I would catch her face, drifted of into the past just for moments thinking of him.
The years had passed and I knew she had used me to get over him.
But he was never out of her mind.
The mistakes, excuses. Yes he had cheated on her but she used all she learnt from him to use me.
Then when the time was right.
Move on.
Never be someones second choice or backup plan.

Jesus said believe in me.
The church says
believe in the bible.
Jesus never asked for money.
The church never stops asking!

Running late and running on empty with the kids kicking off and the weather against her.
Has to be there for 835 and at 840 they rolled up outside.
The eldest stroppy as she's back to school the middles in a tantrum and wanted to stay at home.
The youngest crying and wanting a feed and her ******* sore from the infants greed.
Looked at and watched by the perfect mums who have it all and whisper amongst them.
Back to the car and home for the feed she looks in the mirror and what can she see.
Yesterdays make up, still on her face no time to exfoliate.

My mind is somewhere else today. A collective lack of sleep and time being the main  protagonists.
But.. A few things made me chuckle.
A good friend and Vicar posted what looks like a screen shot of a prayer meeting on zoom.
Don't think for one minute I'm bashing their faith or ingenuity. Quite the contrary. Talking to him is a breath of fresh air in my experience of organised religion. However I digress.
There are lots of boxes of the participants. And one blank.
With one dark box. No picture. Then that little voice in my head said.. I wonder if they all out of the  corner of their eye kept looking at the box in the hope it says
  "God joined the meeting"
or it suddenly went blindingly bright and a voice said
"Sorry I'm late it's getting busy here with covid, well I'm not late really am I because time is only a  construct for you."
Would the omnipotent one ask how they all were out of courtesy?
Knowing the answer already?
Which leads me to free will.
If God already knows what's going to happen and what you're going to do what is there to look forward to for God?
As you were

Locked up locked down and some ******* too!
2020 did it all to you.
Hardship and loss fear and withdrawal.
Anger and rants from the quietest we know.
Who would have thought a virus so small and a blonde haired buffoon could have angered us all.
So try and be kind and keep hold of your ****.
I hope to still see you when we're over it.
So for whom the bell tolls?
Well it tolls for us all.
Now 24/7
Not just after 10!

She watched them all, their every move as they turned and swept across the dancefloor.
Every step logged and recorded.
Then at night she danced alone with their shadows.
They were hers

A wardrobe full of dress she had bought on the web.
Never worn for anyone but herself.
A draw full of photos clippings of James Bond wannabes she would always say she loved them but never had chance to meet.
She knows every detail of every ****** position.
But never tried any because that involved people.
Her own little world where she hid herself away.
Where no one was cruel or could ruin her day.
In a world she created as she didn't fit in.
The girl you would love but you never met.