She thinks it's smart
She laughs out loud
Oh do take notice
I'm here you know
Here for what?
To simply be seen
Princess of nothing
Queen of despair
You're plastic and false
Alone in your world
You have to laugh loudly
Just to be heard
No cameras no flashes
The blonde hides the grey
Dont teach these young girls
To follow your way
Oh fashion has formed you
Fashioned as what?
A cold lost pretender
Of an age now gone

Plug pulled water gone
Sat semi recumbent
Now heavy no longer buoyant
Gentle popings as the bubbles disappear
This body has changed some
Not how I remember it
Not how it began
Gravity has done its evil work

Deep within are the chared remnants of a once burning emotion
Almost elemental in structure
The flames that burned as bright as a star's corona halo
Yet faded in despair to dark emotionless remains
For many that light will burn as bright as a thousand suns
And burn for their eternity
For others all that is left are the ashes of a love
Now gone, a past
Yet understand emotions are not static
For they wax and wain as the day does
They transform as ice melts or steam rises
Fear anger love hate jealousy are but facets all of the same
Only time and place shows their current state
What is cold to you is the warmth another feels
So don't judge a love of things by your understanding
Simply understand yourself

A gentle throbbing at first
Then with the hands twist
The journey begins
Reality replaced by road
Metal and man as one

That's what he misses today
Throbbing but from surgery
To save a life to ride again

He sleeps under anasthetic
He dreams
More and more
The wind gets stronger
As it tugs at him
The engine drowned by music
Ipod at full tilt
Throttle to match
He is alive

A car cannot do this to a man
It cannot feed the soul
As once he said

Four wheels move a body
Two wheels stir the soul

Buy a computer it's like a baby
It has a bios I guess we do to
You can load both with info
Good or bad
You only get out what you put in
Remember that when you blame a child

We seem to run from all that we can't understand
Or label it as wrong, dismiss it as false
If we knew what was right, or what wasn't wrong
Would we be any better people or less of a person?
Fighting each day to just see through the fog
The fog that covers all, spares none.
A deep white veil that clouds the minds of the bigots
Gives pulpit to the zealots and a space to hide for the evil
So a new year a new day a new life, but for me?
Business as usual

I could see fragility in her eyes I had never seen there before
For my friend always smiles, always has counsel for others, always there, even when she is hurt this is different, painful too see
Too try to explain that look in any child’s eyes would be almost impossible
Lost, empty, fearful, distraught
Seeing it in a grown woman’s face was no different.
Week by week I see her face
It counts down in anguish, like a clock
Irony some call our faces clocks!
But I swear it counts down with each view, the sadness weighs the skin, and the eyes try to hide the hurt
Not detracting from her beauty, oh no
At fifty she still has the looks of a woman a decade younger, at least, and the body to complement that, but her voice is her jewel
Listening to her sing has brought laughter and tears to many, but, I digress
I can't help the one who helps everyone else
The one who always does her bit and more and more often for the unappreciative
I just listen
To watch one you love leave this world is agony
To watch a parent, unimaginable, slow and heartbreaking
The fragility in those eyes is love in its entire splendor
The tears for a man who only ever gave, she was one of his greatest gifts
Soon he will leave and leave behind a precious heart
One of the kindest I have ever known
But those eyes I don't think will ever be the same
But look closely for another star will twinkle in them
That light carries on

They say if you play with fire you will get burnt
They dont tell you where the burn will be
The fire can be in the mind, the heart or the flesh
The burns superficial, deep in tissue or worse
Your soul
So when looking to a daliance or a tryst
Remember this
The burns inside that no person can see
Last a lifetime
Believe me

Dionysius was a clever king
For about power and fear he knew some things
As Damocles wanted more, and so he offered him his throne.
So to sit in power has it's price, for power also has a darker side
Damocles had to choose
Everything or look a fool.
For paried up above his head
The kings sword on a single hair
One hair to hold it in it's place
A risk Damocles could not face
For the king knew of power and fear
Their anxiety In darker hours
For pain also comes with power
Cicero wrote of this tale of how fate plays its game
For love to life, fear to joy, we all have our own sword
A single horse hair held his aloft
What holds yours and at what cost

I find myself back in the spiral of hell.... whilst life is so precious
Yet each day disappears into the book of yesterday.
The book of yesterday written in time as you dealt with life and it's challenges and changes
Being there for all who needed you
Everyone's rock, was how you rolled
I don't believe your time wasted as you evolve, grow, learn
That is what moves us on from our past
From its pleasures and pains
It's spirals may be a road to hell
Yet not its destination
In truth you can never regain that time or change how you spent it
There is no exact science in life, no guide
We get no directions no choice of emotions
Some will hurt, some heal and life will go on
Somewhere if your lucky you share the journey
Not always all of it, but some
So to set out to live for today, is the only course you can chart
If your lucky your course may cross another's and the journey becomes an adventure filled with sunny days
Remember tomorrow isn't written and you will never get back time
Your future lies there, not in the book of yesterday.

I wrote a love song for no one
No special person to hear it
But everyone who listend loved it
All saw themselves in it.

I wrote a love song for no one
I just tried to show my soul
But people just asked questions
Who was it for I wrote

I wrote a love song for no one
It was the way it ought to be
What I imagined love was
The way it should feel

I wrote a love song for no one
Just words like thoughts, mixed up
The highs and lows of wanting
The dreams of love and lust

So if you hear a love song
It may be special just to you
You can guess why it was written
But never know the truth

Know what a kettle feels like inside as it boils?
I thought not
Know what it feels like to be wrapped in cling film?
No
Know what it feels like to be buried alive yet walking around?
I mean who could
Know what it feels like to want to just disappear?
She does
She knows
It's her everyday
You call it odd
Dr calls it bi polar
She calls it hell

He's nice
Quite cute
But a little bit old
He is old fashioned
Not exciting at all

Dresses smart
But not casual
He held open the door
If he was just younger
Or a few inches taller
I'd give that a whirl

Weeks later you're sat there
Listening again
To how an Adonis
Dumped her again
Why can't she meet one
One that's for keeps
When all that you are
Is all that she seeks

Chemistry, spark
All of those things
And none of them
Where you're concerned

So off on her quest
He must be out there!
He's in here you fool
In the opposite chair

She'll never realise
He'll never tell
I simply watch them
As their lifes tick away

I fell asleep and then I dreamed
It wasn't what I had perceived
The clock went back to days gone by
When I was in another's life
Why there? Why now?
I have no idea, but a replay of another year
The venue I know it oh so well
The people and the foods aswell
But you and I were never there
I can't recal just why that was
But as we left we kissed and hugged
We left as one not as now
Then I woke and you were gone
An irregular dream, well that was one.

I thought I knew of life
Exhilaration, fear, fright, love
I thought I knew my mind
Dreams, wants, needs
I thought I had the answers
Future, past, present
I thought
I was wrong
Then I knew
I was wrong
I knew nothing

Overun, past the max
Taken in to much, tipped the stack
All went well till the last straw
Then there she was on the floor
Work and play got all confused
Then she hit the *****
Didn't go **** up all at once
She looked the part and danced the dance
Then the day it all tipped the balance
Now not her or even near
Her friends don't come near
But a day at a time step by step
She rebuilds the life that she regrets

Waves of emotion stir the surface of it's sea
A sea deep, uncharted yet sailed upon
It's currents are passionate thoughts
The depths filled with shadows of lost lovers past
Her shores are washed with boundless opportunity
Many storms have changed the lands its touched
Now it's waves are calm and simply ripples
For loves dark shores are days away
Adrift in the Sargosa sea that is my love
A love for all yet reasoned for one

God looked down and began to laugh
"Look at the mess they made of Earth"
You had it all the best I've made
You burnt and poisoned everything
You torture **** and genocide
Leave no place for good to hide
Free will my greatest of mistakes
You killed my son and walked away
The devil seems to have control
I wash my hands of you all.

Clear cut, razor sharp
The mind of a killer as it stalks
Yeah but didn't see glass coming to trap you
I hate spiders!

Sometimes all we want is to be held
To be told its all ok and fears gone away
To be gently kissed our hair tugged and stroked
To be covered in oil and our weary limbs rubbed

Other days we are filled with the devil and a demon inside
That makes you twitch and feel deprived
Makes you just want to loose control, bent over and banged like swinging door
Then the feeling goes again
Left empty
Cold
And alone

The beautiful halfmoon in the sky
The velvet scent of the gardens blooms
Her face caught in the light of candles
Her eyes like amber in their glow
The scent of her skin, the touch of her hands
The things I remember most
Her kiss
None of these compared to her coldness
An arctic frost surrounded her heart
When it thawed a beauty beyond compare
Yet it was not seasonal
It's warmth was random, driven in self worth
It was never mine

Watching
Always watching
The presence
The persistence of vision
Always there
But never there
Sentinel
Seeing all
Saying little
Absorbing all
Sentinel
Making sense
Sorting out
Impartial
Devoid
Sentinel

Enter the day
Slipping its chains of night
Reminding the birds to sing
The bats to sleep
Foxes and badgers to hide
The sun rises and sets the stage
Be hidden by cloud or high above
Telling the flowers to open
Asking the moon to wain
Even hidden behind dark skies
It rules the day and commands the night
Then in surrender slips away
Enter the night

Notes from
"Walking back from the edge of sanity"

Lie to someone.
Fashion that lie.
Sell it like the truth.
Wrap it like reality.
Once complete, all ends tied,
then you smuggly think they won't see it.
Play on the heart strings.
Then they think...
Hey I just got one over on them.......
As you walked away with that warm feeling, did you hear it?
The laughter..
For they knew
Live the illusion
For the Empire crumbles
Even the rats leave the ship as its very timbers come apart
Soon, not long now

I bid you!
Step back and look at relationships.
Love
when did it become a taboo word.
When did actually working for something become so so hard?
Do we fall in love or has it now become a matter of social engineering based on salary and position?
Or has it always been that way?
Has love become an asset?
Is it obtainable or disposable?
Have we become the embodiment of Barbarella?
Dial 9 for ***?
Do we even know what love is anymore?
We place so many restraints upon ourselves.
Date sites read like you want to build your partner from Lego!
"Must be tall"
"Must be athletic"
"Must be blonde and have blue eyes"
Hell it reads like the 1930s Aryan manifesto!
What changed?
What did we lose?
Granted we were never taught how to love.
Just steered by examples around us and the media.
We get no guide.
For a relationship is a series of events.
A partnership of compromise and putting others first.
That is love
The actuality of giving freely
The fluidity in being of more than ones self.
As with no guide to success, there is no guide to what works.
So giving up before we start has become so so easy.
Not even giving someone a chance as they are an inch below you.
Not meeting her because she is a size bigger than the cover of a magazine model that is an airbrush fake in any case.
Mankind has become a species of apathy.
If Neil Armstrong was born now he would be sat in a bar not walking on the moon.
We don't nurture anything.
We lost our way.
We have lists.
We no longer know who we’re looking for.
Maybe if we worked backwards.
Ask the couple in the park on the bench in their 80s what made you love?
Not how did you meet or where.
What made you try?
With millions of people what made you special.
We now write of sitting watching DVD s on the couch and growing old together, must love cats, why? Do you want an individual or another pet?
A lap dog.
You can party with anyone.
Friends family hell even the cat.
But finding someone who knows us, who understands us even on a bad day is what we need.
The excitement and thrills will come in any case with all of lifes ups and downs.
But only if "You" are prepared to take a leap into the unknown.

Seems to be empathic and care for others
Makes one person wrong in the eyes of another.
How's that work when neither is your lover? Jealousy perhaps of nothing in fact.
To express approval, yet not for you?
What made you exclusive?
Your egos mood
To be kind to many is no crime.
To be nasty to one is, I think you will find.
No longer will I bother or show support
To those who take comfort in destroying that cause.

The stars are out up above
You wonder why the sky is up
Wonder why your down
You try to find an answer in everything that's wrong
Try to face the morning and show the world a smile
Deep inside your dying an atom at a time
Inside  you hurt like hell and no one else can see
So why's the sky above us an answer that you seek
The sky is up to hide the stars that watch over you
They shine at night for you to see to try and raise the smile
Your down because you life is hard not because of stars
Don't think you are the only one who stares in disarray
Who looks up to the evening stars and tries to see a way
A way to fix the broken things that fill your waking day
How to make it all ok and feel alive again
I don't have all the answers not even some of them
But tonight I look at stars do you see them as well

I have none
I mean why bother?
For all that you imagine is a nothing of reality
The dreams and plans made, often illusionary and yet, the only substance that carries us through the day
Only to be disappointed again as the night takes its place
We buy into this picket fence reality with the promise of a better life
Follow the rules
Who's rules
They simply don't exist

My grammar may be rong
My spelin may be crap
My poems may make ya smile
They may make ya cry
Neither nor either or
My where when were a mess
Thank god their tis an editor
To sort the awful mess.

They spoke of her fondly, though in jest
For walking the street she was the best
In younger days with flaxen hair
She escorted fellows everywhere
The years went by she lost her looks
He clients came from local pubs
She often gave them what they needed
And sometimes a few diseases
For her teeth had gone her virtue lost
The drugs had made her pay the cost
A *** workers life is one of knocks
Violence pain and abused till death
The only peace she will get
So when you joke about her life
Suggest a drain plug to dry her out
You talk of someone's little girl
Who was failed by all in this world
No love to hold her close at night
No child to squeeze her tight
No family to mourn her death
No one even knows her name
As she's buried in paupers grave.

I sat in my car and watched the faces on the train
Some sad some happy, what were they thinking
Then I paid my toll at the tunnel
How many faces all going places had she seen today
Then I opened my texts from people I know, all with agendas
How much we read and can't take in, all things to all men I just can't be
All at once it came to me, it isn't how my life should be
Forfeit the past for futures promise mad be the man I always wanted.
So today I'm closing doors to many I simply can't be yours
I want my life not a mere shadow of yours
Goodbye folks your on your own
I walk the next path I guess
Alone

He can't please them all
But he really tries
The late and the great at 10.55
We started at 8 where were you then
Fit you in? Joking again

But he gets to sing his favourites first
From 8 to 830 when no one is there
Then later when drunk the wallflowers appear
Hi Mr DJ give us a kiss

If seen once, seen thousands of times
Too many shots and a glint in their eye
Hungry for the man with the voice and the Mic

But disappointed again they are
For when the nights done, off he will run
Till next time he shouts those beckoning words
"Its  Kareoke "...to be fair.

Dinner is done table cleared guests are gone the sink is filled

Off she trots marrigolds on, hands in studs he watches on

Stood in heels she rocks and sways, a long time since she looked that way


He stares and smiles as he catches her gaze an inviting look to come her way

Hands on hips he kisses her neck as she pushes back their body's engage

She lifts her skirt and leans across inviting him to come on in

Two as one they now engage
The dishs simply have to wait.....

That's ok to say mate.
I know the feeling well.
Sadly those we love seem not to love us.
Sometimes think they have no idea of what indeed a relationship really is.
Just a flag of convenience for emotional pirates.
Like knickers up a flagpole

Tickles your fancy it does
Its wrong you know it shouldn't do
But as his **** hit the floor
I really wanted to applaud
I picked him up all a fluster
His girlfriend laughing like a ******
Me back! .Me back he cries in pain
Still she laughs in his face
Where humour was it Is no more
Yet she laughs more and more
Like an evil witch she mocks him still
Reality check if I was him!

I want to be locked in a closet next to you and feel your breath on my cheek.
I want you to wake and look for me and know today will be okay.
When you look at a view, turn to share it with me.
Tell me all you have to say, then fall asleep with me each day.
Look at your phone and laugh out loud, when you read the nonsense that I've sent.
Pinch my *** as I walk past, declaring it yours and making it known that other women can find their own.
Fall asleep and dream away for you I can wait another day.

Morning came, Monday again but not as cold as yesterday
She shuffled like a caterpillar emerging for the spring
Tucked up in her onsie, a safe place to hide, all toasty warm inside

She spent half the night stary eyed, gazing into the sky
The first cup of coffee like a jump start to the soul as she silently screamed "AHA"
The game was afoot!

A poem to read from her friend and co conspiritor, but just hold on a mo, "Oooh Ladyboys" it isn't what she thought!

So Sherlock Shaw was on the case to try and find the truth, not like the BBC and Cumberbatch their "Bitter *******" sleuth

She smelt a rat or was mistaken was it someone else?
Too early in the investigation to shout " let battle commence" it was more like "Deputy Dawg" in Sherlock Shaws defence

So Google this and Google that in a bid to find the truth.
Skip past Sonia and Fernando and Lyn if you must, focus on the detail.
Who is Micheal Wolf?

A name is but a name like
"Bang I'm James Bond"
The devil is in the detail
Like many other things!

So this time lets have laughter as you read, as tears were my last wish
As Alan Partridge said:-
"Smell my cheese you mother"
I'm exactly who I said
Not Spartacus or Michael Wolfe
Just a bloke on the tinterweb

For days I wondered was she real?
Or was she just a fantasy
A woman who thought as I,
made me laugh so hard I'd cry
She joked with me as though she had known the inner workings of my soul
Each night I'd write before I'd sleep to make her smile after each sleep
I sat and looked across a table as she smiled and joked with me,
the person I had written to was real, now there she was in front of me
We walked and talked drank and ate, then like cinders it was late, she had to make an exit to the train for she had used up all her time
Now this is where the day it ended, oh how I wish that time was bended, for I kissed her sweet inviting  lips and held her in my finger tips
I'm not 16 or 21 but now for us the day is done. I know ill sleep at home tonight for she is my thoughts delight.
I wake tomorrow she's not here, for she is a muse that isn't real!

We all do it, its in our genes
Looking for something however far it seems
Chasing the rainbow the one of our dreams
It's end is a myth, it's never close by
But just like Columbus we try and we try
Chasing a rainbow like a dream or a face
Common sense leaves us as we go to that place
But what if the rainbow you chase has an end?
A finish, a place to begin
A dreams castle or even a tower
A place you can watch the rainbow not chase it

Chase it and find out

Her eyes glance across the room
That look of loving no other has
The hair tossed as she turns to face me
She crosses and uncrosses her legs in  anticipation
I go to stand up and she is upon me
Her tongue wet and on my face
Ok Ok I'll get your lead and take you walkies

A wave of apathetic lack lustre discontent washes over me
As though my day, my dealings are simply unnecessary
Lost, empty and without purpose
No focus no goal, no rainbows end
Simply existing, not living
Turned out for a reason and walked away
Back to the mundane
Back to being simply here

Wide awake at 5 am, I lye here again
Should I be in another's bed or they be here with me instead
Awake to soon before the sun, only birds sing their song
Turn over now and try to sleep before the day for me begins

Love arrived unannounced tipped me up and spun me round.
Last I saw it had gone away long ago alone I stayed.
Then it came back to my life hidding deep within your eyes.
Of course I'm scared who wouldn't be in case it runs away from me.
Oh insecure we all can be when love takes control of everything
A visitor to our hearts creating madness and random thoughts
Unwelcome guest or wanted more you decide when it calls