Whatever it was
My body is dismembering itself trying to find it
If it ever existed at all
My personality mere shreds of a mind that once hosted the sporadic and filthy stages of grand plays all delicately directed behind a purposefully sheer curtin begging for tomfooler-esque low lifes to stop by for a show

I've never craved the feeling of decency but the ecstasy of pain and the cold dehumanization I thrived for so dearly seems now more a chaotic choice in paths than an exploitation of the weaknesses around me

I'd be just as happy baking to death in the desserts of an unhappy trip with no sober grip on reality
As I would be living happily ever after in a tastefully decorated house with realities despotic grip on me

But the choice is yours, not mine.

At such a point as that which breathing does not define life of an entity
At such a point as that which heart does not define living
At such a point as that which soul is irrelevant
At that such point lies the true purgatory: living

You
poems are always about you
who are you
Well we see you as the depiction of absolute perfection
we see you as the broken painting
picture perfect
smoke kissing spin the bottle absolutely everything we want to be ours
But who are you

I'm fighting
against this wave of "new age artists"
every masterpiece written on napkins crumbled up into poets pockets

I'm fighting
to keep my head above the water
we're all drowning in our tears
we're all just put here to wander
is there a god?
do they like poetry,
do they recite slam in heaven,
is that what causes earthquakes?
am I a real poet
will anyone ever read my work
or will it just go un noticed will my voice ever reach the atmosphere

I'm fighting
to scream louder than the others
to give a voice to the kids who were better at algebra than english
because they don't have the creative capacity to say these things

am I a real poet

she doesn't ******* love you

what can she give you that I can't

every time we hang out she's there
and I can't get the thought out of my head

that we'd be so much better
you and I

we used to take on world and make each other laugh until we cried

what happened to that?

she doesn't understand your humor
it's getting cold again,
you know,
I left my ex for you once but you got with her and I had to beg him to take me back

what's that about?
you led me on

in the back seat of your car
your jacket off and your heat on
and we just

talked

you tried to kiss me once
then we stopped talking because she practically begged you for your love

you're not happy now.
you're proving a point

it's not days in between our conversations anymore it's months
I haven't seen you in forever
but every time I do I can tell that little ***** is draining the life out of you you look haunted

and you look tired.

and I'm sick of it.

I talk to everybody and they agree with me you know
I thought it was just jealousy

but it isn't
everyone sees it
I heard her talking **** about you
and she admitted to me that she gets jealous of our relationship and I asked her what that means because you and me

we don't talk

she kept asking me why
I ignored her and she kept asking me why

I ******* hate her.

I'm not saying you should have dated me from the start or whatever
but did it have to be gobinet

I'm not made for you.
We won't fit like perfect puzzle pieces,
I can't give you the whole world and magically make it look somewhat decent.
You expect too much from me.
I can't even look out for myself,
you sit there and watch me crying on the floor and come asking me for help,
I can't support you.
It'll hurt me too much to try,
your codependency is overbearing I don't text you and you wonder why.
I can't do this.
But I can't tell you that right now,
if I leave you it gives you a reason to start drinking and you'll just drag me down.
I don't love you.
But I don't think you care,
every thought I have in the back of my head somehow you're always there.
Just stay away from me.
I don't want this anymore.
You aren't the person that I want to be with,
and you're starting to **** me off.

I've never met someone like you
someone that could put words
into constellations
your terminology leaving
me hanging on by a strand
of disgusting infatuation
just enough to keep me in your
company
never enough to keep my hopes
up
just faintly there to keep me craving your dispassionate rendering of this false love