There is
an emptiness that lingers
long after
the dagger of betrayal
pierces
the unsuspecting
heart

I placed all my worthiness
into your nurturing hands
and you cared for me
seemingly unconditionally
so I believed you only wanted
the very best for me
until I knew you didn’t
I grieve many losses
but there’s one in particular
within its cervical grooves
that I am deeply entrenched
tugging on my heartstrings
is this yearning to heal
but I’m trapped inside the core
of every infected cell
with the incurable
mother wound

I am in denial
of this untouchable pain
I cannot heal
Where does tenderness go
when I am not enough?
as shards of shame
pieces of this shattered soul
collect themselves in my fascia
intertwining misery around bones
and dulling my light
with their dense shadows

A collection of masks
hang neatly behind my closet door
ready to cover up vulnerability
willing to wage war
aloof, pretty, **** and sweet,
being more than enough to all I meet
rebellious, witty, charming and mean
willing to do anything
not to be seen
I’ve worn them all
they’ve all worn me out

I must be ready to heal
surrender to uncertainty
be willing to feel
nourish emotional pain
with compassion to be real
to give vulnerability
centre stage
and free my tenderness
from its desolate cage
it’s only when I unmask the concealed
will this shattered soul finally heal

You pulled me in
then pushed me away
you say it’s for my own good
so I don’t tell you I really want to stay

I know you are not cruel
or desire to hurt me in any way
but you left me in a void of uncertainty
and I’m struggling to keep my feelings at bay

My higher self is confident
knowing I will get by on my own
but my ego remains somewhat fragile
believing she will perish if left alone

I find myself creating stories
about how this is affecting you
whether my absence has an impact
or if my ideals of truth were ever true

I am driving myself crazy
asking questions, not knowing why
you opened the door then closed it
and didn’t give me time to say goodbye

I won’t express my feelings
it’s not the time nor the place
see you’ve come to me a teacher
don’t want you realizing sorrow crowds my face

Feet firmly planted
upside down
hanging in the balance
as I stare at the ground

I open my mouth to speak
but century gothic font
vanishes into thin air
it’s ink blots taunting all of my wants

Stained lips puckered
kissing lost words goodbye
tears grieve the unexpressed
while sorrow remains trapped inside

My silenced voice
fuels their fire of lies
and I let the billowing smoke of judgment
choke me until I died

I gaze in awe
as black branches paint themselves
onto a sleepy skyline
haunting the stillness of morn
they stretch at the gesture of light
shadows yearning to linger
across drifts of delicate snow
I contemplate the illusion
upon my own reflection
and regret storing your love in escrow

We devour time
like it’s our last meal
gorging on the future’s ideals
as we forgo the delectable
dessert of Now
we savour dried crumbs of the past
long after the expiry date
unaware they are mouldy and stale
repeatedly consuming it’s poison
all the while wondering
why we feel so sick
inside