About three years ago I visited the Cavern pub on Matthew Street. My friend Ian Prowse runs the open Mic night. They have two rules. No cover versions and three songs maximum. I hadn't been for a while and was immediately set upon by Ian to sing a song he likes that I wrote. So when the time came. Up I got and sang. After I went to the bar, my nerves shot. I ordered a drink and a lady approached me and said how much she enjoyed it. We chatted and she asked was I there every week. I said sadly no I have other commitments. She then said she would be back next week as working in Liverpool again would I like to meet up for a drink? . I agreed to meet at 7, Matthew Street. I had just met Heidi.
The next Monday I finished work. Jumped the train to James Street and there she was. I asked had she eaten yet and she hadn't. So we went to a little Thai place on South John Street. We sat down ordered a bottle of white wine and made our selections. By the time we had finished the starters there was about 1cm of wine left in the bottle and she was very chatty and loud. Much to the delight of the couple on the table next too us who seemed to hang on her every word.
The main course came and went as did the second bottle. I still hadn't got halfway into my second glass. Now truly smashed she says "I suppose you will want a BJ after this?" The lady on the table next too us almost choked, her husband let out a laugh and I said, I know not why, "That sounds nice, but I was looking forward to the Apple pie with ice cream to be fair."
That was it for the couple next to us. His wife almost had an embolism and he laughed his head off.
Heidi got up threw her napkin on the table, downed her glass of wine in one, announced to the fellow dinners "He's not getting laid tonight" Turned, almost demolished the table leaving, and stormed out. The couple next to me now in tears, the waitress comes to the table and asks "Err is the lady coming back?" I reply No I don't think so.
She then asks would I like dessert?
Before I can say a word the chap on the table next to us says "I hope you have apple pie and Ice cream for the poor guy"
The waitress said "No" and that finished it. Three tables of people laughing relentlessly.
I sat and had melon ***** and they chatted like we had known each other for years.
What of Heidi?
She was never to be seen again.

A morning trip on the 86 off to town to do some work.
The peace all shattered from the third row back and red faces all around.
On her phone for all to hear of another journey had recently.
 The pageantry of his going down, broadcast to all going to town.
I don't know where she got on but we all know now how she got off.
I wonder if she really knows that no one wanted to know.
His skills may have been a thing of awe but on the bus love you're just a ***** !

Can you overdose on happiness and it make you feel insecure?
Can you love so much it hurts you when you think of it?
Can the touch of another make your soul tremble within?
Can the sight of them leaving **** something inside?
Are there more emotions than those we were tought.
Love joy and happiness, fear hate and remorse.
Is the pain of not knowing such  a burden as is loss?
Is there a magic formula to work it all out?
If you could edit past mistakes would it be a total rewrite?
Would you change the characters names or remove them instead?
Or would you leave things the same and learn from your mistakes?
Ask me tomorrow when the game starts again.

Some dads hide and are never there.
Others try to make it work.
Some are blocked and lied about.
Others never gave a ****.
Some are just an ATM to pay without a thankful word.
For some that all becomes to much and then they shed this mortal coil.

I seldom comment when asked of love and what it means to one or another and how perceptions change. Yet, I find myself after the events of the day, and the savage treatment of another to put my thoughts forward.
  Do people change and we or they don't exist or do we discover things that change us. We have an amazing image in our heads of what we want in a partner. Now that may sound shallow but we do. The older we get the more the image changes. Red flags cause that to change on certain behaviours, lies, traits. It is our self defence mechanisms. So inevitably the less we will compromise. Why? Because we changed too. How we were treated changes what we will no longer accept. Our core image of that ideal person changes too. So when you do meet someone it's initally based upon looks then personality, then interactions. If you get one red flag you may compromise. But more and you look for the exit. When young love is blind. It's also deaf dumb and stupid. With age we get wisdom. Out there, there are millions of us. All trying to find something. Some a start. Some an upgrade. Some an end. But in all of that you can only be yourself or it will **** you inside.  Never live a lie to keep someone elses dream alive.
Maybe I should shut up now. Good luck x

We meet people with our emotions locked away.
Over time letting them out one by one as we let people closer. Then eventually if we feel it's right we give people the keys to our hearts.
We expect them to hold that key like a precious jewel.
Some however just add it to a key ring loaded with other keys to other things.
Forgetting until it's too late what that key was for.
The day they remember, often the lock has been changed.

A Happy fathers day to all the dads who gave their all and didn't even get a call.
To the ones that worked and paid for them even if they were never seen.
To the ones that simply faded away because of the caustic games their exes played.