the body to complement that, but her voice is her jewel
Listening to her sing has brought laughter and tears to many, but, I digress
I can't help the one who helps everyone else
The one who always does her bit and more and more often for the unappreciative
I just listen
To watch one you love leave this world is agony
To watch a parent, unimaginable, slow and heartbreaking
The fragility in those eyes is love in its entire splendor
The tears for a man who only ever gave, she was one of his greatest gifts
Soon he will leave and leave behind a precious heart
One of the kindest I have ever known
But those eyes I don't think will ever be the same
But look closely for another star will twinkle in them
That light carries on

Round and round and round it goes
Where it stops you cant know
Just wash my clothes and hurry up

That's ok to say mate.
I know the feeling well.
Sadly those we love seem not to love us.
Sometimes think they have no idea of what indeed a relationship really is.
Just a flag of convenience for emotional pirates.
Like knickers up a flagpole

I fell asleep and then I dreamed
It wasn't what I had perceived
The clock went back to days gone by
When I was in another's life
Why there? Why now?
I have no idea, but a replay of another year
The venue I know it oh so well
The people and the foods aswell
But you and I were never there
I can't recal just why that was
But as we left we kissed and hugged
We left as one not as now
Then I woke and you were gone
An irregular dream, well that was one.

My grammar may be rong
My spelin may be crap
My poems may make ya smile
They may make ya cry
Neither nor either or
My where when were a mess
Thank god their tis an editor
To sort the awful mess.

So much repetition in each day
A reverence to pointless tasks for mindless people
We can improve this, modify that and all that's left
Is the remains of what worked
To get ahead you must now show evidence
Evidence you re invented the wheel
Streamlined a task made it longer
You lived up to the red tape challenge!!!
We now need a budget for more red tape
But you got your next step up
I despair at what monster reform has created

The beautiful halfmoon in the sky
The velvet scent of the gardens blooms
Her face caught in the light of candles
Her eyes like amber in their glow
The scent of her skin, the touch of her hands
The things I remember most
Her kiss
None of these compared to her coldness
An arctic frost surrounded her heart
When it thawed a beauty beyond compare
Yet it was not seasonal
It's warmth was random, driven in self worth
It was never mine

We seem to run from all that we can't understand
Or label it as wrong, dismiss it as false
If we knew what was right, or what wasn't wrong
Would we be any better people or less of a person?
Fighting each day to just see through the fog
The fog that covers all, spares none.
A deep white veil that clouds the minds of the bigots
Gives pulpit to the zealots and a space to hide for the evil
So a new year a new day a new life, but for me?
Business as usual

Notes from
"Walking back from the edge of sanity"

Lie to someone.
Fashion that lie.
Sell it like the truth.
Wrap it like reality.
Once complete, all ends tied,
then you smuggly think they won't see it.
Play on the heart strings.
Then they think...
Hey I just got one over on them.......
As you walked away with that warm feeling, did you hear it?
The laughter..
For they knew
Live the illusion
For the Empire crumbles
Even the rats leave the ship as its very timbers come apart
Soon, not long now

I bid you!
Step back and look at relationships.
Love
when did it become a taboo word.
When did actually working for something become so so hard?
Do we fall in love or has it now become a matter of social engineering based on salary and position?
Or has it always been that way?
Has love become an asset?
Is it obtainable or disposable?
Have we become the embodiment of Barbarella?
Dial 9 for ***?
Do we even know what love is anymore?
We place so many restraints upon ourselves.
Date sites read like you want to build your partner from Lego!
"Must be tall"
"Must be athletic"
"Must be blonde and have blue eyes"
Hell it reads like the 1930s Aryan manifesto!
What changed?
What did we lose?
Granted we were never taught how to love.
Just steered by examples around us and the media.
We get no guide.
For a relationship is a series of events.
A partnership of compromise and putting others first.
That is love
The actuality of giving freely
The fluidity in being of more than ones self.
As with no guide to success, there is no guide to what works.
So giving up before we start has become so so easy.
Not even giving someone a chance as they are an inch below you.
Not meeting her because she is a size bigger than the cover of a magazine model that is an airbrush fake in any case.
Mankind has become a species of apathy.
If Neil Armstrong was born now he would be sat in a bar not walking on the moon.
We don't nurture anything.
We lost our way.
We have lists.
We no longer know who we’re looking for.
Maybe if we worked backwards.
Ask the couple in the park on the bench in their 80s what made you love?
Not how did you meet or where.
What made you try?
With millions of people what made you special.
We now write of sitting watching DVD s on the couch and growing old together, must love cats, why? Do you want an individual or another pet?
A lap dog.
You can party with anyone.
Friends family hell even the cat.
But finding someone who knows us, who understands us even on a bad day is what we need.
The excitement and thrills will come in any case with all of lifes ups and downs.
But only if "You" are prepared to take a leap into the unknown.

Know what a kettle feels like inside as it boils?
I thought not
Know what it feels like to be wrapped in cling film?
No
Know what it feels like to be buried alive yet walking around?
I mean who could
Know what it feels like to want to just disappear?
She does
She knows
It's her everyday
You call it odd
Dr calls it bi polar
She calls it hell

A collection of things I'd best not have done, but did them all the same
Ever wondered why you feel this way
A body filled with a billion cells, none knowhing what to do or say
From pillar to post shaken and stired every day
A day in here or a night out there, all the same in many ways
A work in progress, a life incomplete? The sum total of years in deep
So sod the rules and scream out loud, We want more!
To fill our lives
Follow my lead and fly the nest your 18 now and full of zest
So when it's done and they toast my *** I want them to know I had a life
I put the best of me into you and watched it grow each day
Tonight I watched you spread your wings and now you fly away
I taught you well and you will go and leave an empty space
But night or day I'll be there and call me anytime
Because all grown up remember now
Your still my little girl

He can't please them all
But he really tries
The late and the great at 10.55
We started at 8 where were you then
Fit you in? Joking again

But he gets to sing his favourites first
From 8 to 830 when no one is there
Then later when drunk the wallflowers appear
Hi Mr DJ give us a kiss

If seen once, seen thousands of times
Too many shots and a glint in their eye
Hungry for the man with the voice and the Mic

But disappointed again they are
For when the nights done, off he will run
Till next time he shouts those beckoning words
"Its  Kareoke "...to be fair.

Clear cut, razor sharp
The mind of a killer as it stalks
Yeah but didn't see glass coming to trap you
I hate spiders!

Her eyes glance across the room
That look of loving no other has
The hair tossed as she turns to face me
She crosses and uncrosses her legs in  anticipation
I go to stand up and she is upon me
Her tongue wet and on my face
Ok Ok I'll get your lead and take you walkies

I find myself back in the spiral of hell.... whilst life is so precious
Yet each day disappears into the book of yesterday.
The book of yesterday written in time as you dealt with life and it's challenges and changes
Being there for all who needed you
Everyone's rock, was how you rolled
I don't believe your time wasted as you evolve, grow, learn
That is what moves us on from our past
From its pleasures and pains
It's spirals may be a road to hell
Yet not its destination
In truth you can never regain that time or change how you spent it
There is no exact science in life, no guide
We get no directions no choice of emotions
Some will hurt, some heal and life will go on
Somewhere if your lucky you share the journey
Not always all of it, but some
So to set out to live for today, is the only course you can chart
If your lucky your course may cross another's and the journey becomes an adventure filled with sunny days
Remember tomorrow isn't written and you will never get back time
Your future lies there, not in the book of yesterday.

Tonight I was painting my dads garden planters. I built them for him last year. At 85 he is too old to bend down to ground level. So I decided to raise his garden up three feet. Now he has immense pleasure in being able to garden again. While I was painting away listening to music he came out with a cuppa. I was listening to Rachmaninoff. His 2nd piano concerto. I love it. Dad used to play it to us when I was a child. Brings so many good memories back. He stood listening and said that's beautiful who is it. At that point I thought how cruel growing old is. One of his favourite pieces of music and he didn't recognise it. I was about to say come on pops you must know this then I saw the look in his eyes. As though he was in his youth hearing this masterpiece for the very first time. His mind decades in the past. At the end he raved about it. I said what it was and he processed the thoughts and said yes I have it played by the man hinself on an LP. Then tells me John Barry used it in the Movie Somewhere in Time. His brain now full speed ahead.
We have good days and bad days in lifes journey. Dad and I have had to many bad ones of late.
But I learned something from him again tonight. Always remember ..
We are all just somewhere in time.
Use that time wisely.

Waves of emotion stir the surface of it's sea
A sea deep, uncharted yet sailed upon
It's currents are passionate thoughts
The depths filled with shadows of lost lovers past
Her shores are washed with boundless opportunity
Many storms have changed the lands its touched
Now it's waves are calm and simply ripples
For loves dark shores are days away
Adrift in the Sargosa sea that is my love
A love for all yet reasoned for one

Wide awake at 5 am, I lye here again
Should I be in another's bed or they be here with me instead
Awake to soon before the sun, only birds sing their song
Turn over now and try to sleep before the day for me begins

What has the mind to do to keep its balance
Its ever changing chemistry is in flux
Foods medication emotions to mention a few
The things that change its balance
What makes me and you
Can imbalance on one, be countered by another?
Or does that fuel a conflict if one changes mood
So ive been to the mountain and mohamud wasn't there
I've kicked around loves dusty streets when only I was there
I've look inside my soul to find I was not there
Daydreamed I'm invisible so no person sees my fear
Overridden ridden on, and been a crash test dummy
Where I've been and what I've done no longer seems of worth
I simply eat sleep breath and wander on a planet you call earth
If aliens exist look no further now for I walk among you every day as though I'm not even there

I thought I knew of life
Exhilaration, fear, fright, love
I thought I knew my mind
Dreams, wants, needs
I thought I had the answers
Future, past, present
I thought
I was wrong
Then I knew
I was wrong
I knew nothing

I sat in my car and watched the faces on the train
Some sad some happy, what were they thinking
Then I paid my toll at the tunnel
How many faces all going places had she seen today
Then I opened my texts from people I know, all with agendas
How much we read and can't take in, all things to all men I just can't be
All at once it came to me, it isn't how my life should be
Forfeit the past for futures promise mad be the man I always wanted.
So today I'm closing doors to many I simply can't be yours
I want my life not a mere shadow of yours
Goodbye folks your on your own
I walk the next path I guess
Alone

God looked down and began to laugh
"Look at the mess they made of Earth"
You had it all the best I've made
You burnt and poisoned everything
You torture **** and genocide
Leave no place for good to hide
Free will my greatest of mistakes
You killed my son and walked away
The devil seems to have control
I wash my hands of you all.

Sometimes all we want is to be held
To be told its all ok and fears gone away
To be gently kissed our hair tugged and stroked
To be covered in oil and our weary limbs rubbed

Other days we are filled with the devil and a demon inside
That makes you twitch and feel deprived
Makes you just want to loose control, bent over and banged like swinging door
Then the feeling goes again
Left empty
Cold
And alone

At 3 am when sleep won't call, the mind goes places it shouldn't ought.
To past times of joy and some of pain but mostly to thoughts of future days.
For in those waves between wake and sleep, others walk through your thoughts and dreams.
Some simply pass and head on through, others kick off their travellers shoes.
They pull up a chair and in that altered state are as real as flesh in the wakeing world.
But the thoughts I like and hold most dear are the thoughts that somehow seem quite surreal.
Friends be you close or an ocean away, you wandered into my thoughts today.

I listened to an Aria
The sound of her voice enveloped me
Each note higher in a way that melted me
Madam Butterfly was in the room
My eyes closed I swear I could hear her breath
If I opened them, would she be there?
Then as she came she left
Till next time

I have none
I mean why bother?
For all that you imagine is a nothing of reality
The dreams and plans made, often illusionary and yet, the only substance that carries us through the day
Only to be disappointed again as the night takes its place
We buy into this picket fence reality with the promise of a better life
Follow the rules
Who's rules
They simply don't exist

You didn't see me as I passed: My *** !
My smile fell flat before you like a missed catch
Oh your busy going about your day I know
Places to go people to see but never me
It was as if I don't exist, oh gosh am I dead!
Then who's the voice inside my head
It matters not I guess until your in your next mess
When you once again plague my door with all your woes
I get it, I'm just a mat for you to wipe your shity feet
I can't wait again for that old treat
But next time when you come to call you'll find no one behind my door.

Watching
Always watching
The presence
The persistence of vision
Always there
But never there
Sentinel
Seeing all
Saying little
Absorbing all
Sentinel
Making sense
Sorting out
Impartial
Devoid
Sentinel